


In the Cards...

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Marauders' Era, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-09-29
Updated: 2007-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-19 12:34:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 70,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12410415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: Was this a date? Lily found herself thinking. They had planned a time, and a place, and met to be together. No, not to be together, Lily corrected herself, to do work. They were here to do work.  Lily was here to do work. Not to think about James Potter.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

  
Author's notes: 1  


* * *

In the Cards...

"Bloody hell," Lily Evans muttered, sweeping her red hair behind her ears and narrowing her green eyes. Outside of the Charms class she was attempting to leave, a four-lad blockade had formed. Lily inhaled deeply to steady herself and headed through the crowded doorway, expecting unprovoked harassment from the dark haired, dark eyed James Potter.

Out of character, James merely nodded at her as she past him, but his mate Sirius Black was as unnecessary as ever, "Had your wand removed from your arse yet, Evans?"

Lily turned looking like she was going to hit Sirius across the face, but before she could do or say anything, James said simply, "Sirius, shut it."

Lily looked at James for a moment and then took a step forward, "I don't need you to defend me, Potter."

"Then I wasn't, Lily," James said with a thick air of disinterest.

Lily seethed, "Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"I was leaving you alone-- there's no need to get hissy, Evans," James replied exasperated.

"Hissy?" Lily asked taking another step forward. "Are you calling me hissy?"

"No, I've all ready called you hissy, or can't you keep up without a text book?" James asked smirking.

"James, lunch." Sirius interjected as he and Remus walked around the feuding twosome, but James did not move to follow them and he was left in the thinning hallway with Lily.

"What are you going to do with out your back up, Potter? I didn't know you could function without your puppet masters"

"You think you're so smart, Evans. But you don't know anything."

"I don't know anything? You're the one who barely passes classes. You don't even try!"

"Why try? I'm doing fine as it is," James retorted annoyed at her prying.

"Merlin, James, you are such a slacker," Lily sighed, sounding almost jealous. "You have all this potential and you just waste it."

"How do you know I have potential?" James asked so sincere for a moment that Lily blushed.

"It doesn't matter, and it doesn't change the fact that your head is too big for your body." Lily said turning on her heel. Before she walked away she added, "To think, a Potter with only mediocre marks, your parents must be so proud."

To her surprise, James caught her arm, stood inches away from her face, and whispered harshly, "You don't know a damn thing about me or my family, Lily, so just go back to the library and do your homework, and don't talk about things you don't understand."

Then it was James who turned and walked off. Leaning against the cool stonewall of the hallway, Lily breathed deeply, coming to the realization that she might actually have to apologize to James Potter. She shuddered at the thought.

A week later, though the day had started relatively sunny, the ceiling of the Great Hall showed only a solid roof of clouds. Although there were regular dinner affairs going on around him, James was extremely focused on the clouds above him. That is, he was extremely focused on the clouds above him until a poppy-seed roll hit him in the face.

"Ow!" he exclaimed, glancing at the roll's landing spot in his mashed potatoes. "Padfoot! Not the mashed potatoes! What is wrong with you?" James looked panicked as he hurriedly tried to save his mashed potatoes from becoming infested with poppy-seeds and roll crumbs. Then he carefully reconstructed the perfect mountain of mashed potatoes before looking up to glare at his best friend. 

"I'm all for roll tossing, but watch the potatoes," James stated, while Sirius just laughed.

Sirius sighed, eying his friend warily, "I just don't understand it."

"What is there to understand?" James asked, eyes focused on the forkful of mashed potatoes he held before him. "They are the most wonderful food in the world!"

"Mashed potatoes?" Sirius said, disbelieving what he was hearing.

"Exactly, potatoes, mashed up. And we only get them, like, once a every two weeks because we always have those damn roast potatoes, or baked potatoes, or potato wedges..."

As James continued listing different varieties of potato, Lily approached the other end of the Gryffindor table. He saw her and looked away, as Remus studied him over the rim of his drinking goblet.

"So, James," he said, "Lily hasn't been giving you any crap since last Tuesday, what did you say to her?"

"Nothing," James replied quickly, "Can we not talk about this? It's ruining my mashed potatoes."

"Yeah sure." Remus turned to Sirius, "He seems down."

Sirius nodded. "Maybe we should play extreme quidditch later," he said in James' direction. 

"I'd be up for that," James replied noticeably in a better mood. 

"Good, sounds like a plan."

Extreme quidditch, or SuperSlam as it was occasionally called, was a surprisingly well thought out game. The Marauders, being smart, fun loving boys, always thought out their games well, for they knew the dangers of shaky rules. Once Peter and Sirius fought for a week because of a glitch in one of the Frogtag rules (a game much like regular tag except, you had to hit the person with a frog).

So, extreme quidditch had been well esyablished by the boys so as to avoid potential ift causing conflicts. It was a highly illegal game, as it was played in the boys' dorm room on brooms that had been bewitched to fly at extreme speeds only. The object of the game was to avoid the bludgers (of which there were 10) while trying to hit your opponent's targets (which were located on the back of their robes). A dangerous game, the boys reasoned to play it in the dorm room. They figured the odds that you would fall off your broom onto something soft, like a bed, were higher in a room with beds), and that if they were in the dorm the height they could fall from was limited. Somehow they overlooked the fact that there would be no dangers at all if they didn't play a game entitled "SuperSlam." 

Nevertheless, extreme quidditch had been invented and all of the boys enjoyed to play it, no matter how many times they were accidentally pegged in the head and knocked off their speeding brooms into a bed poster.

Later that night, after Sirius' detention for putting pudding inside of Professor Klyne's lecture book, the boys scrambled around the room making preparations. 

"Who's gonna let the bludgers out this time?"

"Wormtail, close that window!"

"Are we playing with water quaffles?"

"Tie back those curtains, Prongs!"

"How long a round should I set the counter for?"

Just as the game was underway, there was knock at the door. The brooms were enchanted to be connected to a counter that showed the time left in the round, the number of points each player had, and who was still in the game. There was no stopping until the time ran out. Falling resulted in elimination, though one could rejoin play if able to steal someone else's broom and knock them off. 

When no one answered, the knocker opened the door herself-

"--DUCK!"

Lily dropped to the floor faster than she knew she could as something-or was it someone?-whizzed past her head.

"POTTER?!" Lily yelled.

"EVANS??!!" The four boys yelled back.

"YES!" she said directing her voice at one of the speeding blurred blobs that was flying around the room. "I CAME TO APPOLOGIZE! AH!" she dropped to the floor once more.

"APPOLOGIZE FOR WHAT?" 

"ABOUT WHAT I SAID CONCERNING YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!" Lily was more than frustrated at this point. "POTTER COME DOWN SO I CAN TALK TO YOU!"

He flew past her head, "I CAN'T! THERE'S STILL TIME ON THE COUNTER!" 

"COME DOWN NOW AND TALK TO ME OR I'M GOING TO REPORT THIS!"

"NO ONE INVITED YOU IN! YOU'RE HERE ILLEGALLY!" he called back, from somewhere else in the room.

Lily sighed, but decided to wait. She had felt badly for a week now and knew the only way to make herself feel better was to apologize properly. But as she waited she became more and more interested in the game. Once she figured out the rules, and learned to keep her eyes open for stray bludgers, it was quite an entertaining sport. Lily found herself strategizing how she would sweep behind someone to expose the target on their back and get a clear shot. As she continued watching, Lily realized it wasn't the game that interested her so much, but the way the boys were interacting while playing. The forced speed of the game caused them to forget her presence quickly so as to focus on their actions, and Lily found herself able to watch them in their natural habitat. It was just the four of them, four best friends, four boys, having fun. She saw them all in a new light, especially James. Lily always thought of him as immature, but watching him play with his friends, she found it endearing. It wasn't immaturity, it was fun. 

Suddenly James landed beside, "Game's over. I won. Of course." 

Lily lost her new found vision of the innocent James, and returned to seeing him as an arrogant prat, she said as much.

"You're such an arrogant prat."

James grinned, "You're sitting on my bed."

Lily jumped up, not having realized that she wandered over to a bed and sat down while she was watching.

James continued while Lily tried to compose herself, "What are you doing here exactly? Watch out!" 

As they were talking, the other three boys started a new round and a bludger zoomed past Lily and James. Lily wasn't sure how it happened, but they both ended up on James' bed. Too stunned to do anything at first Lily just lay there awkwardly, waiting for James to move off of her. But he stayed on top of her longer than she would have liked, as his gaze lingered on hers for a few seconds before standing and pulling her to her feet.

Lily stuttered, "I-I came here to apologize."

"Di-did you?" James mocked.

"Yes, I'm sorry for what I said about your family. I'm sure they are very proud of you."

James' face darkened some, but he was still smiling as he spoke, "I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have been so rough with you. But you kind of hit a nerve." He said looking down, not really sure why he was telling her things he didn't talk to anyone about.

"Well, I didn't mean to," she replied, confused by his honesty. As she turned to leave he said:

"You were right, you know."

"About your parents?" she asked turning back to him.

"Yes, and my low average," he said sitting on the edge of his bed.

She walked back over to him, fighting a confused smile, happy that they were actually having a conversation, but not really sure why. "Why don't you try harder, I'm sure you could do better. I mean, it's the beginning of a new year."

"But if I couldn't, I would know I was a failure." James said hoping he wouldn't regret opening up to her. To his amazement, she started to laugh.

"I don't believe it," she started, "James Potter is chicken shit."

He started to laugh, too, "And Lily Evans just swore!" She shoved playfully at his arm, before sobering and remembering she was in the presence of the biggest asshole she'd ever met, or at least that's what she used to think. 

His brown eyes met hers as she said, "You're afraid. You, James, are afraid to take risks."

James couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I most certainly am not! Have you ever played extreme quidditch?"

Lily smiled at the name but continued, "You won't risk trying to do well." She moved towards the door once more. "I guess James Potter just isn't a risk taker."

"Is that a challenge, Evans?" 

"Yes, Potter, I believe it is."

"This is outrageous! Lily Evans is saying I don't take risks. How risky is your life, Lily?"

At this Lily faltered. "Well, I-"

"Oh, I see. Little miss no risks is telling me about fear."

Lily became defensive, "I take risks!"

"Okay, so then play a round of SuperSlam with us." His grin was back.

"I don't know the rules."

"No excuses, Evans. Play a game, or be a chicken."

Lily felt powered by her indignity at being called a chicken and mustered her courage, "Fine, but you have to apply yourself to your studies."

"Deal." He held out his hand and she shook. James was not really sure how he had come to this bizarre-and personal-- agreement with his previously sworn enemy, but this year was certainly turning out differently than he thought, and it was only October.

A/N Just for the record, I clearly don't own anything... I started this story a long time ago on ff.n, but I thought I would repost it here. Unfortunately the earlier chapters make me cringe, so I've done a little condensing... Admittedly, it starts weak, bear with me, it will get better! 


	2. Chapter 1ish

In the Cards...

"No."

"Sirius..."

"No, James, NO!"

Remus sighed, they had been going on like this for at least a half hour.

"But I made a deal with her," James tried again.

"No! I don't care!" Sirius replied, "No non-Marauder plays SuperSlam, especially a goody two shoes like Lily Evans."

"Sirius, lets not start name calling," Remus cut in gently.

Sirius looked outraged, "Are you taking his side?!"

"No," Remus attempted, "I'm just trying to mediate."

James nodded, noting Sirius' unstable mood. "He's just mediating."

Remus threw a thankful look at James, and started nodding a swell, "Yup, that's just what I do." Peter joined in on the attempt to keep Sirius relatively stable, "He's a mediator!"

Sirius looked at the three nodding, worried looking boys and decided to move on.

"Fine, but my answer is still no."

James groaned and lay face down on his bed. Muffled through his pillow Remus was able to make out the desperate voice of James whining, "But I made a deal with her!"

"Look James, I don't care that you've developed a crush on her-"

"Sirius," Peter warned.

" --she's still not a Marauder. 

James glared at Sirius, but he continued. 

"You know I'm right about that."

"I have not developed a crush on her." James said before lying back down on his bed.

Sirius snickered, and said, "Besides, no matter how cute a girl is, if she's a prissy bitch, you leave it."

"Sirius!" Peter squeaked.

James lay still on his bed and Remus tried to guess what was going through his head. He wanted determine just how far Sirius could push James on this topic. But it seemed Sirius, had decided he was at the limit of how far he wanted to go today. Thus Remus decided to see if he could move the conversation along. 

"Marauders never back down from a dare," he said into the middle of the air, hoping to a) give James a new point to argue, and b) strike Sirius with Marauder pride and convince him to help for the sake of James' reputation.

James lifted his head to judge Sirius' mindset by reading his response to Remus' comment, so he could plan a point of attack. "I'll look like a coward, Siirus."

"What do you mean?" Sirius said, interested, but not yet convinced.

"If I back down," James replied, trying to reel in his best friend, "how will that look?"

But Sirius was regaining his opposition to the whole situation, "I still don't understand what you doing more homework has to do with Evans infiltrating one of our secret ways." (Remus hid a grin at Sirius' wording.) "She'll snitch, James."

James responded clearly, looking Sirius directly in the eye, "No she won't."

"Well, then, tell me why I would want to agree to a lose-lose situation. This deal means you'll be busy doing work all the time, and extreme quidditch will be ruined!" He had begun yelling, and James had begun yelling as well to try and make himself heard.

"SIRIUS! That is not true. I-"

Suddenly he was cut off when there was a knock at the door. Peter moved to answer it, but Sirius stopped him, loudly whispering, "No, Peter!"

Now all four boys were standing in the middle of their dorm, staring silently at one another and the door. The knocker knocked once more, and James shifted his gaze to Sirius. 

"I'm opening the door."

"Don't do it, James," Sirius said stepping in his friend's path.

"I will not break a deal, and turn down a challenge, Padfoot," he said levelly, "You understand that, I know you do. Now open the door, or I will."

Sirius began to waver, James was the one person who could talk him down, if talking him down was a possibility, which occasionally, it was not, so Remus and Peter remained still and waited.

"I'm not going easy on her, Prongs," Sirius said, finally relenting.

James grinned, "Good, I never expected you to."

There was another knock at the door and the Marauders called out together, "Come in!" to a very apprehensive Lily Evans.

Lily had been standing outside the sixth year boys' dorm door for fifteen minutes trying to convince herself to knock. She was going over the events of the previous day in her mind, trying to figure out where her newfound semi-amity with James came from. Had they really made a deal yesterday? Was he expecting her to follow up on their arrangements? He said yesterday that they would meet in the library after classes three times a week so Lily could see that he was indeed honoring their agreement. And in return, Lily was supposed to come to his room-she checked her watch-- now, actually, and play a game of extreme quidditch, or SuperSlam, or whatever it was he called it.

Lily exhaled deeply. Why wasn't she upset that she would be spending three afternoons a week with James Potter? Shouldn't that be a punishment? It certainly wasn't something she should agree to willingly. But she had, and she still didn't know why. Maybe she should just leave, she thought. No, then James would think she was scared. Well, she was kind of. The Marauders had been consistently less than friendly to her for number of years now. Was she just walking into the lion's den? Were they waiting to rip her apart?  
Stop it, Lily! She thought, Just knock and get this over with.

So she did. To her surprise, nothing happened. For a second she though James had forgotten about their deal and she was relieved only to became angry, and slightly -irrationally, she told herself-hurt. Then she heard the whispering coming from inside the room. They were definitely there.

Lily knocked again. Still nothing. She waited a minute more, her patience waning, they were playing with her! She knocked again, and to her surprise they called her into the room. She walked in to find them grouped in the middle of the room, she became nervous glancing at the identical grins on their faces.

"James, tell her the rules while we set up," Remus instructed, following Sirius into the closet where they hid the supplies.

Sirius called from the closet, "Evans, it would not be wise for you tell anyone anything you hear or see here today."

"Is that a threat, Black?" Lily called into the closet.

Sirius stuck his head out and smiled, "Consider it a friendly piece of advice."

Lily laughed nervously as James approached her. She tried to pay attention to the rules he was explaining to her, but she couldn't help but watch the flurry of activity around the room. Peter had pulled all the window curtains and moved on to the bed ones, while Sirius was messing with the magical counter she had seen the other day. Remus, it seemed, had the job of letting out the bludgers and was attempting to position himself away from their initial flight path.

"Got it, Lily?" James was looking down at her, excitement apparent in his eyes.

"Yeah, sure I think so," she replied with very little confidence, hoping he didn't notice.

He did, of course. "Don't worry, it'll be fun." He grinned and walked over to a pile of brooms. "Once you pick up a broom, a target will appear on your back, like this," he said demonstrating. "When everyone has a target, Remus will release the bludgers." Lily nodded. "Next, we all go into the air, and then the quaffles release themselves."

"Wait, where do the quaffles release themselves from?" Lily asked.

James winked, "That's part of the fun. They fall from different parts of the ceiling, or shoot up from the floor, or pop out of the walls!" Lily looked stunned. These boys were either really talented, or completely crazy. Unfortunately, she realized, they were both.

She stared blankly at James. He just laughed, "Keep your eyes open."

Lily noticed Sirius and Peter holding brooms too now. She glanced to where Remus was stationed just in time to see him pick up a broom, as he turned to duck, she saw a target materialize on his back but before she could wrap her mind around what spell had caused it, the bludgers were released.

Hopping onto her broom, Lily realized that this was her cue to get into the air. She pushed off the ground, while pushing the idea that she was probably going to get expelled for what she was doing out of her head. It took Lily a minute to catch her breath as the broom took off at an excessive speed. 

"Ow!" she yelled as something hit her head from above. She looked up expecting to see falling quaffles, and was surprised when she saw Remus hovering above her, quaffle in hand. She was even more surprised when he chucked the quaffle at her. But Remus is the nice one! Her mind screamed. A bludger fly past he head, as Lily dodged a bedpost. The broom was going so fast she couldn't even see what was around her. This game is out of control! she thought, while swerving around something she thought might have been Peter. She felt a quaffle smack her back and heard Sirius "whoop" behind her. She would have turned around to glare at him, but the intensity of the speed caused her to want to look forwards at all times. How was she supposed to get a quaffle, let alone aim one?

Just then another bludger knocked into her and she landed on a bed, her broom falling to the floor a few yards away.

The counter stopped and the four boys flew down. "Is it over?" she asked lying on her back, staring upwards.

"No, we just set that one as a practice round. Now we'll play a real game," James explained. "Remember, Lily, if you're de-broomed during the real game, we'll keep playing until the time runs out. If you want to get back in the game you have de-broom someone else."

Lily groaned and got off the bed to find her broom. This wasn't going to be pleasant. The second game started, and Lily felt she had gotten control of the game. At least, that is, she wasn't as surprised when she was hit by a quaffle. She was seriously disappointed when she was de-broomed again, but took the opportunity to watch how the boy's played. One thing she hadn't noted last time, was how they got the quaffles to use as ammo. While Lily watched she became energized and ready to try again. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Remus flying low, and as he neared her she leapt from the bed and onto his broom. Startled, Remus fell onto another bed and rolled onto the floor.

For a second Lily felt bad, but was too pleased with herself to care that much. Now that she knew how the boys managed to pick up quaffles, she tried her luck at it. At first she couldn't manage it, but on her third try the snatched a quaffle out of the air. By this time, Remus had de-broomed James and was back in the air. Lily decided she'd already targeted him enough today, and instead hurled the ball at the first blur she saw. It his Sirius right on his target. Lily grinned as he glared at her, angry at her nerve to do well in their game.

Lily secured another quaffle and this time sent it flying at Peter. She was pleased to see the force of her blow knock him to the ground, but before his broom stopped flying James' excellent reflexes secured it for himself, as Peter lay on the floor, not having the luck to land on a bed.

Now it was James, Remus, Sirius and Lily flying around the room, dodging bludgers, furniture, and of course, each other. Lily was able to grab almost all the quaffles she tried for and continued pelting them at the boys. Before Lily knew it her broom-well, Remus' broom (she grinned)-- slowed down and landed her softly on the ground next to James, Remus and Sirius.

Lily was positively glowing. Her hair was a mess and her face was red, but she couldn't get the grin off her face. "How'd I do?" she asked excitedly, trying to peer at the counter.

"Well, you lost," James said, "but-

"-But," Sirius interjected, "You did pretty damn well." He held out the counter for her to see. Yes, she was ranked fourth, Peter had done a lot of damage while he was in the air, but she was only two points behind him. 

Lily let out a happy squeal and hugged the three boys who weren't currently lying on the floor.

"Are we going to play again?" she asked hopefully.

The Marauders glanced at each other, and then at Sirius. He smiled, "Not now, but maybe tomorrow, Peter doesn't look up to it."

Lily looked slightly disappointed, but regained her composure quickly. "Okay well, I guess I'm off to the library. Thank you again boys." With that she left.

On the inside of the door, Sirius gave an approving look to James, who simply grinned and raced Remus to the shower.

On the outside of the door, Lily Evans began to smile widely thinking about spending time with James Potter. Oh, and his friends, of course.

The next day, James and Lily embarked on the second half of their bet-- in the Library.

Was this a date? Lily found herself thinking. They had planned a time, and a place and met to be together. No, not to be together, Lily corrected herself, to do work. They were here to do work. Lily was here to do work. Not to think about James Potter, even though he was sitting right next to her. He was the reason she couldn't focus. Why? Well, for starters they had never sat in comfortable friendly silence before, ever. And also, the confused looks they were getting from the other students scattered throughout the large room were distracting in their own right. What was really bothering Lily, was that these two things weren't what she was fixating on. Instead, she was watching him work. Watching the way he held his pen, and the angle of his head while he tried to figure out a more difficult idea. And his smell, James smelled so fresh. 

She kept remembering that moment, on his bed, when his eyes lingered over hers, and an expression passed through them that she couldn't place. Now, when she looked at James, she no longer saw an immature bighead, she saw a boy on the verge of manhood, someone capable of a meaningful glance like the one she had seen a few days before. Certainly he couldn't have changed that much since last spring? Had something happened over the summer? He no longer picked on every one who walked by, his head had surely deflated some, and he was even civil, if not nice to Lily. But had he really grownup? Yes, she thought, for God's sake he was doing his homework!

Oh! They were here to do work! Lily reminded herself again, refocusing her attention on the book she had been reading for the last hour, realizing she had only managed to read two pages. But the only reason he was here with her was to make sure he came out on top. He just wanted to succeed in proving he wasn't one to back down from anything. That he takes risks. This was ridiculous! Of course he takes risks! He's James Potter! How was this happening? This situation was frustrating Lily. James was not her friend. He was not her study buddy. He was simply completing a bet. An agreement. No, a deal. It was just a silly deal.

Lily was so wrapped up in her inner troubles she hadn't noticed James packing his stuff. She did notice, however, when he stood up.

"I'm done," he announced. 

"Okay," Lily replied quickly. "I guess, I'll, you know, see you, later, I guess." After speaking she wished she'd simply jumped out the nearest window.

"You know, Evans, you would be done too if you had focused more on your work." He winked and left the library. 

Lily panicked. Had he seen her looking at him? Had she been looking at him? No, he must have just noticed she only turned the page once. That's it. James Potter wasn't clever enough to read her mind, he just made a simple observation of page turning. For some reason, Lily wasn't relieved. 

A half hour later, Lily emerged from the library with her reading done, but her mind confused. 

Normally, Lily would go up to her dorm and put her book bag away and hang out a little before dinner, but today, due to her recent lack of focus, she headed straight down to dinner. 

As Lily entered the Great Hall, she was relieved to see that James and his friends were deep in conversation at the opposite end of the table from her friends. 

"Lily!" Kate exclaimed upon seeing her, "We thought the library had eaten you."

Lily just smiled and sat down, not really in the mood to talk. She had been thinking all day, and now all she wanted to do was eat. Unfortunately, sixth year girls liked to talk, and talk inevitably turned to gossip. And these girls liked to gossip most about sixth year boys, and Lily had been spotted with a very important and heavily gossiped about sixth year boy.

"So, Lily," Olivia, the most gossipy boy crazed girl of them all started, "I hear you and James Potter hung out today."

"Not really, no," Lily said serving herself a biscuit and chicken, trying to keep herself from blushing. "We've just decided to study together."

"Oh, that's all?" Olivia pressed, "I heard you were spotted going up to the boys' dorm yesterday, and that you came down a considerable time later looking considerably less presentable." She said the last word with a wicked grin.

"Oh, stop it, Olivia," Kate interjected, noting the distressed look on Lily's face.

"What?" Olivia asked, feigning innocence, "It's true isn't it?"

Kate glared at her, but was silent, forcing Lily to answer Olivia. Lily opened her mouth to say something, but decided against it and simply took a bite of her biscuit, staring Olivia in the eye, pointedly not answering the question, daring her to press the matter more.

Olivia shrugged, "Whatever." Then she turned back to the other girls and no doubt expressed her jealousy of Lily's new "relationship" with James.

Lily swallowed her mouthful of biscuit and let out a relieved breath. She glanced at Kate who was looking right at her. 

"Well?"

"Well what?" Lily asked, forking chicken into her mouth.

"Well, you and James? You and the Marauders? You and the boys' dorm?" Kate asked, curiosity more than evident in her voice.

Lily remained silent. So Kate continued. "We're not the only ones who've noticed it Lily. You can't just stop fighting with your 'enemies' and expect the school to go on turning."

Lily just stared at her. "Oh, Lily, you know what I mean."

Lily didn't know what to say. "I guess, James and I came to an agreement."

"That's it?"

"That's it." 

"Then why is he walking over to us right now?"

Lily almost chocked on her pumpkin juice, but recovered before the seats on either side of her un-vacated. 

"Hi, James, Sirius" she said nodding to each one in turn, trying to act cool. Kate started a friendly conversation with Peter about the herbology homework, as Lily greeted Remus from across the table.

"Evans-er, Lily, or whatever, we're playing tonight," Sirius began, "So, if you want in, come up around eight."

Lily just smiled and nodded, Remus winked at her, James took half of her biscuit from her plate, and the four boys got up and left the Great Hall.

Kate grinned at Lily, "Care to explain that?"

Lily found herself grinning as well, "No, not really thanks." She took another bite of her dinner, for once ignoring the little voice in her head that had been telling her for so long that James Potter was not someone she wanted to get involved with.

Ten minutes earlier, James' mind had wandered out of the conversation he was having with his friends at the dinner table and into one word.

Thrilled. James was absolutely thrilled. He was actually getting along with Lily Evans. It was strange, James thought, that two conversations could lead them into such an easy friendship. Well, not friendship per say, and not easy either, come to think of it. James and Lily were both so confused by the recent events, they couldn't exactly have an "easy" anything. They could have strange, slightly awkward, and surprisingly pleasant, but not easy. They barely knew each other, and thought they hated each other, but because they had started actually talking, they found something in each other they never would have expected. James would never have guessed it, but Lily wasn't just pretty, she was fun! Neither of them could explain it, but their new relationship-what ever it was-filled them with unexplained excitement. 

As James wondered once more what could have caused Lily to be so unfocused while they were studying, Sirius and Remus discussed their friend from across the table.

"He," Sirius stated, pointing a drumstick at James, "must be less of a prat."

Remus nodded into his cobbler. "Definitely. Otherwise, she could never stand him, let alone hang out with him."

"Has he really changed that much?" Sirius pondered watching James carefully, just as Remus was doing.

Just looking at him, James seemed different. The air of prattish-ness had surely been lifted. There was something new in his face that made him seem older somehow. Sure, the playful glint in his eye was still there, his mischievous grin was still complete, but his shoulders no longer held the same arrogance. His confidence was apparent, and he maintained his fun-loving attitude, but the self centered, egotistical boy that was there a year ago had somehow been replaced by a bold, thoughtful young man.

"Yes, Padfoot, I think he has," Remus said cleanly.


	3. Chapter 2ish

In the Cards...

"Do you want to get married?"

James looked up at Lily, processing. They had been studying silently for an hour, and, needless to say, he was slightly surprised by her question. "It's kind of sudden, but sure. Just let me owl my mum."

"James, you know what I meant," Lily said, wondering why she had decided to ask him in the first place. They were actually sitting together in an easy silence, occasionally looking up to smile at one another, why did she have to ruin it by talking to him?

He nodded, but continued to kid, "Is that a question for your," he paused and glanced down at her open book and smiled, "potion's homework?"

"No," Lily glared at him. "Maybe I was just thinking."

"Thinking? When you're supposed to be studying? Lily! I'm shocked! How are you going to pass your NEWTs?"

Lily narrowed her eyes, annoyed by his antics. Was everything a joke with him? Since she had started actually talking to James, she thought her perception of him had changed. He was nicer than she thought, but was he more serious?

"James," Lily countered, "I'm not studying for my NEWTs this early, thank you very much, and I was trying to ask you a serious question."

"Are you annoyed with me, Evans?" James asked, fascinated.

Her vibrant green eyes flashed at the sound of her last name. She couldn't believe it. Did he just call me Evans? She was stunned. "Yes, yes I am Potter!"

"Remarkable!" James looked positively delighted.

"Why are you smiling, Potter?" Lily was confused by his reaction. She had said yes, right? She was getting more frustrated by the second.

James grinned, "Lily, don't you see! This means we haven't lost any of our passion becoming friends!"

"Our what, Potter?"

"Our passion!" she asked blatant anger apparent in her voice.

"We're fighting?" James asked finally catching on to her tone. They had fallen back into their old routine. Getting into a stupid fight because James was an idiot.

"Obviously!"

"I thought we were just playing around!" James exclaimed, confused. "You know, play fighting, joke-fighting."

Was this another joke? He was still joking with her. It didn't matter either way. All she wanted to do was have a serious conversation with him and he turned everything into a joke. 

"Well, you thought wrong! I'm leaving, Potter," she said shoving things into her bag. "I can't believe I thought you were more mature."

"Oh, Lily, come on," he protested realizing he had gone too far, "I won't kid anymore, I promise. Don't go."

Lily didn't stop but kept walking, she walked all the way to the common room fuming. When she arrived, she plopped her stuff down on a table and began to set up to do her work. 

"Lil!" Sirius called out upon seeing her. "I need your hel-"

"Go away, Black," she said without looking up.

"Black? Wait, what?"

"You heard me. Unless you're deaf or something."

"Actually, I have very acute hearing, some liken it to a dog" He said smirking, taking a seat next to her. 

"I've heard other of your characteristics likened to a dog in the girls' loo, but not that one."

"Feisty today, eh?"

"Why are you still bothering me?" She began scribbling out her potions notes.

"Lily, even if you're having a lovers' spat with James, you're still my friend."

"A lovers' spat!" Was he crazy? Were they all crazy? Of course they were, Lily thought, and so was she because she enjoyed their company.

She took a deep breath and sighed. 

Sirius took this as an invitation for advice, "Tell Sirius what stupid ol' Jamesie did, and let him make it all better."

"As long as you stop talking in the third person," she replied, fighting a smile.

"Deal."

"He, well, I... I asked him about marriage," Sirius began to laugh as Lily glared at him, "And he just started joking with me."

Sirius chuckled heartily, "Are you telling me, you're mad a teenage boy for not taking the topic of marriage seriously?"

Lily smiled, "Yes, I guess I am."

"Isn't that a little, teeny, tiny but ridiculous of you, Lil?" he asked.

She nodded, "Yes, I guess it is." But just as she was starting to calm down, she realized why she was so upset. "He called me Evans!"

Sirius groaned, "Maybe he was just joking."

"Well I didn't find it very funny."

Sirius began to smile, "You're only this upset because you don't want things to go back to the way you were!"

"What? That's insane, completely implausibly wrong," she sputtered.

Sirius grinned wider, "I'm right aren't I? Lily, look, you don't have to worry about losing James, he's yours." Lily just rolled her eyes, but she listened to what Sirius was saying. James was hers? Did she want James to be hers?

"I guess I can let him apologize instead of cursing him into oblivion." She said smiling shyly.

"That's a girl!"

James took this moment to climb through the portrait hole. He walked straight up to Lily and said, "Look, I'm sorry for joking, I guess it wasn't the time. But how was I supposed to know it wasn't the time? Normally you laugh at my jokes! You can't expect someone to just know when the regularly acceptable things they do aren't acceptable!"

"That is the worst apology I have ever heard, Potter! I can't believe you!" and with that, she stormed up to her room leaving her schoolwork where it was.

"Well played, maestro."

James glanced at the source of the utterly unnecessary comment. "Shut it, Black." He paused, "I don't get it. We were getting along so well." He sunk backwards onto a couch, so Sirius was talking to his feet sticking up over the back cushions. "I'm not even sure what we're fighting about!"

"For starters, mate, the point of apologizing is to admit you were wrong." Sirius got up and leaned backwards over the couch, sliding down to James' upside-down level. The boys looked up at the ceiling together. "Jamesie, Uncle Sirius had it all fixed for you. All you needed to do was say you were sorry and just shut your mouth."

James laughed, feeling the blood rush to his head, "Oh, yeah, Uncle Sirius has such a way with women."

"Whatever, James, at least I know how to apologize," Sirius replied.

"You may know how, but you're too stubborn to ever do it."

Sirius laughed, "Guilty as charged, but we're here to talk about your mess, not mine."

James sighed and let his arms drape to the floor above his head. "We just became friends, how could I blow it so badly?"

"At least you know you guys still have passion, I mean the chemistry's still there." Sirius mused.

"That's what I told her!" James exclaimed.

"Please tell me you're joking. You actually said that to her?" He turned his head on the cushion to look sideways at James who nodding. Sirius shook his head, "You're bloody hopeless."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Padfoot."

"My pleasure, Prongs."

They sat in silence for a while, letting thoughts flow through their heads undisturbed by conversation. 

"Prongsie, if you like the new situation you've got with our little Lily-kins, you're going to need to go up there and apologize properly."

"Yeah, and you're going to need to come up with some better nicknames."

James sighed, Sirius was occasionally right and he sensed this was one of those times. He did a backwards somersault off of the couch and landed on his feet. Standing up quickly, James realized too late, was not the best idea. He stumbled a little, as the world went black and then faded back to normal. "Whoa." After hanging upside down off the couch, his hair was at even odder angles than usual, so he ran a hand through it and gave it a good ruffle.

Sirius was standing next to him now, having just experienced the same phenomenon. ("I love when that happens." ) Then he clapped James on the back and pushed him in the direction of the girls' staircase. "And a small piece of advice, don't call her Evans, eh?"

James nodded and turned towards the staircase.

"Lily?!" James called upwards. Silence.

"LILY?!" He tried again.

"GO AWAY, POTTER!"

James grinned; at least she was talking to him. This wasn't going to be so bad after all. 

"Come down and talk to me!"

"PISS! OFF!"

Okay, James retracted in his head, maybe this would be a little harder than he thought. Sighing and preparing his quidditch-toned body for some physical exertion, James rolled up his sleeves. He took out his wand and transfigured a rope from a piece of string in his pocket. He made a loop with the rope and threw it up the staircase, hoping it would get caught on something. James pulled on the rope and it came right back down. Obviously, he had missed. James tried again, throwing the rope harder. This time when he pulled, the rope, it was stuck. James grinned and put a stiffening charm on the rope so that it was taut. Next, holding the rope firmly, James took a step onto the stairs. He kept going, until, sure enough, the stairs became a slide, and he was face first on it, grasping his rope. With a little effort, though, James righted himself and proceeded to climb up the slide using the rope.

When he got to the top, James was tired, but pleased with himself. Brushing himself off, he walked to the sixth year girls' door and knocked. 

"Come in," he heard Olivia call.

James took a deep breath and opened the door. "Er, hi, is Lily here?"

"Potter?" Lily asked, confused. 

"James?" Olivia added her own confused voice.

"Yeah," James replied walking over to the bed Lily was sitting on.

"You're in my room. You're by my bed. How did you get here?" Lily looked at him in disbelief.

James shrugged, "I climbed."

"Well, whatever, I want you out of here. Now." Lily stood and began to push him to the door, but he (as was previously stated) had his quidditch-toned body and hardly budged.

"Lily, I just want to talk to you." He said trying to grab her arms so she would stop shoving at him.

"I don't want to talk to you."

Finally, James managed to grab old of Lily's arms and held her still. "I'm sorry."

She stopped struggling against his grasp, and he continued. "I'm sorry that I made you upset. I really like the way things have been going between us. I mean, the friendship thing, or whatever"

She smiled inwardly at his gracelessness.

"We've really hit it off since you stopped hating me. We finally got passed that awkward stage where we weren't really sure why we're friends now. And I don't want to ruin this, so I'm sorry."

He let go of her hands, and they dropped to her sides.

She thought it over for a second. Now that she knew what a nice guy he could be, it was easier to see his genuineness. "Okay." 

"Okay?"

"Yeah, okay." She smiled at him and he smiled back.

"You hungry?" he asked.

She nodded, "I could eat." 

"Well how about we go down stairs, collect Sirius, and get some dinner?" 

Lily laughed, "Yeah, I'll be right down."

James grinned, "Okay." He turned and walked to the door, calling over his shoulder, "By the way, I can't wait to get married."

As the door closed, Olivia turned to Lily, "What in the world was that?"

After James and Lily's spat, their relationship went back to normal-- or as normal as a relationship can be for ex-nemeses. The five-some spent many hours together much to the confusion of the school around them. Their evenings were spent playing SuperSlam and other such games, or just conversing in the common room. Lily took to doing her homework with which ever of the Marauders didn't have practice, meetings, or detentions. She grew close with them in a short period of time, as their conversations always flowed freely. It was not long before their awkwardness gave way to an unexpected ease with one another. Lily grew to be fast friends with all four boys, though her relationship with James was punctuated by their growing interest in each other. Well, Lily's growing interest in James, as he already had a developed interest in her.

Although Lily had been adopted into the Marauders' crew, at times she felt as an outsider. They related many of their tales to her, trusting her with points of incrimination, but there were times when Lily knew there was much more to the story that she wasn't being told. Not that she immediately expected to be accepted into their deepest confidences, but part of the mystery stung her. Especially when she knew they were hiding something from her.

It was Halloween, and a Friday, giving Lily many happy things to think about, like the weekend and the feast that evening, but all she could ponder was the events of three nights ago. She had been sitting in the common room late and had seen James, Sirius, and Peter sneaking out through the portrait hole. Lily waited until the next morning to hear about their adventure, but they didn't mention the events of the previous night. She was confused and strangely hurt. How much went on with out her? Normally they would have an escapade and come rushing back eager to tell her all the details, but this time not one word was mentioned. How many times have they gone out and I've never even known? Lily wondered while walking through the halls to the common room. Irrational possibilities filled her head, made even more irrational by the jealousy that consumed certain trains of thoughts like: Maybe they had gone into Hogsmeade, to meet some girls. Lily didn't understand how she could be so upset about that theory, but it definitely bothered her the most.

Suddenly, Lily was being pulled in the opposite direction she was heading. Remus and Sirius were at her elbows steering her in an unknown direction as Peter and James walked ahead of them.

"Let go!" Lily yelped

"Sorry, Lil," Sirius answered, "But you're coming with us."

"Where are we going?" Lily pleaded, struggling out of their grasp.

"Stop squirming!" demanded Sirius.

"I refuse to be kidnapped!" countered Lily.

" We're only going to the kitchen!" Sirius responded.

Lily kicked out at him, "I can walk to the kitchens myself, but I'm not hungry!" 

"Don't make me body bind you! Now hold still," Sirius said dodging her flailing legs.

"Lily," Remus started, "We have plans for the evening that require you to have a full stomach and miss dinner, so please just calm-ow!"

A stray flail aimed at Sirius had kicked Remus in the shin.

Lily giggled, "Sorry, Rem." 

"There! Now someone's gone and gotten hurt, will you stop your protest?" Sirius cried and reluctantly, Lily complied.

James and Peter had gone ahead, and when the struggling threesome arrived in the kitchen, there was already a meal prepared for them.

Sirius and Remus plopped Lily down in a chair and stood back watching her like prison guards. James pushed a plate in front of her and they all sat, looking at her expectantly. James was across the table from her with Peter, and Remus and Sirius had taken seats on her sides, presumably so she couldn't make a break for it.

Lily was not pleased with the arrangement. In times of victimization from the Marauders, she found it preferable to be able to see all of them at once. That way, they couldn't send each other signals behind her back while she was facing another one of them. But now, as she turned to look at Sirius, she could feel him scheming with James over her head. She flashed around to James and knew Remus was sending him some sort of code she couldn't see. Frustrated, Lily began to speak, "I'm not hungry, and I'm not missing dinner."

"Lily, Lily, Lily," James laughed, "We understand you not wanting to miss the feast, but we guarantee it will be worth it? So eat up."

Lily stared pointedly at James, "No."

Sirius sighed, "We have ways of making you eat Lily. Your threats are futile."

Lily glared at him. "Well, Remus, Peter, want to give me any information?"

Peter shook his head, liking that he was on the inside and she was on the outside.

Remus seemed to be debating in his head what to tell her, "Lily, really, it would be advisable for you to have dinner is all, you do want to hang out with us tonight, right?"

Grumbling, Lily picked up the sandwich on her plate. "What's in this?" she asked.

"Turkey and pickles, that's it," James replied.

"No mayo? No lettuce, tomato, mustard?" Sirius asked. "Way to fail at sandwich making James. Here, Lil, let me get you some mayo or something." He said getting up.

Lily stopped him, "No, Sirius, it's fine." 

"You just want pickles?" Sirius face was distorted in confusion.

Lily smiled to herself, "Yeah, that's the way I like it."

Sirius shrugged, "If you say so."

Lily took a bite of her sandwich, casting a low glance at James. He knew how she liked her sandwiches. Lily considered the meaning of this as she ate the rest of her sandwich.

Sirius' patience was waning as she got three quarters of the way through.

"She's had enough, right?" he pleaded to James, "I mean at least there's something in there now."

Lily stared at him, "I'm right here, idiot. And I can tell you when I'm done, thanks." She began to take another bite of her sandwich when she pulled up form the table. 

"I agree, we don't want her too full," Remus commented, once again at her elbow. But this time, her other elbow was occupied by James. Lily found herself struggling less as she was marched up to the Gryffindor Tower. Reflecting on the last month, Lily was astounded by the lack of opportunities she had to be in physical contact with James. Well, that wasn't astounding, what was astounding was her increasing desire to be in physical contact with him. Of course, they sat next to one another on the couch, and occasionally, Lily would put her legs across him so as to be more comfortable, but as a rule, their contact was sparse. For years, Lily watched other girls flirt with him, how they would bat at his arm playfully as an excuse to touch him, and now she found herself doing the same thing. Right now though, she just let him hold her elbow and direct her to their destination.

There was some struggle getting through the portrait hole, but as they arrived in the boys' dorm, Lily found herself somewhat reluctantly released. As she turned, she saw Sirius lock the door once the normal way, and then a second time using a spell she couldn't hear, but was certain was not in any regular textbooks.

"Are we doing something illegal?" she joked.

The boys froze, not answering her.

"Oh no, Black," Lily said scrambling to the door, "Let me out of here right now. I refuse to be a part of this."

"Sorry Lil," Sirius grinned, "This door right here, as been Marauder locked."

"That means," Peter continued, "You can't open it unless you're a Marauder and know how." Lily glared at him.

"And," Remus finished, "We're not going to do that."

Lily stood facing the door, willing it to open. But eventually she turned around and marched back to the middle of the room. "I demand to know what is going on here."

"Well," said Remus, "First, I'd like you to know that, we do this with out locking the door, but we thought it would be better for, er, your reputation if we had some protection, since you'll be joining us."

James smiled, "It's not really illegal anyway, I mean compared to other things that can get you in trouble at school."

Lily started to speak, but Sirius cut her off, "You see Lily, it has come to our attention, that you have not had an opportunity that many teenagers refer to as 'getting smashed.'"

She blushed, "I have so!"

"No, you haven't" Sirius replied shaking his head.

Lily turned redder, "Well, no maybe not. But... but I will not succumb to peer pressure!"

James began to laugh, "It's not peer pressure, it's a fun filled opportunity."

"Besides," Remus helped, "You should learn to drink in a safe environment."

Lily snorted, "Safe? With the possibility of being expelled from school? I don't think so. It's against school rules!"

"You play extreme quidditch three times a week without regard for school rules," Sirius smirked. 

They were all standing in the middle of the room now, Lily and Sirius having migrated from the door. James came and stood closer to her, "I don't think you realize how easy it is to get away with this, and how much of it goes on in this school."

Lily looked up at him wondering how they were so confident, how they had so many secrets, how they knew so much. 

"But," he continued, "if you don't want to, that's a different story."

"I- I do want to," Lily admitted, "I just don't want to get in trouble."

"You won't," Remus countered, "It's early, and everyone will be down at the feast, or relaxing because it's Friday. And it's not like a quidditch party in the common room where you have to worry about McGonagall coming in." 

"You drink during those parties?" Lily asked, sitting on the edge of Sirius' bed.

"You're very na-ve, aren't you, Lily?" Sirius asked, chuckling some.

"Besides," Peter pointed out, "If you don't drink you can't play."

Lily glanced up at Remus, "Play what?"

"Uh, cards," Remus explained, "But, uh, we don't exactly know what we're playing because someone" he glared at Sirius "got our last deck of wizard cards confiscated, and someone else" he glared at James "forgot to go get a new deck today. So we're stuck with this." He handed Lily a deck of muggle cards.

She smiled, "And you boys don't know any muggle card games?" They all shook their heads, and her smile widened, "Then I guess, it appears you need me. Whether or not I drink."

Lily watched in amazement as the boys came to a decision with out a word. Silent glances were passed around the room, until James nodded. "Right, well then, let's play cards."

Soon they were all seated on the floor, Lily shuffling the deck eyeing a bottle of Ice Vodka next to Sirius warily.

"Okay, I'm going to teach you Asshole," she decided.

"Why not teach us Bastard?" Sirius joked.

"Or Dickhead?" Peter laughed.

"Anyway," Lily ignored them and continued, "The object of the game is to go out first, you know, have no cards left in your hand." She glanced around to make she they understood her, she assumed they did, and moved on. "So, the first person to go out is the president, next is the vice president, then the middleman, vice asshole, and lastly, the asshole."

"What's up with these names?"

"Why president?"

"Shouldn't it be king?"

"What's a vice asshole?"

"What's a vice king?"

"Middleman's name is bad compared to the others."

"I don't think I have a vice asshole."

"ENOUGH!" Lily yelled to stop the complaints that were coming from all directions of the room. "I didn't make up the game, all right, I just learned it."

"Jeez, Lil," James joked, "You should have a drink, take the edge off."

Lily sighed, "If I had a drink would you all stop complaining and just play the damn game?"

The boys nodded. "Fine, Sirius, pour me a shot."

Sirius laughed, "Oh no, Lily, this here," he motioned to the bottle of Ice Vodka, "is a man's drink. We bought you some bitch drinks." He then pointed to a few bottles of Fizzy Pumpkin Cider next to Peter.

"Pour me a shot, Sirius," Lily repeated. Sirius grinned and poured her the first shot of the evening.

Lily took the small glass from Sirius and examined its clear composition. Looks like water, she thought to herself. Just pretend it's water. She brought the glass to her lips, closed her eyes, and titled her head. She almost gagged as the taste of alcohol consumed her mouth, but she managed to swallow it all in one gulp. It was so cold, she could feel it burning down into her stomach, sending chills up her spin. "Blech!" Lily sputtered, her eyes watering as she waved her hands in the air frantically. James handed her a glass of juice and she quickly sipped it in an attempt to rid her mouth of the taste. When she was done, she wiped her eyes and thanked James.

"No problem, love," he shrugged, "I just thought you might need a chaser, is all."

Sirius, sensing a chance to embarrass his friend added, "Hey James, aren't you a chaser?"

"Yeah," Peter added, "Maybe she needs you to help get the taste out!"

Remus rolled his eyes, "You have a way with subtlety, Pete."

But Lily hardly noticed this exchange, as she was musing over James calling her 'love' so casually. Anyway, she decided to move on with her teachings. "Right, so the asshole, is the person who still has cards at the end of the round and--"

"-and they have to drink!" Sirius guessed.

"No--" Lily was cut off a second time.

"Good game!" James exclaimed.

"Fine, asshole drinks." Lily gave up and finished explaining the game.

The first round, surprisingly, only had a few questions that had already been answered by Lily's previous detailed explanation. As it turned out, Peter was the asshole, Sirius the vice ass, James the middleman, Remus the vice president, and Lily the reigning president. The game was unpredictable for a while, everyone having a chance to be the asshole and take a few shots. The next rounds, however, proved quiet different. It seems, the Marauders were exceptionally good at picking up new games. Lily was again president, only to be replaced by Sirius. Remus fell to middleman, leaving Lily as vice president and James and Peter as vice asshole and asshole, respectively. As they continued, though, Lily continued to sink, until she was the asshole. After a few more rounds of Lily being the asshole, and not being able to rise back into the ranks, the boys decided to stop playing. It was clear that Lily was not going to be able to further her card game status, and it would be pointless to make her keep taking shots.

"How are you doing there, Lil?" Sirius asked standing above her.

"I'm fine," she responded, smiling. "I can barely feel it." Thus, Lily attempted to stand, and fell into Sirius. James was standing too, at this point and Sirius handed her off to him, so James could help her right herself.

"You sure you're all right, love?" He asked as she lay her head on his shoulder. 

"I'm fine," she replied nodding, smiling that he had used 'love' a second time. "Just a little unsteady."

He laughed, "Yeah just a bit."

Sirius was conversing with Remus watching this exchange, "She's not going to puke is she?"

Remus shook his head, "No, definitely not, she's just tipsy, well, more than tipsy, but she's not wasted. Plus, she had a good dinner."

Peter agreed, "She's definitely lost her inhibitions, though."

"What time is it?" Sirius asked

"Only nine," Remus replied.

"Right well, she doesn't need to go yet," Sirius commented. "Oy, Lily," he called to get her attention (she was standing on her own now, although James was watching her sideways tilting carefully), "Do you want to stay longer?"

Lily shook her head yes, almost losing her balance in the process.

"Well that's good, I don't think she'd make it to her room like that," Sirius said to Remus.

"We'll just keep her here until one or so, it's Friday no one will care. By then she'll be able to make it back with out getting caught."

"Right," Sirius responded, "In the mean time, I still need more to drink."

Remus grinned, "I agree."

So, Lily sat back down on the floor and the five-some continued their evening of conversation. While they were playing cards, pillows had been brought down to the floor to make it a more comfortable place, and now, much later after the conversation had dwindled, James, Remus, and Sirius were leaning back on pillows propped against bedposts, whereas Lily and Peter were lying on the floor. But as Lily attempted to sit up straight, she slipped and James offered an arm for her to grab. She smiled and leaned into him.

When Sirius looked up from the shot he had been pouring, he saw Lily leaning comfortably on James, her back against his chest. The hand that James wasn't holding his Wizard's Brew in was wrapped securely around her waist, and he seemed to be whispering something into her ear.

Sirius kicked Remus in an attempt to get his attention, as he was currently discussing something with Peter. Remus glanced at Sirius, annoyed at the growing bruise on his shin, but curious to know what Sirius was wiggling his eyebrows about. Remus smiled when he saw Lily and James sitting together, and before Sirius could speak he whispered, "No, I don't think we should leave them alone so the can get it on."

Meanwhile, Lily and James were talking quietly amongst themselves. 

"You're comfortable," Lily stated, cuddling closer to James relaxing into his presence.

"So are you," James replied, resisting the urge to kiss the top of her head, as he smelled her hair.

"I like this feeling."

James smiled, "I'm glad. As long as you don't drink past this feeling, that's not somewhere you want to go."

"Don't worry, you boys taught me well," she responded, playing with the tie that was hanging loosely from his neck.

James laughed, "You've only drank once!"

Lily smiled impishly up at him, "I'm a fast learner."

"Oh really?" he asked obviously intrigued.

"Oh yes," she answered not noticing the hint of desire in his eyes, but for the first time realizing that his fingers were tracing up and down her arm. "Tell me your secrets." Lily said suddenly.

James laughed and called out, "Looks like Lily's a curious drunk!"

"You don't say?" Remus responded, "What does she want to know?"

"I'm not sure. What is it you want to know?" James asked turning back to Lily.

"Everything," she replied not really thinking about what she was saying, "I want to know all the things you guys don't tell me, like why Remus gets so sick, and why Sirius tells stories about your house and not his, and why you don't talk--"

"I talk,' James protested.

"Of course you talk," Lily sighed, "But you don't talk about real things like you thoughts, or your feelings, or you past."

"Well, who'd be interested in all that?" he asked quietly looking down at her.

Her gaze held his as she said simply, "I would."

"You would?" he asked just as quietly.

She smiled at him and he smiled back, "Yes, I would."

"That's not exactly Friday night drinking conversation, Lily," Sirius cut in, breaking their eye contact.

"Well," Remus suggested, "How about we discuss all that tomorrow, over breakfast. We'll take you out."

Lily smiled, "Sure." Then she closed her eyes and leaned back into James.

"No sleeping here, Miss Evans," Sirius called, standing and walking over to them. He offered Lily his hands, and pulled her up off of James. Once she was standing, James followed suit, brushing himself off automatically. 

"Time for me to go?" she asked glancing over their nodding faces. "Thanks for a wonderful evening, blokes." She walked over to the door, James trailing behind her.

His face was close to hers, "Do you need help, uh, getting back, or whatever?"

She shook her head, "No thanks, I think I'll be fine."

He nodded and un-Marauder locked the door. "Good night, boys!" she called to the others.

"Goodnight, Lily," they chorused back.

She slipped half way out the door, and smiling coyly at James repeated, "Goodnight, James."

"Goodnight, love," he replied closing the door as she moved (carefully) down the stairs. He turned around just in time to be wrestled to the ground by his friends, Sirius calling out "Jimmy's got a girlfriend!"

He struggled out of their dog pile, saying "No I don't." But he couldn't help smiling as he made his way to bed.

Lily also smiled on her way back to the girls' dorm. She smiled as she snuck up to her room, and smiled as she curled into her bed. And then Lily fell asleep thinking about how nice it was to feel her body shake when James laughed, and the way his voice vibrated out of him when she was pressed up against him, and how much more comfortable her bed would have been if he were there with her now. 


	4. Chapter 3ish

In the Cards...

Lily, it turned out, did not get hangovers. True, she didn't really have enough alcohol to produce a hang over, but strangely enough, she was up at eight o'clock, waiting for the boys to take her to breakfast. Remembering the previous night put butterflies in Lily's stomach. Had she actually been that forward with James? Not that she had really been forward, she reflected, it wasn't as though she let slip how she really felt. Lily paused at this, how did she really feel? All I know, she thought, is that I don't mind flirting or cuddling with him, and I definitely don't hate him any more. And with that in mind, she decided to take a shower and get dressed. Upon exiting the girls' dorm an hour later, she ran into Kate.

"Late night, eh Lily?" she remarked.

Lily smiled, "What time did I come in?"

"Around one or so, you don't remember?"

Lily shrugged, "I had, er, other things on my mind."

"And that's supposed to explain the stumbling, then?" Kate said knowingly.

Lily gasped, "Who else knows?!"

"Calm down, Lily, I was the only one who saw. And I'm not telling, don't worry," Lily felt relieved. "But in return you have to tell me what happened, yeah? Did you guys hook up?" Kate grinned devilishly.

Lily was shocked, "Did who hook up?"

"You and one of the Marauders, obviously. I don't know, maybe the one with the adorably messy black hair and those stunning brown eyes, huh?"

Lily blushed, "Well, whatever, I didn't hook up with any of them."

"Soon then, eh? What are you doing tonight?"

"I don't know actually," Lily said thinking.

"Well, if you aren't too busy with those boys of yours, maybe you could fit me in, yeah? I've got plans at with Allison around five if you want to come..."

"I'd love to," Lily smiled; it had been too long since she'd had some fun with the girls. Between studying and James, er, the Marauders, she hadn't really spent a night with her friends. Lily never really felt connected to most of the girls she knew, but at least with Kate and Allison she had fun. Come to think of it, Lily never really had close friends. How much did these girls even know about her any way? How much did any one know about her? James knew how she liked her sandwiches, Lily couldn't help but remind herself. But she shook off these thoughts and said goodbye to Kate, hurrying down the stairs and across the common room.

Soon she was at the top of the boys' stairs, knocking on their door. When no one answered on her third try, Lily sighed and opened the door. "Guys?"

The shades were drawn, and the room was quite dark. "Anyone awake yet?"

Lily grinned when she heard a groan come from Remus' bed. She tiptoed over to the windows and drew back the curtains all at once calling out "Rise and shine!"

Now all four boys were groaning. "Lily?! Is that you? What the bloody hell do you think you are doing?" Sirius asked sitting straight up in bed.

"Stop yelling!" Peter yelled, placing a pillow over his head.

"Is it afternoon?" Remus asked.

"Shh! I'm asleep," James added.

Lily tapped her foot on the floor harshly, "I believe a certain group of Marauders promised me breakfast."

"Yeah, breakfast as in lunch!" James called.

"Well, I want breakfast as in breakfast. I'll be back in ten minutes. Get dressed." Lily walked out of the room smiling to herself. As she waited on the opposite side of the door she heard Remus yell, "Who the bloody hell promised her breakfast?" and the other boys respond, "You did!" Lily laughed and went back down to the common room when she felt convinced she did indeed hear "getting up sounds."

She waited in the common room patiently for ten minutes, and just when she was getting ready to re-rouse the boys, they came tromping down the stairs. "Lily, it's bloody ten in the morning!" Sirius announced.

"What a great time for breakfast," she replied happily. "What're we having?"

"Well, if you're willing to break the rules for the perfect breakfast, we're going to a little place in Hogsemeade called Posh Inn." Remus answered.

"Potion?" Lily asked.

"No, Posh Inn. Now are you willing to go all the way for the Marauder Saturday special?" James explained.

"Yes, actually I am," she replied trying to decide whether anything had changed between them.

James grinned, "Excellent, let's go."

Lily was lead through a series of hallways and then blindfolded, much to her chagrin. After many complaints and stumbles and Lily's inner curses that Remus was leading her instead of a certain other Marauder, Lily was led up some stairs and she could feel, smell, and hear the outdoors around her. The blindfold was removed, and Lily found herself in the village of Hogsmeade. 

"One day," she stated, "One of you is going to explain this to me. Actually, maybe today will be that day. I do believe that's the purpose of this venture. Explanations over breakfast, right?"

"Well--"

"The thing is--"

"You see--"

"Uh--"

Lily glared, "Those are all unacceptable answers." The boys looked at each other, wordlessly planning a plan. "Stop it! Stop having conversations with looks! And while you're at it, stop talking to me in shifts."

"What are you babbling about, Lily?" Sirius asked, obviously perplexed.

"You know, when one of you starts and then another takes the middle, and someone else finishes and it's like a little speech you've practiced before I even enter a room."

"We don't know what you're talking about," Remus stated on the behalf of all four boys.

"Of course we don't practice speeches for you," Peter added.

"And we don't have conversations solely based on looks," James continued.

"Even if we did, we wouldn't stop for you, Lil," Sirius finished with a wink.

Lily stared at them. How could such smart boys be so dense? 

"I'm hungry."

Everyone turned to stare at Peter.

Sirius laughed, "Right well, let's get some food."

"Good idea, Padfoot," Lily commented nonchalantly, loving the dismayed looks the boys were exchanging.

As she walked ahead with Peter and Sirius, Remus and James sank behind them. 

"You really know how to pick 'em, James," Remus stated.

James smiled, "We should've known she'd start asking questions. I'm surprised she hasn't figured it all out on her own thus far."

"She's too smart to hang around us all the time and accept our bullshit answers," Remus commented.

"So you're going to tell her then?" James asked looking forward to see Lily shove Sirius into a bush under the guise of "Oh, I'm sorry, were you walking there?".

Remus nodded and continued, "Are you going to tell her then?"

James threw his friend a confused look, "Tell her what now?"

"Your secrets?" Remus imitated Lily's voice, and ducked a halfhearted swat from James. 

James chuckled, "Oh yes, all of my secrets, how plentiful and stimulating they are." His eyes followed Lily as she walked through the doorway of the Inn. "Let's just see how she takes your news first, huh?"

Remus laughed and the two boys followed their friends inside to where Lily had been seated at their usual table. Sirius sat between Peter and Lily at the circular table, and Remus and James filled in the gaps. Lily mentally kicked herself for being disappointed that she was next to Remus and Sirius and not James. While she was at it, she gave herself another mental kick for wishing James had walked with her part of the way. Why was she so concerned with the physical location and proximity of that damn boy anyway? So Lily resolved not to have a crush on James for the rest of breakfast, as it was getting in the way of her enjoyment of the other boys. Of course, as fate has it, resolves are seldom left untested.

As Lily watched in dismay, a pretty blonde waitress came running out of the kitchen and into James lap. Too shocked to say anything, Lily just stared. After a few seconds of inner screaming, "Who is that hussy!", Lily zoned back into reality.

"What are you boys doing here?" the girl asked excitedly.

"I didn't know you worked Saturdays, Shannon," Sirius replied.

"That's because I only work Saturday mornings, and you boys can't seem to crawl in here before one!" she laughed and angled her boobs into James' eye line (intentionally, Lily was sure). 

"Well, we had a special reason to get crawl in here early today, didn't we James?" Remus added pointedly eyes flickering towards Lily.

"Yeah, uh, right," James said, gently shoving Shannon off his lap giving Sirius a weary look. "Lily, this is Shannon, she, uh, works here."

Shannon leaned across the table to shake Lily's hand, although Lily suspected it was intended more to expose her butt to the boys' eyes than to be friendly to Lily. 

"It's a pleasure," she stated, Lily sensed the sourness in her tone and gained comfort from it.

"Well, the boys promised me a great breakfast after our evening last night," Lily began watching Shannon's fake smile waver with pleasure. "So, I'm looking forward to the menu."

"Shannon!" an older less attractive waitress called walking over to them, "I thought you went on your break? I've got this table."

Shannon tired to protest and she and the older waitress argued over the table for a while until the older woman yelled, "Shannon take your bloody break!"

Lily smiled at Shannon as she left and took the menu she was being handed by their waitress. 

"Sorry about that, she's quite stubborn. Anyways, I'm Sabrina," the woman said to Lily giving her a knowing smile. "And you boys look like you've had quite some night!"

"It would've been better if you had been there Sabrina," Remus teased.

"Oh, stop it Remus! My husband'll get jealous!" She looked around at the other boys, "The usual, eh lads?"

They nodded, not even having to look at the menus, but Lily still had to decide. She glanced over the menu, ruling out "The Biggest Breakfast Platter Ever: you'll need to know reparo to fix your pants after eating this filling meal!" and "The Spicy Spicy Omelet of Death: so hot you might turn into a Chinese Firebill!" Finally Lily found a safe looking item: "Hengist's Giant Belgian Waffle: slay this waffle like Gifford Ollerton slayed Hengist the Giant!" 

She placed her order and handed Sabrina her menu, glancing at Sirius just in time to see him finish sending James a coded look. She looked at James who gave her a smile, but she did not return it and he began to frown.

"I'm not just here for breakfast, boys," Lily stated, crossing her legs under the table and leaning back in her chair.

"Is everything business with you?" Peter asked.

"Today it is," Lily responded.

Sirius glanced at Remus, "You first or me?"

"You first, definitely," Remus replied.

"Well," Sirius said turning to Lily, "I live with James." Then he turned back to Remus, "Okay, Rem, your turn."

"No!" Lily protested. "That doesn't count!"

"I believe it does, Lily, you never specified how detailed explanations you wanted, so we came up with a plan: we'll each tell you something you want to know, and then we'll have a pleasant breakfast."

Lily gaped at him.

"You didn't think we'd be telling you our deepest darkest secrets in such a public setting, did you?"

Lily couldn't find the words. "I want to know things!" she finally managed.

Remus, sighed, "And you will, just not as soon as you'd like."

"We are willing to tell you some things today," Peter added.

"Like what?" Lily snapped.

"I-I mean like how we sneak around so easily," he stuttered.

Lily wanted to stand her ground and demand better treatment of their 'agreement' but she realized it was an alcohol induced agreement with tricksters and decided she might as well listen to what they had to say and see if she could figure out the rest on her own.

"How then?" she posed.

"We made a map. It shows where and who of everyone and everything in the castle," he answered excitedly. "It's not finished yet."

She looked at a piece of parchment Sirius was holding out for her. She watched as it activated and lines spread across the page. "A Marauders Map," she murmured smiling.

"That's a good name, Lil," Sirius replied, tucking the thought away for later use.

Lily wanted to inspect the map more, but Sirius put it away into his cloak. She sighed and turned to Remus, "You're next then?"

He glanced away quickly, but began to speak, "I, er, well I have a condition that makes things hard, I guess. But Dumbledore set up accommodations for me, so I could attend school, and the guys, well they made some er, adjustments also, to help."

"Could you be any less specific?" Lily responded glaring at him.

"Well, yes, actually," he replied smiling.

"So that's all I get to hear today?" Lily asked, purposefully forgetting about James, still annoyed about the Shannon incident and further frustrated by the boys interpretation of the word "explanation."

"Well, James has one also," Sirius countered.

"Does he?" Lily said to James.

"No," James replied coldly. "I don't. You were right, that's all you're hearing today."

Lily was shocked, he was mad at her? Incredible! The other three boys stared at James as he picked up his water and took a sip, showing Lily he wasn't one to be ignored.

Thankfully, the food came before Lily could gather her thoughts enough to retort. They ate in silence for a while before Sirius and Remus and Peter began an awkwardly irrelevant conversation. James and Lily focused on their food silently.

When the meal was over, the boys paid, while Lily went to the bathroom. On her way back, Sabrina stopped her. 

"Be careful getting involved with that boy,' she smiled, "he's too charming for his own good."

Lily, still angry with James, looked at the older witch and pretended to be confused, "Which boy?"

Sabrina sighed, catching Lily's tone, "Whichever one it is you're after, they're all trouble you know!" 

Lily smiled, thankful that Sabrina hadn't mentioned James specifically. She then walked to where the boys were waiting for her at the door. She looked at James' serious face, and felt bad for "forgetting" about him just because she was annoyed with the others and jealous of some random girl. Lily decided to be in a better mood to try and salvage their breakfast, hoping James would get in a better mood as well.

As they walked back to the place Lily had been un-blindfolded, she mentioned how good her food was. "Honestly, I've never had such a good waffle" She remarked.

"I prefer pancakes, myself," Remus replied winking at Sirius.

"What?" Lily asked just as Sirius yelled "PANCAKE!" and Remus and Sirius (who were on either side of her) slammed into her, attempting to flatten her into a pancake.

Lily, trapped between the two boys, was magically blindfolded and released.

"Have a nice walk back kids!" she heard Sirius yell. Then she heard three pairs of feet sprinting away and James yelling, "Sirius get back here!"

"What's going on?" she asked frantically, as she tried to remove the blindfold. "I can't get this thing off!"

She heard James' voice, much closer now, "You won't be able to. Only Sirius can take it off."

"What! How am I supposed to get back to the castle? Where did that bastard go?" Lily began turning in circles waving her arms in front of her trying to attack a nonexistent Sirius. Her hands found something solid. James.

"Stop swinging your arms" he demanded laughing at her antics. "They took a different route back to the castle, I'll take you the way we came, and we'll find him and kill him when we get back."

"I'm not going anywhere with you." She stated crossing her arms over her chest. This breakfast had been much less enjoyable than she imagined.

"Then you'll be here by yourself, blindfolded, until Sirius takes pity and comes to find you," he replied, nicer this time as he quite liked the way Lily looked when she was so angry with someone other than him and the stubborn pout she was wearing. Lily ran this over in her head and decided she'd be better off with James.

"Fine," she said. Walking in the direction she thought was right.

"Love," James said, she could hear his smile, "Wrong way." Then his hand were on her waist and she was being gently guided god knows where.

James and Lily entered the tunnel and headed back to Hogwarts quietly, James walking behind her with his hands on her waist. Lily tried to say something about Shannon, but couldn't figure out how to phrase it casually without sounding jealous. While she was discarding, "Who was that hussy?" James spoke up,

"You're not mad about Shannon, are you?"

Lily was slightly surprised by this remark, but decided to play it cool, "No, of course not. I mean, she seemed nice."

"No need to lie, love," James said pinching her sides some.

Lily squirmed and swatted in his general direction, missing due to the blindfold. "I'm not lying, I barely met her, why wouldn't I like her."

James laughed, "You looked like you were going to strangle each other."

So much for not letting on anything, Lily thought. "Well, she seemed a little territorial."

"And you weren't?" James asked.

"She has a right to be, I don't."

James smiled, "What right does she have, exactly, that you don't?"

"She seemed very close with you all, and I barely know anything about you." Lily tensed as she spoke, her jealousy and frustration returning.

"Calm down," James whispered in her ear, getting very close to her so she could feel his body pressed against her back. "She's not close with us anymore, we just used to, well..." he trailed off, backing away from Lily again so she missed his warmth.

"Well what?" she prompted quietly.

"We used to go out, I guess," James said and added quickly, "Not for long or anything, it wasn't serious, we just hung out really."

Lily remained quiet, not really sure what to say, so James continued, "I'm sorry she was there. Ex-girlfriends and new- I mean, uh, well..." James attempted to cover up his mistake and failed miserably.

Lily smiled and stopped walking, turning around, "And new girlfriends shouldn't meet?" she finished for him. He nodded, although she couldn't see this response with the blindfold on. "And am I your new girlfriend?" she asked, quietly wishing she could see how far away he was from her face.

He smiled, "No, I haven't even asked you out yet."

Lily laughed, turning around again and beginning to walk. This time James hands weren't on her hips, but clasped together on around her middle, forcing them to walk in closer proximity. 

"And are you going to ask me out, then?" she asked.

James smiled, "Will you say yes?"

"On one condition," she replied, "You have to tell me what you were supposed to tell me today. I mean, the thing "assigned" to you, that you didn't say at breakfast."

"It's more of a visual," he responded, "and in your present condition, it may be lost on you." Lily giggled as they climbed out of the tunnel, and continued walking down the hallway. But as they were now in the hallway, and could be seen by professors and the like, James was again guiding Lily with a distance between their bodies. They entered the common room a short time later, and James spotted Sirius sitting on one of the couches.

"Oy, Padfoot!" he yelled leaving Lily to fend for herself in the massive room filled with obstacles.

"Oy James!" she yelled as he left her. Lily slid her foot forward checking for solid objects and swung her hands in front of her as she made her way across the room to where James and Sirius were grunting-wait, grunting! She thought, that couldn't be right.

But it was right; James had Sirius arms pinned behind his head after a brief struggle that involved grunting and rolling on the floor. As James stood Sirius up and held him prisoner, Remus took pity on Lily and went to fetch her from her slow systematic room crossing method. 

"Prongs, let go!" Sirius complained, trying to free his arms.

"Take the blindfold off," James demanded dodging a backwards kick from Sirius, "Hey watch the goods!"

If Lily hadn't been blindfolded they would have seen her roll her eyes at their boyish antics.

"I would like to see you while I'm killing you, Black, but it's not a necessity," Lily threatened.

Sirius grinned at her, "Why would you kill me for giving you quality time with little Jamesie here - ow! Prongs that hurt!" James had tightened his grip on Sirius and bent his arm slightly in a less than right direction.

"Take the blindfold off," James repeated.

"I can't take it off with out the use of my arms," Sirius argued.

James laughed, "I'm not falling for that bullocks, Padfoot."

"Moony, will you tell him I need my hands," Sirius changed the direction of his pleading.

"I'm not helping you anymore, Sir," Remus chuckled, adding to James, "All he has to do is say 'devenda' and Lily'll be able to take it off herself."

Sirius looked shocked, "How could you betray me like this, Moony!"

"Shove it Padfoot, you had it coming."

James tightened his grip again, "Say it."

"Devenda!" Sirius cried.

Lily released herself from blindness and smacked Sirius upside the head, as he was released himself from James. Sirius then punched Remus in the arm, "You're no fun."

Remus smiled, "I'm plenty of fun, who taught you that spell?"

"This was your idea!" Lily shrieked

"Got to go!" Sirius and Remus cried simultaneously, sprinting from the room before Lily's eyes fully readjusted to the light. Lily decided not to go after them, for the moment, and instead leaned over the arm of a comfortable chair sliding into the seat.

James stood next to her, "What are you doing tonight?"

Lily smiled, "Hanging out with Kate and Allison."

James looked disappointed but recovered quickly, "I was just thinking, maybe I could take you out sometime."

"Maybe," Lily replied her eyes dancing. 

James grinned, "Well then maybe I'll show you that visual."

"I guess, if you're going to black mail me into it, I could go out with you."

"Excellent." James turned to go up to his room, "Have a nice evening, love."

Lily smiled, "You too."

Lily sat in the armchair for a while going over her morning in her head. She was so comfortable, that she soon fell asleep. Waking up, noticed James sitting on the couch closest to her reading a book.

"Hello,' she said, stretching.

"Come here," James replied glancing up from his book.

Lily complied and moved over to the couch, taking a seat next to James. He put an arm around her and balanced the open book on his knee. "Shall I read to you?" he asked formally. 

Lily smiled and nodded, snuggling into him as he began to read. " 'The quaffle fell from Arthur's hand as a bludger pegged him in the arm. Luckily, Merlin was below him and caught it. He tossed the quaffle back to Arthur, just as Lancelot--' " 

"James, what are you reading?" Lily asked incredulously.

" 'Merlin Plays Quidditch,'" James replied simply.

"That doesn't even make sense!" Lily cried.

"I assure you, love, we're not reading this for historical value. Although parts of it are quite accurate."

Lily laughed, "Accurate? How could Lancelot and Arthur play if they aren't wizards? Besides quidditch wasn't even invented back then!"

James grinned, "But Guinevere's not allowed to play because she's a woman. It doesn't get more accurate than that."

"Oh no, as long as there's the accurate amount of sexism, facts don't matter."

"Exactly. Now may I continue?" James asked. 

"Why, yes please continue, I can't wait to see Mordred catch the snitch!"

James ignored her sarcasm and continued reading. He was very good at reading out loud, Lily thought. He read to her as a parent would read to a child, deepening his tone from character to character and providing a constant narrating voice with proper word emphasis.

Lily made for a good listener, laughing at the right parts (and sometimes the wrong parts). When she was confused because the plot mentioned something that happened earlier in the story, while James had been reading alone, he carefully explained it to her. They sat together pleasantly enjoying the tale until the sixth year girls returned from elsewhere in a loud group.

Olivia was the first to spot them. She glared at Lily who deliberately cozied herself with James, staring right back. Olivia turned and went up the stairs to the girls' dorm her two friends trailing behind her.

After they left, Lily noticed Kate had brought Allison, who was in Ravenclaw, and they too were heading up to the girls' dorm. She turned to James, "I've got to go."

He nodded, and she continued, "Thanks for reading to me, fill me in on what happens after the Lancelot comes out of the coma, okay?" He nodded again.

"See you later, love."

Lily smiled and stood, "Bye."

She climbed the stairs and opened the door brushing past Olivia, who was on her way out. She walked into the room spotting Allison and Kate sprawled on Kate's bed.

"Hello," Lily said plopping down next to Allison.

"Hello," they replied.

"Good book?" Kate asked grinning.

"No, actually, but it's amusing." Lily replied further explaining the plot.

"You're kidding!" Allison laughed, "That's what James Potter reads in his free time?"

Lily laughed, nodding. "I don't understand it, either."

Kate looked at her slyly, "So are you two...?"

Lily grinned, "Yeah, well, almost. I mean its not official, we haven't gone on a date yet or anything, but he asked."

The other two girls squealed. "I'm so happy for you!" Allison exclaimed.

"I still don't get how this happened," Kate stated leaning over the side of her bed, trying to get something out from under it. She emerged with a box of chocolates and continued, "I mean, I thought you hated James."

"Yeah," Allison agreed, "And then all of the sudden you're like the fifth marauder."

"I'm not really sure how it happened," Lily replied, taking a caramel chocolate from the box. "I guess I relaxed some and he grew up some, and we just clicked." It just started as a simple dare, Lily mused to herself. It was so much more than that now. At least to her, but was it to James? Of course it was, she scolded herself for doubting his feelings. He made it quite apparent how he felt towards her.

Lily joined back into the conversation, now onto Allison's observations during lunch.

"Did you see Snape?" she was saying, "He looked so hung over!"

Kate concurred, "He must've had a late night. I hear those Slytherins drink more than anyone in the school."

Lily remained quiet; she really didn't know what drinking was going on in the school, having just experienced it for the first time the previous night.

"Speaking of lunch," Allison said, changing the subject, "Let's have dinner."

"How is that speaking of lunch?" Lily laughed.

Allison smiled and shrugged and the three girls made their way down to the Great Hall. Lily looked for James in the common room, but he was no longer there. When they reached the Great Hall, she looked for him again, but to no avail. She silently wished for her own Marauder's Map as she sat down at the table.

"Mashed potatoes!" she exclaimed, delighted.

"Why do you get so excited when there are mashed potatoes?" Kate inquired. Helping herself to some green beans and a roll.

"Because they're divine!" Lily replied, heaping a very generous pile of mashed potatoes onto her plate. "Yum!" she said eyeing them greedily, holding her fork just above the steaming mountain. 

"Bhere hust wotaboes," Allison pointed out her mouth full of squash.

"I'm going to pretend I understood that, and that I didn't hear it," Lily replied taking a bite, or more accurately, a scoop, from her plate.

The girls finished their meal with little event and returned to the Gryffindor tower, and back to the Kate's bed. Once lying comfortably, they decided to play cards, or rummy, to be more specific. Kate was a half blood and her father had taught her the game, but Allison was a pureblood, and had been taught in their second year. Occasionally the muggle deck confused her, but as they played often, or as often as they all had free time together, she only made a few mistakes. A few hours later, around nine-thirty, the girls tired of their game and simply sat around talking, until Olivia came racing into the rooms.

She ran up to her friends, who had been painting their nails on the floor, "Guess who I just spent the evening flirting with!" she exclaimed.

The two of them looked at her excitedly, waiting for the answer. Olivia glanced evilly at Lily before responding, "James Potter."

Lily looked down silently, wishing to hear no more, but Olivia continued.

"He was just about to take me up to his room, when stupid Peter Pettigrew came and fetched him away," she gloated.

Lily tried not to be upset, but she felt sick deep down in her stomach. James was a bastard

Olivia approached her pretending to look sympathetic, "Sorry Lily, no hard feelings, right?"

Lily felt the tears filling her eyes and simply left the room brushing past Olivia.

Kate and Allison turned to Olivia, "You're such a bitch."

Lily left the room and stood at the top of the stairs. She forced herself to calm down as much as possible, and dabbed her wet eyes. They threatened to fill once more with tears, but Lily refused to let them. If Olivia weren't lying, which was a slight possibility, she would not allow herself to cry in front of James Potter the Bastard. If she was lying, Lily concluded, she would not allow herself to cry over James Potter when nothing was wrong and they hadn't even gone on a date yet. If she was crying over him this soon, their relationship was going way too fast. Lily bit back the tears because she sure as hell didn't want to have to slow down their relationship.

Calmer, and significantly more collected, Lily walked down to the common room. She spotted James' hair resting on an armrest of a couch and walked towards it. 

"Did you have a nice evening with Olivia?" she demanded, not entirely planning to come off so possessive and jealous.

James sat up, startled. "No, I couldn't get her to leave me alone."

Lily sat on the cushion closest to the armrest where James had just been lying, "Oh."

"How'd you know she was with me, spying now?" he teased her.

"No, she just uh, said some things is all," Lily looked down at her hands.

"And you believed her?" James took one of Lily's hands in his own, and lifted her chin so their gaze met. "Love, I did the Olivia thing for a month or so, but I couldn't stand her, you don't need to worry about that."

Lily tore her hand away from his, "You dated Olivia, too!?"

James looked frustrated, "What do you mean too?"

"That's the second ex girlfriend I've found out about today, James, I mean, two a day and we aren't even going out yet. What am I supposed to think?"

"Nothing!" James stated. "The operative word being ex. I'm not going out with them anymore."

Lily shrugged, "I'm getting the impression you go through girls pretty quickly, James."

"That's not fair Lily," James said coldly, "It's not as if its been a week with two ex girlfriends appearing every day. It's been one day."

"Well, one day can be like, a whole lot of days!" Lily said nonsensically.

"It doesn't matter how many ex girlfriends I've had all right? All it proves is that none of them were right for me." James said ignoring Lily's previous comment, figuring it wasn't the best time to tease her about it.

"And what am I supposed to do if, if I'm not right for you," she said quietly.

James smiled, "The more time I spend with you, the more I don't think that's possible."

Lily looked up at him now and smiled. He took her hand again and laced his fingers with hers, pulling her towards him gently. She leaned in as he wished and he waited lips in front of hers, for her to move the rest of the way. She brushed his nose with hers and whispered, "Not here" before standing and pulling him with her.

"I think here is just fine," he said leaning in again.

She smiled, "I'm not going to snog you for the first time in the common room."

"We're going to snog?" James asked greedily, following her from the room. "I thought we were just going to kiss."

Lily shrugged, "I guess we could do that, if you want."

James shook his head, "No, your plan's better. Much better. Did you say first time? Does that mean we can snog more? And in the common room, after this?"

Lily pulled him into an empty classroom, and closed the door, "James, stop talking." He happily obliged, as he pulled her lips towards his, hands on either side of her face. Lily linked her fingers through his belt loops as he held her face and they kissed. It started slowly, but soon grew. Lily's hands went up, and James' moved down. She played with his hair, as he found the gap between her shirt and her pants and placed his hands on her bare skin. Lily was shocked at how quickly their timid first kiss turned into a full-fledged snog. Soon she was sitting up on a desk, with James standing in between her parted legs.

"James," she said pulling back some.

"Mmh?" he asked kissing her neck.

"James," she said more forcefully, making him look up at her. "Slowly, huh?" she posed her question, biting her lip.

"Oh, yeah," he replied, giving her a quick kiss, and then moving back so she could hop off the desk.

She moved past him and towards the door, but he caught her arm and she looked back at him, "Are you mad? I mean, did I--"

Lily smiled at his puppy dog eyes, he looked so worried, "No, you didn't." she said pulling him in for another kiss. She closed her eyes and drank him in, loving every touch he gave her. Pulling back, Lily leaned her forehead onto James.

He looked relieved, "Good."

She smiled, "Very good."

He laced his fingers with his and the left the room together, walking through the halls smiling. Upon entering the common room, Lily turned to go up to her dorm.

James pulled her back towards him, and whispered, "Can we do that again, sometime?" his breathe tickling her neck.

"Let's just see how you do on our first date," she joked, standing on tiptoes to give him a sweet goodnight kiss.

"And when's that?" James asked curiously.

"In a day or so," Lily replied smiling.

"But one day can be like a whole lot of days!" he complained, teasing her.

"Goodnight, James."

"'Night, love," he responded watching her go, wishing he could follow.


	5. Chapter 4ish

In the Cards...

James woke up the next day feeling tired, like he hadn't slept. It made sense, though, as he hadn't slept. He'd spent most of the night lying on his bed staring up at the canopy above him, smiling. At first he had tried to talk to the others about the bliss he was feeling, but as the hours wore on, they became less receptive of his comments. When Sirius finally cracked and rose from his bed to stand threateningly over James and say "If you don't shut the bloody fuck up, I'm going to shove my wand through your tongue!" James finally got the message and kept his glee to himself. 

He lay in peaceful agony, satisfied and yet craving more. He finally fell asleep when his brain simply shut off due to exhaustion. Upon waking, he realized, he was going to need to find a way to be excited about his relationship with Lily and still be able to sleep at night.

He climbed from his bed and stumbled in the general direction of the bathroom. 

"Oy, Remus," he heard Sirius call as he shut the bathroom door, "Prongs is awake!"

When James emerged from the bathroom, after his shower, he felt much more awake. He surveyed the room and saw only Sirius present.

"A certain redhead came looking for you, mate," Sirius said smiling.

James smiled back at him, "Did she? Couldn't stay away from the Potter charm."

Sirius laughed, "Or maybe it was just her excuse to come see me."

"Yeah, okay," James grinned, throwing on a shirt. He sat on his bed to tie his shoes and watched as Sirius dived under his own bed, presumably looking for socks. He emerged victorious with two different colors in hand. 

"They smell like they've only been worn twice!" He exclaimed happily, pulling the socks onto his feet.

"That's just wrong," James stated, standing from his bed and leaving the room.

He spotted his target the second his feet hit the common room. Lily was hunched over a pile of books at a table in the corner. He walked up to her from behind and tugged gently on her ponytail. "Morning, love," he said, as she turned towards him.

She smiled shyly, "Hi."

"What are you working on?" he asked sitting in the chair next to hers.

"The same thing you should be," she replied attempting to remain focused.

"Can I ask you a favor?" he said watching her work.

"Sure." Lily put down her quill all pretense of work forgotten.

"Can you help me catch up on all this work next week?" he asked.

Lily looked at him, confused. "Why next week?"

He smiled, "The first quidditch game of the season's this Saturday. Between practices and planning our first date, I don't know when I'm going to have time to fit schoolwork in."

"James, we can postpone our first date if it gets in the way of your studies," Lily responded.

"But you said we weren't going to be snogging again until after our first date, which means I have to make it very soon, indeed."

Lily grinned at him, "You won't have time to snog me this week, anyway."

"Oh no, love, I will always have time to snog you, you can count on that." 

"Don't forget, that technically, I haven't said yes to that date, because I haven't seen that 'visual' you keep talking about."

He took her hand in his and kissed the top of it. "How about tonight then?"

She nodded, "And I'll help you, so hopefully, you won't have to make up anything next week."

"Thanks." James smiled, "I need food, and then I have practice. I gave the team yesterday off so they would focus well this week, and I'm going to push them hard today."

"What time will you be done?" Lily asked, her hands wandering through his hair.

"Whatever time you want me to be," he replied, leaning in.

"So we can do work?"

"Yeah, something like that." James' face smiled in front of hers and she couldn't help herself. She leaned in and kissed him. I'm kissing James Potter in the common room! How did this happen? But Lily ignored her inner dialogue and confusion of her recent actions. She knew this was fast, but when she was with James, and he smiled at her, she just didn't care. This whole thing was so crazy, but it felt so right.

"James! Breakfast!" Sirius called from the entrance to the room.

"Yeah, I'm coming," James yelled back, gazing at Lily. "See you later?"

She nodded and smiled, watching him leave the room, once again pushing away her reservations about the speed of their relationship. 

Lily finished her work a while later and spotted Remus leaving the common room. 

"Oy! Remus!" she called after him. He turned looking for the source of his name and smiled when he saw Lily.

"I'm going for walk," he stated, "Care to join me?"

She nodded, "That would be lovely." 

Lily decided she had to make sure James was being real with her. If this were for real, then the speed of it wouldn't bother her. It would mean they just clicked. But if she was being played, she needed to talk to someone close to James, and someone mentally stable, which ruled out Sirius.

They left the room together and made their way down past the Great Hall and out the doors, on to the Hogwarts ground.

It was by no means a nice day. The sky was overcast and the wind was blowing at odd angles, whipping Lily's hair about her face. There was something in the sharpness of the wind, and the cold blasts of it, that gave Lily an ominous feeling. What could possess Remus to want to take a walk in this weather.

As if he were reading her mind, Remus said, "It's good thinking weather. Walking and thinking, I mean.'

Lily laughed, but the laughed seemed out of place with the scene and Remus' mood, "Yeah, if you like this kind of thing I suppose."

They headed around the castle, staying relatively close to the wall. Lily's mind was working in overdrive, thoughts running through her head. It had only been a month! She barely knew James. Well, what she knew of him before this was that he was a prat, but she didn't really know him. Why was she falling for him? What made her see him differently? This really was good thinking weather, she mused.

"Remus, may I ask you something," she said as they passed another tower.

"Sure," he said glancing down at her, before looking forward again.

"It's about James," she started, but he stopped her.

"Then you're asking the wrong person."

Lily ignored him, "Remus, I need to know certain things that James can't tell me, so I know what areas to tread lightly on. You saw what happened when I mentioned his parents, I mean, how am I supposed to stop that from happening again?"

"Don't mention his parents."

She glared at him and stopped walking, "His parents are the whole reason behind our relationship, I want to know why."

Remus sighed, "The whole reason behind your relationship, is that James changed." Lily looked up at him, and followed his gaze. They were standing a ways from the quidditch pitch, but James could be seen due to his unique style of broom riding. He was fearless in the air. Lily watched as he turned and dipped and sped through the sky.

"Why? I mean, what happened?" she wondered out loud.

"Now that does have to due with his parents," Remus stated beginning to walk again.

Lily was surprised, as she had been expecting no answer from the solemn boy, "What is it? What do you know?"

"It's really not my place to say, Lily," he began.

"But you're going to anyway?"

"Yes," he sighed, "I guess you should know. I'm not going to tell you the details, but last year James and Sirius were accused of, of well, a prank gone wrong."

Lily watched, as Remus closed his eyes slightly, as if the memory were still too painful.

"As it turned out, James wasn't the one to blame, it was mostly Sirius' fault, and he explained it to everyone."

Lily's eyes drifted back up to James as she listened to Remus.

"But, no one believed him. They thought Sirius was covering for him for the sake of quidditch or something trivial like that. Anyway, Dumbledore went slightly easier on James then Sirius, but James parents were the opposite. They refused to believe James had nothing to do with it. James was very close with his father, and for him not to be believed, not to be trusted, well, it was a shock. I mean, it was all a shock to James. The first time he couldn't talk himself out of something. The first time he was innocent. It opened his eyes, life wasn't fair. He and his father got into a huge row. People yelling stupid things, 'You don't do work at school because you're too busy with you're immature little tricks, you need to grow up!' 'You were never home to teach me to grow up!' You know, bad things like that." 

He paused and Lily glanced back at him, her head swimming with new thoughts. "What happened?" she asked.

Remus shook his head, "They spent the summer in silence, James was grounded. When he came back to school he had grown up, well not entirely of course, but the part of him that thought his life was perfect, better than the rest, was gone."

The wind beat through Lily's cloak and stung her eyes. "What was the thing that he didn't do?"

Remus smiled slightly at her, "You're asking the wrong person."

"I'm going to go in."

Lily looked up, startled. She had forgotten Remus was with her, deep in thought for the last ten minutes. She nodded and watched him leave. Lily turned her attention back to the air. The practice was winding down. Lily watched as James helped a fourth year beater work on his grip and aim. She laughed when James pointed to Sirius as the "target" for this batting practice.

Soon enough, though, James called everyone in for an end of practice talk.

As he finished, the team scattered, and James and Sirius were the only ones left on the pitch. Sirius hit James on the arm and dodged a swing from James. Lily watched this exchange between them, noting how clearly they were more than friends during certain motions. Sirius spotted her first and said something James, who turned around and grinned at her. He gave Sirius a brotherly pat on the back and jogged over to where she was standing, leaning against the bleachers.

"Hi," he smiled at her.

"Hello," she responded nervously, fighting away all her reservations.

James was about to ask what was wrong, when the fourth year he had been helping came running up to the pair.

"James!" the boy said, "Do you think I'll get to start on Saturday? I mean I hit Sirius dead on!"

James' eyes momentarily left Lily's face, "Yeah maybe, Henry. You're definitely improving."

"Really?" the eager boy cried. "Wow! Thanks James! You really think so? Oh wow!"

Lily smiled at the young boy. He clearly idolized James, and James had quite a lot patience for him.

"Well, you've been working really hard lately mate," James said to the young boy, before turning his attention back to Lily.

"Thanks, mate!" Henry said, obviously thrilled to be James' 'mate.'

As Henry was about to say more, James stated, "See you at practice tomorrow, Henry."

Henry grinned and left, "Yeah, see you there, mate!"

"What's wrong?" James asked Lily before any more interruptions came their way.

She shook her head, "Oh, nothing, I'm just in a weird mood. And I'm quite cold, actually."

James laughed, "Let's go inside then?"

The pair walked back to the castle together, and upon entering it, James stated, "I need to shower, and you need to see my visual, so we can have our first date and I can snog you some more."

Lily giggled, "Your point?"

"Come up to my room with me." He offered her his hand, and she took it nodding.

Once in the boys' dorm, James took some clothes into the bathroom with him and left Lily sitting on his bed. She leaned back, into his pillows and his scent surrounded her. Lily smiled and looked over to his bedside table. There was picture of him and his parents waving back at her. James looked remarkably like his father, and Lily could see by the way James' father had his arm on James' shoulder that they were very close. His mother was a sweet looking woman, who obviously had her hands full if James was anything like his father. Lily decided that Mrs. Potter must be a very stubborn strong character to spend the whole summer with James and Sirius. Why did Sirius stay at James'? As Lily thought about this, James emerged from the shower.

"That was quick," she said moving to the edge of his bed.

"I didn't want to keep you waiting," he replied roughly drying his hair with a towel.

" So, about this visual..." Lily began watching James walk over to his dresser and pull out a silver shirt. "Going to a rave?" she joked.

But as James swung the shirt over his shoulders, Lily realized it wasn't a shirt but a blanket, or a cloak. Either way, she didn't have time to get a good look at it because the rave shirt and James disappeared.

Lily stared in shock at the place James had just been. She jumped up as something brushed past her face. She was standing in the middle of the room now. "James!" No answer.

"James!" she said again. 

"Yes, love?" The voice came from behind her now and she jumped around to face it.

"Is that a bloody invisibility cloak?"

"Yes, love." Again the voice was behind her and she began turning in circles, not sure where he was.

"That's how you lads get away with it all?"

"Oh, yes, love."

Lily grinned, "Accio pillow!" The pillow flew into her hand and she began swinging it wildly around the room, hoping to hit solid invisible James.

"Oy, stop it!" she heard James call from the on top of one of the beds.

"Show yourself!" Lily yelled as Peter opened the door to see her swinging a pillow wildly around the room, presumably by herself. So Peter closed the door and left before she saw him, very confused and slightly frightened.

Suddenly, Lily saw James. It took a second for her to realize he hadn't taken the invisibility cloak off, but had slipped it over her head.

"No one can see us?" she asked moving closer to him.

He shook his head and glanced down at her lips. 

Lily grinned, "I bet this comes in handy, when you've got girls to snog."

James smiled slyly at her, "I could demonstrate how handy it is tonight, around eleven?"

She shook her head. "We've got class tomorrow."

James sighed, "Can you meet me on the pitch tomorrow night after practice, so we can have our first date?"

Lily nodded and pulled the cloak off of them. "I'm looking forward to it."

She walked to the door, and James called after her, "Where are you going?"

"Meet me in the common room in five minutes," she said turning towards him.

"So we can go snog?" he asked excitedly.

She laughed, "So we can do your homework."

"That's cruel, love," he called after her as she left the room.

Much to James' disappointment, Lily refused to snog him all through the evening of homework. She didn't even give him a kiss when he said "Goodnight, love" to her and watched her go to bed.

The next day, they sent each other secret looks all through their classes. The rest of the school had not yet caught on that they were in a relationship, but Lily's friends questioned her all through lunch. Lily could barely concentrate that afternoon while doing her homework. She kept checking her watch to see if it was time for her date with James. Finally, Lily abandoned the common room and made her way down to the pitch.

She walked out into the November dusk, shivering slightly. James was waiting for her in the middle of the pitch.

He smiled as he say her, "Ready for our first date?" he called.

She smiled back, "Out here? It'll be dark soon."

He approached her, broom in one hand, "It's going to be a really clear night. I thought we could go for a fly."

She laughed, "What kind of date is that?"

"The original kind," he replied put the broom in front of her. "You first."

Lily rolled her eyes, but climbed on to the broom. When she was secure, James mounted the broom behind her and kicked off the ground. He had his arms around her waist so he could steer, and his chin was resting on her shoulder so their cheeks were touching. 

James started them off with a series of stomach turning twists and dips until Lily yelled at him to stop. Then they flew in silence for a while, James meandering a path close to the lake, and then to the edge of the forest.

He was right about it being a clear night, Lily thought, at times she felt as if she could reach up and feel the heat from the stars. As they landed some time later, Lily smiled, "Good first date, James." 

"I'm glad you liked it."

He took her hand and they sat down in the middle of the pitch.

Lily began to fiddle with a ring on her finger, turning it around and around subconsciously.

"You're always wearing that ring," James commented, watching her.

"Oh, yeah," she said, taking it off and handing it to him, "My dad gave it to me when I got into Hogwarts. It's a Claddagh ring, that means that the way you wear it means something."

James inspected the ring carefully, "What does it mean?"

"If you wear it with the heart facing towards you, it means you're taken," James looked at her slightly confused. She elaborated for his benefit, "It means you have someone."

"Oh," James said, sighing, "How do you wear it?"

Lily smiled shyly again, "How do you think I should wear it?"

James took her hand and slid the ring down her finger facing the heart towards her, "Like that."

"You know what that means, right?" she asked butterflies in her stomach. 

He nodded moving closer, "That you have someone."

"Someone?" she asked, face inches from his.

"Me." 

Lily smiled and James pulled her into him. He gave her a kiss and pulled back, standing up.

"What is it?" she asked confused.

"It's cold out here, we should go snog somewhere warmer," he replied pulling her to her feet.

"Who says we're snogging?" she laughed.

"I do," he replied, holding her hand as they walked in to the castle.  
The week went by quickly for Lily and James. Between his practices and her studying attempts, they hardly had any alone time. They spent the majority of the week blushing at each other from afar, trying to make the awkward transition from friends to "more than friends." Before anyone could blink, it was Saturday and James was sitting at breakfast between Lily and Peter. 

As Lily buttered and jellied her toast she watched him. He was very still, except for his mechanical egg eating.

"Is he always like this before a match?" she asked Sirius, who was across the table having a bacon war with Remus.

"Oh yeah," Sirius replied, biting his 'sword,' "He gets real quiet, kind of creepy actually."

Lily crunched on her toast and shrugged. "As long as it's normal."

Just then, James rose from his seat. The entire Gryffindor team dropped their forks and followed after him, having experienced this drill many times as James had been captain for a while.

"Sirius, aren't you going with them?" Lily asked, perplexed. 

"I'm not on the team, Lil," he replied.

"But I thought you were, I mean last year--"

"I'm not on the team this year, okay?" Sirius said severely.

Lily looked down and said quietly, "Oh, sorry." Why had he snapped at her? Remus had said Dumbledore had been stricter with Sirius. Was he kicked off the house team?

"Look, Lil, I'm sorry, all right?" Sirius sighed, "I go to the practices still, but I'm not on the team anymore is all."

Lily nodded and finished her toast. She dipped her napkin in her water and dabbed at her hands.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked.

"I always get sticky when I have jelly," Lily responded.

Sirius laughed, "Lily Evans battles marmalade and loses."

She grinned at him, happy that he was less serious and more Sirius. 

As soon as they were all finished, Lily, Remus, Sirius and Peter walked out to the pitch. 

"Lily! Over here!" Kate called, waving Lily over to the seats she had saved in the Gryffindor cheering section of the stands.

The boys followed Lily over to her friend and they all sat down, waiting for the match to begin. Lily noticed Henry standing nervously with his broom right before the game started. He looked so young, and unsure. Had that been James once?

Lily barely paid attention to the game, though her eyes were fixed on a certain chaser. No matter where the quaffle was, Lily couldn't help but stare at him. Her boyfriend. The Gryffindor quidditch captain. One of the infamous Marauders. James Potter. Her enemy. 

Lily looked away quickly. Her enemy? Where had that thought come from? James was different; it wasn't fair to be holding past character flaws against him.

Around her, the others began to cheer as the Gryffindor seeker beat the Hufflepuff seeker to the snitch. Lily cheered as well, though she came in after the fact. The teams flew to the ground and had a small celebration with some of the students who rushed the field.

"Lil!" Sirius called from the stairs of the tower like bleachers, "Let's go! We've got to congratulate James!"

Lily waved the boys ahead of her, "I'll wait up here for him to be done changing, I like the view."

Remus gave Sirius a look, but they turned and rushed down the stairs anyway, eager to congratulate James. Lily watched from the stands as they found him. She loved watching the boys together, they had such a strong relationship and their interactions were just so easy.

"Not going to congratulate, Potter?"

Lily turned around, surprised at the voice. "Snape?"

"What are you doing up here, Evans?" Severus Snape asked her from the other side of the stand.

"Said the Slytherin in the Gryffindor cheering section," Lily narrated ironically.

Snape smiled as well as anyone can smile when they try their hardest never to show positive emotions. "I meant, why aren't you down there with your new friends?" He gestured towards the four laughing boys.

"I fail to see how that is any of your business," Lily quipped.

There was a long silent pause, as Lily waited for Snape's reply.

"We're not friends, Evans," Snape stated finally changing the subject. "But we're not enemies. You and Potter are."

Lily was shocked by his forwardness, and hesitated some before saying, "Were."

Snape smiled an eerie smile, "Sure you are, because Potter's such a great guy."

"Maybe he is."

Snape laughed, "He's a prick, we both know it, or at least used to. There was a day when we agreed on something, Evans."

"We don't agree anymore," Lily replied.

"He's using you, just like all of those other girls. I thought you were smarter than that, but I see what's happening Evans."

Lily glared at him, "Oh, and what's that?"

"You're falling for him," Snape sneered, "You, Lily Evans, are finally becoming James Potter's conquest, just like he always wanted."

Lily stared at him, "Remind me why we're having this conversation."

"Like I said, Evans, we're not enemies. I wouldn't be the one having fun at your expense. You really think he's a decent bloke all of the sudden? You really are a na•ve little mudblo-"

Lily slapped him across the face before he could finish. "Leave, Snape."

"I'm inclined to agree with her," James said from the stairs to the platform. He had arrived just in time to see Lily slap the Slytherin boy.

Snape moved towards the stairs, "Think about it, Evans, wouldn't want to see you get hurt. People have reputations for a reason. Character flaws don't just disappear."

"Which explains your lovely personality, doesn't it Snivellus?" James said blocking Snape's way down.

"Move, Potter," Snape eyes flashed.

James stayed where he was. Snape grinned, "Trying to do something to make daddy proud, Potter?"

James hand was around Snape's throat within seconds. The two rivals glared at each other, daring the other to make a move. 

"You worthless piece of shit. You are nothing," James said tightening his grip. "Nothing." James let go and Snape staggered backwards. He glared at Lily, and stormed down the stairs.

"What the bloody hell was that?" James demanded, moving over to where Lily had been silently watching.

"Why don't you tell me?" she demanded right back.

James stuttered, but said nothing.

Lily glared at him, "You have to tell me sometime."

"Tell you what?" he asked, running a hand through his hair.

"Anything!" Lily replied exasperated. James was frustrating her beyond words. She already had doubts about his sincerity, and he goes and gets into an immature fight with Snape.

"Anything? I tell you lots of things," James shot back.

Lily sighed, "About your parents?"

James stared at her, "What do my parents have to do with this?"

"You and Snape? You and your dad?" Lily supplied, "I'd say they have a lot to do with this."

James was quiet for a long moment, "Who told you?" he asked finally, his voice deep and low, a tone that Lily had never been addressed with before. The eerie quiet of his reply frightened her.

She stuttered, "I-I asked Remus."

"You went around my back to Remus?" his tone was even, but angry.

Lily hated the accusation, "You won't tell me anything! I wanted to make sure this wasn't just some bet!"

"It is some bet."

Lily was confused, "What?"

"That's all this is, me and you," he replied coldly, "A bet. An agreement, that's the only reason you started hanging around me."

"The only reason I started hanging around you was because I thought you were different," she said. "Obviously, I was wrong."

Lily left James on the top of the stands and rushed down the stairs. At the bottom, she ran into Sirius. 

"Why the rush?" he asked.

"Ask your prat of a friend." 

Lily continued on to the castle, barely noticing anything else around her. Sirius, Remus and Peter watched her go, their confusion evident on their faces.

"Right, well," Remus began, "Do you want to take her or him?"

"Him," Sirius replied, "I'll take her next time, but I don't have my protective head gear with me right now."

Remus nodded, "Fair enough." He walked off, following Lily.

"Hey, Pete," Sirius said, "Our house is still expecting a party, you want to go to the kitchens and get some refreshments for me, while I deal with this?"

"Yeah, sure," Peter replied, leaving also.

Sirius sighed, trying to decide whether he should approach James or wait for him to come down. Basing his decision on pure laziness, Sirius stayed where he was and waited for his friend to make his way down from the excessively high staircase. He didn't have long to wait before James meandered towards him.

Sirius easily fell in step with him and they made their way to the center of the pitch. Sirius watched James' serious face and waited silently. Before long, the other boy spoke up.

"Why is this so hard?"

"Because it's so new."

James cracked a smile, "Okay, Uncle Sirius, hit me with some sage-like advice."

Sirius shrugged and kicked at the grass, "I need to know what happened first."

It was James' turn to shrug. He put his hands in his pockets and nodded his head. "She was talking to Snape, something upsetting I'd say judging by the way she slapped him."

"Lily slapped Snivellus!" Sirius cried. James glowered at his friend's wandering attention to the subject at hand. Sirius coughed, "I mean, yes, I see, go on."

"We got into a fight."

"You and Lily or you and Snivellus?" Sirius asked.

"Both, clearly," James replied, "I said something stupid to Lily." 

"Shocking," Sirius grinned, James glared.

James sighed, "But she talked to Remus about me. About my parents and me."

"Are you mad?" 

Shrugging again, James replied, "Yes and no."

"Did you not want her to know?" Sirius asked gazing upwards.

James smiled slightly, "Yes and no."

Sirius glanced at his friend, "Honestly? I know you don't like to tell people things, but you're going to have to make an exception with Lily."

"Brilliant, thanks Padfoot," James replied sarcastically.

"Maybe you two are taking it too fast," Sirius continued, ignoring James, "It wasn't that long ago that she hated you."

"Ouch."

"You know what I mean."

James nodded, "Yes, but I don't need you reminding me of her un-paralleled hate for me."

Sirius smiled, "Actually, its very paralleled, Severus Snape, mate."

James laughed, "Thanks for your advice, all helpful observations, really. But I'm going in now."

"If it makes you fell better I think Snape's pulled in the lead more recently," Sirius called trailing after his best friend, his thoughts wandering to Remus' progress with Lily.

As it turns out, Remus wasn't doing much better than Sirius playing counselor to the angry redhead. He had followed her using the Marauder's Map and found her sitting, waiting for him on one of the moving staircases. The landing she was sitting on was currently unreachable for him, so he waited for the stairs to change before starting. Lily didn't wait.

"I wondered which one of you he'd send," she called down to him.

"I haven't been sent," Remus replied as the connecting stairs clicked into place in front of him. He took a seat next to her just as the stairs began to move again.

"I don't understand, he's like two different people sometimes."

"That's because you bring out the best of him, Lily," Remus replied, as they glided passed another staircase. "He's sweet and charming when you're around, because that's the only way he knows how to be to you."

"But why does he have to be such an ass?" Lily questioned.

Remus sighed, "James was a prick most of his life, it's going to take time."

"If he was such a prick, why are you all such good friends?" Lily asked as the stairs completed their circuit and started over again.

"Do you plan on riding the moving stairs all night?" Remus asked, started to get slightly motion sick as the stairs changed yet again.

"Do you plan on answering my question?" she replied, amused at the green tinge he was acquiring.

"Fun and helpful is the only way he knows to be to his friends," Remus answered.

"So, I'm supposed to just accept that he's a good guy selectively?"

Remus shrugged, "Having a boyfriend that treats you better than he treats everyone else really isn't something you should complain about."

Lily sighed, "He said we were just a bet."

"He was mad."

"He shouldn't have said it."

"You shouldn't have come to me for answers about him."

Lily looked up at Remus, "How'd you know that's why he was upset?"

Remus smiled, "I knew telling you that would backfire eventually."

Lily sighed, "I need to apologize." She laughed. "I need to apologize to James Potter, again! This is getting ridiculous. My life is upside down."

"Maybe you two are moving too fast. Being friends is new, being in a relationship is even further from where you were a month ago."

Lily didn't reply. Remus stood, not because he thought the conversation was over, but because he had to get off the stairs. He left her where she was and made his way to the common room where Peter was handing out refreshments.

"Good thinking, Wormy," Remus said smiling.

Peter grinned back, he had been mad that he was left out of the counseling operation, but pleased to be of service, and happy to get credit for supplying the party goods to the rest of the house. Lily came into the common room shortly after Remus. She approached him and Peter carefully, glancing around for James.

"Done riding the staircases?" Remus joked.

She smiled at him and nodded, "Can you tell McGonagall that I'm scolding some couple or something if she comes in and asks for me?"

"Yeah, sure," Remus replied, "Why won't you be able to talk to her?" 

Lily grinned deviously, "Because I'm am going to be drinking."

Remus grinned as well, "Excellent plan Miss Evans, but I thought you were a prefect."

"Prefects deserve fun too, Remus," she countered.

Remus laughed, "All the liquor's upstairs in the closet, help yourself, I'll be right up."

Lily thanked him and snuck up to the boys' dorm. As she entered the Marauder's room, she found Sirius all ready at the back of the closet pulling out the drinks.

"Fancy meeting you here," she said.

"James is taking a shower in the Prefect's bathroom," Sirius said from inside the closet.

"How does he-Never mind," Lily shook her head, "I'm not here for him."

Sirius was out of the closet now, and stared at her, "Lily I'm his best mate, I can't do that to him."

"Ew! No, Sirius!" Lily cried, "I'm here for the booze!"

Sirius laughed, "Brilliant, have a glass." He offered her a shot glass and quickly filled it. She downed it instantly.

"Another."

Sirius obliged. She downed the second shot.

"Another."

"Maybe you should slow down," he said.

"Another," she repeated.

Sirius didn't have time to respond because Remus was at the door, "Padfoot, I need help with moving the couches."

Sirius glanced at her but followed Remus down to the common room, leaving Lily alone with the bottle of Ice Vodka.

A/N- I apologize for any annoying typos... I hope they are mostly pretty small and understandable; I've read over these old chapters to correct most of them, but I just can't seem catch them all. Also, thank you for the feedback!


	6. Chapter 5ish

In the Cards...

Lily wasn't sure how late it was, or where James had come from. She remembered Sirius leaving her up in the boys' dorm. She remembered taking a few more shots. She even remembered going back downstairs to the celebration party. But what she obviously didn't remember was her low tolerance to alcohol, as she had never really gotten drunk before.

Now, though, she was leaning on James on the opposite side of the common room from the main party area. James had gotten done with his shower relatively quickly. When he had arrived back in the common room he was greeted with cheers. In the midst of it all, he saw Sirius waving him over and hurried to his friend's side.

"Lily's pissed." Sirius stated.

"Pissed?" James asked.

"Smashed pissed."

"It's been half an hour or so since her last shot but I mean she had a lot." Sirius pointed over in Lily's direction. She was laughing and dancing with her friends. It wasn't too apparent that she was drunk. But James could see a slight stumble in her step and she was obviously looser than normal. "It's Ice Vodka, mate, it's only a matter of time before it fully hits her." Remus approached the red head and led her to the corner of the room.

"What's he doing?" James wondered aloud.

"Trying to make sure that when it hits her, she's not with people."

James nodded, knowing full well the effects of drinking a lot of Ice Vodka in a short period of time. If you drank it gradually, it was like regular vodka, but if you drank it fast, it hit you all at once like a wave knocking your senses from your body. 

It appeared that this was exactly the moment the alcohol caught up with Lily. As James watched she fell backwards into a chair, holding her head and squinting her eyes. Remus glanced over looking for Sirius, but locked eyes with James.

"I'll take care of this," he said to Sirius, who nodded.

"Take her up to our dorm, let her lie down," he advised. "I've got some--"

"Yeah," James nodded, making his way over to Lily.

"Oh, love, you're a right mess," James said, kneeling down next to her.

"No I'm not," Lily insisted.

"You, are pissed."

'Yes, I am," Lily agreed leaning into him.

"How are you feeling, love?" he asked, staring her in the eyes.

"Not too good," she admitted.

James shook his head. "Not too good," he repeated. "Okay, time to go. Come with me."

Lily was led up the stairs once more, to the boys' dorm.

"What are we doing up here?" she asked as James sat her down on his bed and sat himself on Sirius'.

He sighed, "We're waiting to see if you feel better."

"I thought you were mad at me," she said leaning back.

James stood and walked into the bathroom, reappearing with a glass and a jug of water.

"You deserved to be mad at me," Lily continued as James pulled her into a sitting position, handing her a glass of water.

"Is that so?" he replied.

"I should have come to you, not Remus. But I doubt you would have told me if I had come to you."

James laughed, "We can talk about this some other time, love."

"Those names mean something, don't they?" she replied, finishing the water and lying back down.

"What names?" James asked sitting next to her.

"Padfoot, Moony, Wormtail, Prongs," she replied.

"You think they mean something?" he asked.

"I know they do. And I'm going to find out," she said.

James refilled her glass with a jug from his nightstand and sat her back up to drink it. She wordlessly agreed to his request and drank the second glass.

"James?" she asked, upon finishing the glass, "Are we moving too fast?"

James was quiet. He refilled her glass again.

"I mean, Remus says we might be going a little fast," she said.

James sighed, "Sirius thinks so too."

Lily giggled, "Snape doesn't like it either."

James laughed, "That's three people voting against us." He handed her the glass a third time.

Lily shook her head, "I'm not thirsty."

"Drink it," he insisted, "It'll get you sober."

"Water isn't going to sober me," Lily argued.

James smiled, "Not regular water."

"This isn't regular water?" Lily asked taking the glass from him.

He shook his head, "I mixed it sobering potion."

"Why not just give me the sobering potion straight?"

"Because that would make you puke," James replied. "It's a brutal potion taken straight, but if you mix the dosage with a lot of water it cleans out your system and isn't concentrated enough to make you throw up everything you've ever eaten in your life."

Lily finished the glass and handed it back to James for him to refill. "How many more glasses are there?"

James smiled, "I'd say you've got three more to down, and then about ten minutes to wait and you'll be well enough to ride a broom, though you probably wouldn't legally be allowed to drive a car."

Lily laughed. "Why are you trying to sober me anyway?"

"Because, if you don't get sober before the Ice Vodka really kicks in, we'll be spending the night in the bathroom. Besides, we need to talk."

"I think the bathroom option sounds more promising," Lily joked, starting on the next glass of water.

"As someone who's experienced the bathroom option, I recommend the talking," James replied, noting Lily coming back from her previously debauched state of being.

James watched quietly as Lily drank the rest of the water from the jug. As she finished, she asked, "You boys just keep sobering potions in the bathroom?"

"You never know when you're going to need to get sober fast," James replied. "It belongs to Sirius."

"That explains it."

"That explains everything."

Lily laughed and lay down. Her vision was clearing, but the room was still spinning slightly, she felt like she was riding the staircases. She relaxed into the familiar feeling and felt quiet tired. She yawned and closed her eyes.

A few minutes passed, before James spoke.

"How are you feeling now, love?"

There was no response.

"Love?" James asked moving over to where she lay. Lily was sleeping soundly on his bed. James smiled slightly, and lay down next to her, carefully, so as not to wake her. James closed his eyes and imagined waking up next to Lily. Unfortunately for James, he woke up to the sound of her rushing from the room. James opened his eyes just in time to see a red blur flee from the dormitory.

James ran after her, confused.

"Lily, wait!" he called as he reached the stairs. Lily was standing on the landing peering down into the common room trying to determine if anyone would notice her coming down the boys' stairs.

She spun around when she heard James, "How long were we up here?" she demanded.

James checked his watch, "We were only asleep for like 15 minutes, love."

"I can't believe this," Lily stated putting her head in her hands.

James watched her more confused than ever, "What's wrong?"

"Everything," Lily glared at him.

James was stunned, "Why are you so angry with me?"

"I'm not," Lily sighed, "I'm angry with myself. I should be angry with you. You said we were just a bet!"

James looked down, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

Lily waved off his apology, "That's not the point. I'm not even mad about that, I just- I-"

Lily faltered, searching for the words. James waited for her to continue, though not sure where she was going with it.

"This isn't going to work," she stated finally. Again, James didn't reply. "I just can't."

James looked at her, "Can't what?"

"I can't do this anymore. It's not me."

"It's me?" James asked confused.

Lily shook her head, "No, it's not what I'm about. It's not me."

"Not you?" James began to pace on the landing, trying to process all the things Lily was saying. "How is it not you if you're doing it?"

"Because it isn't me!" Lily asserted. "I don't do this! I don't sneak off to Hogsmeade, I don't break school rules daily, and I don't need sobering potions to ward off the effects of Ice Vodka!"

James stared at her, "That's not you? Are you sure, it seemed to be you pretty well. Maybe it could be you and it just needs some getting used to."

"It's not me," Lily repeated. "And because of that, this can't work."

"It can work, this could be you," James countered.

"I can't just become something I'm not, and haven't been, just because it would make you happy."

James glared at her and replied coldly, "You're such a hypocrite, Lily. Seriously."

Lily looked away, "I shouldn't have said that, but you know what I meant."

James nodded, "You meant that it's okay for you to stay exactly how you are and make no compromises, where as I have to become a whole new person to even get the time of day from little miss perfect."

It was Lily's turn to glare. "Oh good, James, as always you raise the maturity level with petty name calling. Bravo."

"That's just what I do, isn't it? I'm an immature corrupter of all things good and pure like Lily Evans." He tried to catch her gaze and failed.

"James, it's not like that. This isn't about you! It's about me, and I can't do this!" she stated, finally meeting his gaze. "I still want to be your friend."

"My friend?" He turned and leaned his forehead against the nearest wall, so his back was to her.

"Yes, we'll finish up our agreement and -"

He turned around in a flash, "Our agreement?" he asked angrily, "This has nothing to do with our agreement."

"Well, it does now," Lily said softly.

"We're so far past that stupid deal, Lily," James said forcefully.

"Not anymore," she replied. "We're friends now, with an agreement. That's all I can handle right now. I just don't feel like myself, I'm doing things I don't like, and I can't deal with it."

James laughed icily, "So you're scared and you're running away?"

Lily dug her nails in to the palm of her hand, clenching her fists in frustration, anger, and hurt. "If that's the way you want to see it, fine." She turned to go down the stairs, but James stopped her again.

"Love, don't, please," he said quietly looking at her so intensely her breath caught in her throat.

"This is how I feel James."

The anger was back on his face, "Then I feel like you're a coward, I never would have thought it, but you are. And this," he motioned between the two of them with one hand, "was a waste of time." 

He brushed passed her down the stairs and as Lily sunk onto the bottom step, weakened by his harsh words. After she heard the common room portrait slam shut, she sat there for a moment, composing herself as she always did when she felt the need to cry. Finally, shakily, Lily made her way across the common room and up the girls' staircase, ignoring the questioning looks she was receiving from Sirius and Remus.

A few weeks passed. It was now the end of November, and the school was buzzing with excitement, as they could smell their Christmas dinner and imagined the rewards of a holiday in their future. As for Lily and James, not many people realized they had were going out, so the only gossip concerning them was that they were no longer friends, which wasn't much gossip at all considering they hadn't been friends for five years prior to the "fluke" month. The policy between them became: Lily avoided James; James avoided Lily. When they did meet, accidentally or "accidentally" (through Sirius' subtle intervention), neither one of them spoke. It seemed that things had gone back to normal at Hogwarts, except the animosity was gone between them, having been replaced by hurt for both parties.

At first, Lily had tried to go back to her life before James Potter interrupted it so easily. Despite her attempts to move back in time, Lily found herself hoping James would enter the library on the nights they used to meet to study. She couldn't focus on her work, constantly glancing to the door whenever someone walked in, hoping it would be him. She tried reminding herself of the horrible things he said, but after reverting to her old "all work and no play" schedule, Lily decided she'd have to do something, or die of boredom. She had become accustomed to a certain amount of Marauder fun in her life, and she could still be herself (and a good prefect) laughing and talking with the boys. That was perfectly innocent, Lily reasoned, besides, they were friends and she wouldn't be breaking any rules. All she had to do was get James to apologize to her, because his words had been quite harsh. At the back of her mind, Lily still thought James should try to understand her position, but she wasn't going to push for a miracle. Thus, as November ended, Lily had made her resolution.

During the weeks, prior to Lily's resolution, James had been wrestling the same feelings. As much as he was hurt by Lily's decision, he missed her presence in his life. And after much thought and consideration on the subject, he'd decided he had no right to push aside her position and feelings on the matter. If she didn't want to be his girlfriend, there was nothing he could do about it except be her friend and show her how he felt. Determined to fix their new but already broken relationship, James began December with a mission.

That Thursday, December 1st, both Lily and James made their decisions to reinstate the other in their lives. They both concluded the "mending" should be done right away, so it seemed December 1st would also be the day of reconciliation for the pair. As Lily was packing her bag to leave the library and find James in the common room, James was standing up from his armchair, preparing to search for Lily in the stacks. Trying to be as efficient as possible, James decided to take a short cut; trying to be as quick as possible, Lily decided to run. Just as James was coming out of the secret exit, someone rushing by slammed into him, spilling their books on the floor. Lily turned the corner only to bump into someone, causing her books to fall and spread along the empty hallway.

"Why the rush, Evans?" Snape asked, at about the same time Olivia was on her hands and knees with James, collecting her school supplies.

Lily bent down to pick up the book closest to her, "I've just thought of a homework assignment I forgot about."

Snape smirked, watching her crawl a step and reach towards another book. "I thought you were rushing to Potter for moment, before I remembered you had come to your senses after our little talk."

If he could, Severus would have dodged the deathly glare Lily threw at him. "I hope you don't think our 'talk' had anything to do with my relationship with James."

Lily stood finally, having finished collecting her books and other various items. Snape leaned against the stone wall, "Oh no, I'd never presume I had the ability to influence such a strong minded girl as yourself, Evans. But," his eyes flashed, "it seems quite coincidental that you and Potter had your falling out the day after I offered my opinion."

Glaring again, but not able to think of a good come back Lily turned and walked down the hallway, leaving the Slytherin alone with his smirks.

Meanwhile, James was trying to get passed Olivia.

"And that's when I told her I thought the test was unfair. I mean, how was I supposed to know that?" She finished her story, staring at James, waiting for a reaction.

It was in the book, James thought, but instead he attempted to bring the conversation to a close. "Yeah, I guess, well, yeah, sorry. But I really need to get to the library."

Olivia laughed, "It's a good thing you didn't come earlier!" James looked at her confused, and Olivia leaned in closer to explain, "Lily just left, is all. I noticed that you two haven't been getting along lately. Why is that?" 

Her eyebrows were raised higher than James even knew was possible. Olivia looked so curious, James thought her eyes were going to pop out of her head. But he was thankful for the information she provided. "Well, you know, uh... Oy! What's that?" James pointed down the hall. And as Olivia turned to see, he slipped back into the secret passage to the common room.

"James?" Olivia called upon turning and finding James had disappeared. Making a sour face, she decided to walk back to the common room and wait for him there.

A few minutes later, just as James was coming out of the passage near the Gryffindor tower where Lily was steps away from being, she realized she didn't have her potions scroll. Figuring she had missed it when she picked up the rest of her belongings, she quickly turned and went back the way she came, barely missing James as he walked through the portrait hole.

When Lily reached the spot where she had literally run into Snape, she saw Olivia bend over and pick up her parchment. Sighing, she continued forward.

When Olivia saw her, she smiled fakely, "Are you looking for this?"

Lily nodded, returning the smile and the fake attitude, "Yes, thanks so much."

Olivia handed her the roll, "No problem, Lily. Besides, you've had a tough year so far."

Accepting the roll, Lily gave Olivia a quizzical look, and the other girl persisted. 

"What with James using you and all. I mean, you're just not his type. It must have been pretty easy for him to trick you and then dump you and all that."

Lily continued to stare, and Olivia continued to talk.

"It must be rough. But you're taking it really well." 

Olivia finished and looked at Lily. Realizing it was now her turn to speak, Lily said, "That's not how it happened."

Olivia nodded. "Oh I know," she replied patronizingly. "But I have to go, I'm meeting James in the common room."

"Yeah, I should--"

"Okay, bye!" 

Lily watched as the other girl turned and walked away after giving her a little wave. Sighing, Lily replaced the parchment roll in her bag. Maybe it was better this way, she thought. James certainly didn't miss her, or need her around. Who am I kidding? Lily asked herself, There is no fifth Marauder, and if there were, it wouldn't be me. 

She continued the debate in her head for a little while longer. She had been so confident in their friendship, but now she wasn't so sure. Did everyone think what Olivia thought? That James had used her? Had he used her? He wasn't wiling to be her friend; he wasn't even willing to think about it. He must have had ulterior motives. A deadline. A bet. And he didn't want a setback. Lily groaned.

"This is ridiculous," she said out loud to the empty hallway, thankful there were no paintings in hearing range waiting to butt into her life.

James had no questionable motives, she told herself firmly. But her resolution was lost. She made her way back to the common room, no longer with the intention of friendship, but with the intention to have no intentions.

When Olivia entered the common room, she went straight up to James. "You and Lily are getting really good at avoiding each other," she stated.

He faked a laugh, "Yeah?"

"I saw her on my way back from the library."

James glanced toward the portrait hole, and began moving towards it. Olivia stepped into his path, "Are you going to look for her?"

He nodded, "I need to talk to her about something."

Olivia sighed, "I wouldn't do that, James. She's dealt with this whole thing really well. You don't want to hurt her more do you? She'll come to you when she's ready."

Normally, James would put no stake into anything Olivia said, but today her words made sense to him. Lily had been avoiding him too. If she were really hurt, she would need time. But he was hurt too, and if she was making no attempt to mend their relationship why should he? Once more, James was filled with the pain of Lily's words. Why should he make all the sacrifices, do all the work? No, if she really wanted a friendship, like she had said, she would have already come to him. Maybe that friendship comment was just meant to get him out of her life. Maybe she didn't want anything to do with him. Lily might be happier without him, James decided. 

At that moment, Lily walked into the common room. Their eyes met, both filled with hurt. They held the gaze, each waiting for the other to make a move. James' suspicions were confirmed when Lily broke their stare and walked away. So she didn't want to be friends, he thought to himself. He brushed pass Olivia and up to his room.

That early December morning had not been the day for reconciliation, after all.


	7. Chapter 6ish

In the Cards...

"GET OFF ME!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"GRAGH!"

The common room fell silent, all eyes shifted towards the source of the noise. It seemed to be coming from somewhere up the boys' staircase. A certain redhead, whom we are all quite familiar with, smiled inwardly knowing exactly which of the boys' dorms the commotion was coming from.

"PETER! NOOOOOO!"

There was a loud crashing sound, followed by a distinctly Sirius, "FUCK!", James' "BUGGER IT!", and Remus' addition of "BLOODY HELL!" Then there was silence. The population of the Gryffindor Tower regained their focus and turned back to their books and conversations, obviously not too worried about the incident, as it was a quite common occurrence. 

But, Lily could not refocus her attention on her studies. She began imaging the scene upstairs, and felt a pang of regret that she had missed it. And many others like it, she reminded herself. Three weeks ago, Lily had made the decision to get James- er, the Marauders back in her life, and three weeks ago, Lily had made the decision not to. Again, it was Thursday, and tomorrow was their last day of classes before the winter holidays. 

Absentmindedly flipping the pages of whatever text it was she was pretending to focus on, Lily's thoughts wandered to the winter holidays. This upcoming event in her life was sure to bring her down even more. Not only had she lost the life that the Marauders had infused in her daily activities, but she would be going home to the bustle and joy of a combined Evans/Dursley Christmas.

Lily shuddered at the thought, refocusing her attention on her homework in an attempt to drown the image of Vernon kissing Petunia under the mistletoe.

Meanwhile, Remus and James were sopping up water off the floor with their bathroom towels. Soaking, on his hands and knees, James looked up to glare at Peter (who was wringing out the drapes).

"You just had to test it before it was ready didn't you?" he spat.

Peter moved behind the drape and continued to wring it, while Remus put tried to find the silver lining.

"At least we know that the freezing charm has to be better, and to use less wind."

James glared at him, as well, and then decided he needed to glare at Sirius for good measure. But when he attempted to find Sirius, he was nowhere in sight. James looked all around the room (which had been completely soaked). The walls were dripping, along with the bedspreads, but Sirius was nowhere to be found.

Propping himself up on his knees, James called out, "Oy, Padfoot!"

"Yeah?" a voice sounded from the closet.

Remus glanced at James, "Why is he always in that damn closet?"

James shrugged, as Sirius appeared with a spell book entitled "Super Spells."

Sirius' eyes were wide with excitement. "LOOK!" he said like a five year old showing a drawing they were proud of to their parent.

James took this opportunity to glare at him. "We're out here soaking up the water with out bloody clothing and you're trying to make more of a mess?" Remus nodded along with James for effect.

"There's a super drying spell in here."

All three sopping boys slid their way across the room to get to Sirius. The four of them stood over the book trying to find the spell.

"Stop dripping on the pages!" Sirius yelled.

"You would be dripping to if you had actually attempted to clean," Peter spoke up.

Hey came across a freezing spell first.

"Ooh!" Sirius cried, imagining an ice-covered room full of fun and danger. 

"No," Remus said.

"But we could play Extreme Ice--" James attempted.

"No," Remus repeated. "We have to get this mess cleaned up-dried up-whatever." He turned the page. A Super Soap spell.

"Ooh!" Sirius, James and Remus said simultaneously.

Peter paled, "No?"

Jams sighed, "He's right. I have to get some homework done. Dog ear the page, we'll come back to it."

Sirius looked slightly putout, but Remus followed James request. Upon the finding of the drying spell, the room ceased dripping. The boys grinned, proud of their cleaning job. 

"We'll finish later okay?" James asked moving towards his books.

"Are you sure you want to help?" Sirius asked.

James stopped and turned to face him, "why wouldn't I?"

Sirius shrugged, "You said you didn't want to put your name on it."

James looked down, "I just, uh, thought it would be weird if I signed it. It can be from you guys."

Remus approached, "Are you sure?"

James nodded, "Yeah, Lily wouldn't want a Christmas card from me anyways." He plopped onto his bed and spread his books around him.

Sirius and Remus exchanged looks, but continued to press James.

'What did she say to you exactly?" Remus tried.

James sighed, "I all ready told you, she wanted to be friends."

"So why can't you just be friends?" Sirius asked.

"I guess we're just too different."

Sirius and Remus exchanged a second look.

"James," Sirius started, "You study and do your homework now."

"And Lily," Remus continued, "plays SuperSlam."

James gaze shifted between the two of them, though he bore a confused expression on his face. "I feel like you're going somewhere with this."

"BE HER FRIEND!" Peter yelled.

Remus laughed, "Not as subtle as we hoped, but Wormy's right."

Sirius watched clarification form on James' puzzled face. 

"Maybe," James started, "I should just be her friend!"

Remus restrained Sirius from tackling James, and spoke encouragingly, "Good idea Prongs!" James beamed. Sirius glared.

Peter coughed, "But-um, how's he going to manage that?"

James grinned, Sirius grinned, and Remus got the plan rolling.

"We have one day, and then she's on the train," he stated.

"And you don't have all that much time, because we have classes, and she'll be busy packing," Sirius added.

James just grinned. "Don't worry guys, I'll just talk to her on the train."

"But you're staying here with us for the first part of break," Peter attempted.

James frowned, "All right, I need a new plan."

On the day Lily boarded the Hogwarts Express to go home for Christmas, she was expecting a fairly boring experience. Much to her surprise, as soon as the train started moving, James Potter walked into her compartment. 

"Oh good, you're alone," he said sitting down across from her nonchalantly.

"What are you doing here?" Lily asked unable to hide her surprise. She knew for a fact that James was staying at Hogwarts because his name had not been on the "Prefect's Potential Train Trouble" warning list.

He grinned, "Surprise! I'm going to London!"

Lily opened her mouth but no words came out, which was okay because James continued.

"Well, I'm not going all the way there. I mean I'm flying back later--"

"Flying?" Lily mentally gave herself points for regaining her speech ability.

James produced his broom and his invisibility cloak: "What can I say, I'm a bad ass."

Lily hid her grin with a glare. "I still don't see why you're here."

James noted the coldness in her voice, but opted to shake it off. "Reconciliation?"

"I told you how I felt about us dating," Lily replied crossing her arms and her legs in one swift movement.

James nodded, stood, and began pacing the small compartment. "Yes, I know, which is why- which is why I'm here to be your friend. Er, to work on our, um friendship."

Lily laughed. He always had such trouble with simple sentences. "So, you want to be friends?"

James nodded, watching her.

"With no hidden agenda?"

James nodded again.

"We're not dating."

Another nod. Followed by a long pause.

"Okay."

James looked relieved, and sat down, only to stand again. "Well, now that that's done..." he picked up his broom.

Lily stood as well when he started opening the window. "What are you doing?"

He looked at her like it was the most obvious thing in the world, "Flying back to Hogwarts."

She stared at him blankly.

"That's the plan the boys and I thought up."

And the mists parted to reveal clarity for Lily. "This is a Marauder plan," she said more to herself than to James. "Thus, the dangers and problems with flying out a speeding train's window have been overlooked?"

"If by overlooked you mean we put Sirius in charge of thinking about them," James smiled.

"Please tell me you're joking."

"Of course! We gave a sucky job like that to Peter!"

Lily slapped his arm and James continued to laugh. "Don't worry, Remus told me I was an idiot to try it, but that I'd be fine as long as I didn't get caught. Which is why I have this." He revealed his invisibility cloak again.

Lily laughed, "I guess you have it all worked out then, and, um, I'll see you after the holidays."

James smiled at her, and did something unexpected. He kissed her. Sweetly and quickly, but wholly.

Lily looked down as they pulled apart. "James..."

He nodded, "I know."

"But that can't--"

James captured her gaze, "It won't."

She watched him prepare to leave the compartment.

He turned to her and grinned, "Consider it a Christmas present."

Not able to help herself, she grinned back and teased him. "It's not what I wanted."

He smiled softly, "No, a Christmas present for me." Lily's smile reflected his own as he continued, "And it was exactly what I wanted."

He hopped up to the window, throwing his cloak around his shoulders. He tossed something onto the seat opposite her.

"What's that?"

James grinned mischievously, "That's from the boys!" He winked and was gone, invisibly navigating the winds back to Hogwarts.

As it turned out, Lily wasn't able to see what it was James had left for her until Christmas, as the skinny yellow envelope had been charmed not to let her open it early. In the mean time, Lily's holiday crawled by. She was happy to see her family, but Christmas began to lose its magic combined with the Durselys. Petunia and Vernon thought it would be "great fun" to have a combined family holiday. Unfortunately for Lily this meant Durselys everywhere she went. Relatives were on the couch, in the den, and at breakfast. After a few days, she just couldn't take it anymore. Not to mention the fact that one of Vernon's cousin had taking a liking to her. Lily spent most of her time avoiding young Humphrey, the largest fourteen year-old she had ever seen.

Finally, Christmas Eve came, and after having dinner with her family and dodging Humphrey, Lily stole away to her room. Her mother informed her when she arrived at home that she would be sharing her room with Gertrude, another of Vernon's cousins, but Gertrude had opted not to come to what Lily had christened "The Worst Christmas Ever."

Lucky for Lily, the absence of Gertrude meant she could keep her room to herself during the break. With out such a sanctuary Lily would have gone crazy long before the New Year arrived.

The traditional Christmas dinner she helped cook lasted all evening, so it was quite late when Lily managed to stow away to her room. She settled onto her bed with the suspicious envelope James had left her. Smiling to herself, Lily turned it over in her hands, running her fingers along the seam of the opening. It was only eleven thirty. After having been jinxed to walk backwards for an hour after she first attempted to open the envelope early, Lily realized she'd have to wait to see what it was they had given her. She sighed, laying the parcel on her pillow. Time to get ready for bed, she thought.

After going through her nighttime routine, Lily returned to her bed. This time, as she was in her pajamas, she snuggled down under the covers. Every Christmas Eve she felt like a little girl again. It seemed no matter how old she got, the thought of Christmas morning put butterflies in her stomach and a grin on her face. The feeling was unexplainable, but she wiggled her toes in excitement despite herself. 

Lily glanced at her clock; it read 12:01. She fought the urge to clap with joy, and placed the envelope carefully in her lap. Although she enjoyed being with her family, her last conversation with James on the train had filled her with the desire to be at Hogwarts with the Marauders. She longed to open their present just to have a splash of their fun back in her life. Now, finally, the time had come. Lily cautiously opened the folder, half expecting "can of snakes" like special effect. Nothing jumped out at her, no horrid smells filled the room, and Lily checked her physical appearance in a mirror she had near by just in case. No Snape features, she thought to herself, That's a good sign. 

Reassured the boys weren't going to be too immature on Christmas, Lily turned the envelope upside down and emptied it onto her bed. A piece of parchment and a card slipped out, landing softly on her bedspread. Having been brought up by "proper present opening etiquette"-minded parents, Lily went to the card first, leaving the "present" where it lay. 

Lily picked up the card, and, holding it delicately in her hands, read the front. There was a picture of four snowmen, each one different with striking similarities to the four boys whom the card was from. The caption under the snow Marauders read simply, Wishing you a Happy Christmas... As Lily marveled at the simplicity of the card, she opened it and revealed the result of the spell the boys had been working on when their room had been soaked. 

All around her, snowflakes were falling. A light breeze caused them to swirl about her head as the disappeared before melting onto her bed. The snowflakes, as well as the breeze that affected them were room temperature, so as not to make her cold. Lily smiled through her own perfect snowfall and read the inside of the card. ... with all the 'misguided' mischief in our hearts. Remus, Sirius, Peter, and James. 

She placed the open card in front of her, not yet ready to stop the flakes surrounding her, and sure closing the card would have that effect. She reached for the other parchment that had fallen from the envelope. It was another simple message, but she couldn't help but giggle.

You, Lily Evans, are one of the five people who have received this letter. You've been selected out of all the witches and wizards in the world to compete in the first ever Extreme Quidditch Invitational Olympics Championship. This invitation was not just given to you because you are one of the five people in the world who know about the game, but because of your SuperSlam skill. We'll be expecting you to register by the second week of January. Congratulations and good luck!

Lily had not been expecting a present from the Marauders, but this was more than she could ask for. They still wanted her to hang out with them. They were still including her. They were still asking her to break rules. Lily frowned slightly. She was all for hanging out with the Marauders, but she felt she was betraying herself and her prefect duties by breaking rules with them. But they were going to play with or with out her, she reminded herself. This way, at least she could supervise. 

Lily shook off the feeling that she was repeating history, falling back into the Marauders lifestyle slowly, only to have the rule breaking escalate to an extreme she was uncomfortable with. Well, it didn't matter. Tomorrow was Christmas. She needed to get some sleep. Sighing, Lily placed the two papers on her night side table, carefully closing the card. She was surprised when this action did not stop the perfectly patterned snowflakes from falling. 

Leaning back into her pillows, Lily watched the snow swirling around her. It'll wear off in a while, she thought to herself, yawning. Lily then fell asleep, content and excited for what would come.

The next morning, Lily awoke confused. The snow was still falling. It hadn't accumulated or anything, but the steady downfall around her was just as steady and downfalling has it had been the night before. Lily panicked as someone knocked at her door. How was she going to explain to her parents-to Vernon's parents!-that it was only snowing around her and the snowflakes were magically and didn't melt?

"Just a minute!" Lily called frantically to the door. How was she supposed to hide something like this! It wasn't as if she could wear a hat, or a big sweater.

"Bloody misguided Marauders," Lily cursed under her breath.

There was another knock, "Lily, dear, aren't you coming down! Let's have breakfast before presents!" her mother implored.

Lily tried not to sound shrill in her response, "I'm coming! I'll meet you downstairs."

But Lily's mother failed to comply with her wishes. The woman opened the door and stared at Lily who was halfway through putting on a sweatshirt, "Honestly, we have guests, let's go."

Confused, Lily attempted to find the head hole of her sweatshirt so she could see her mother's face. Wasn't she shocked? The answer dawned on Lily as she pulled a sweatshirt fully over her head. The snow had stopped. It must have stopped when her mother came into the room. 

Her mother was still staring at her, "Well, happy Christmas, dear. Come on!"

Lily grinned. "Happy Christmas, Mum," she said calmly.

Her mother grinned back at her and they made their way down to breakfast and presents.

That wasn't the last panic Lily had over the break. In fact, it wasn't the first. There had been a number of mishaps during the combined Christmas and Lily found the beak less than relaxing. Soon though, she was back on the Hogwarts Express, speeding through the countryside. She smiled as the train slowed down and pulled into the Hogsmeade station.

Upon arriving back at the castle, Lily opted not to feed with the rest of the new arrivals, but went straight to the Gryffindor common room. Humming to herself as she walked, Lily idly wandered through the halls. 

"Did you have a nice break?" a voice asked her from an empty classroom.

"Peter?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said stepping into the hallway. "I thought you'd be with James and them."

She looked at him, confused. "Didn't they stay here for the break?"

He shook his head, "No, they stayed for the first part. Remus, well needed, uh, he was staying for the first part, so James and Sirius stayed with him. But they went home after it." Lily thought she heard a hint of bitterness in his voice. "They should have been on the train back."

Lily nodded, "I must have missed them, I've been kind of out of it today." The two of them looked at each other before Lily motioned with her hand that she was going to the common room. She smiled slightly, about to ask Peter if he wanted to come. He returned the smile with out her asking, understanding her request. They fell into step with each other.

"So, your break?" he asked again.

"Oh, yes, it was quite nice. Tiring, but nice. Yours?"

"Boring, after the others left, I mean." 

Lily nodded, and grinned, remembering. "I loved your present. I mean, I panicked, but I loved it."

Peter smiled widely now, proud being the first to be thanked for their effort. "So it stopped in time, then?"

Lily laughed, "Not in time for me to not freak out."

He laughed as well. "Peanut-butter." The portrait swung open and they crawled into the common room.

James, Sirius, and Remus were laughing in their usual corner.

Peter and Lily approached them, and Lily stood back as the four boys greeted each other with hugs. Soon, their attention turned to her. "Hi," she managed. But the boys weren't content with that sort of pleasantry and soon she was hugging Sirius and Remus, and then James. Much to her surprise, he kept it quite platonic, and Lily thanked him with her eyes. He gave her a simple nod, and the group remained quiet for a moment.

"We must have missed you on the train, and the carriages," Sirius finally stated.

Lily nodded and took a seat on the nearest couch, between James and Remus. "Uh, thanks for the package," she said awkwardly, her eyes traveling to each one in turn. It had been so long since they had sat like this.

"It wasn't a problem," James smiled.

There was another pause in the conversation. Lily decided to throw caution to the wind and begin acting as if they had never had their falling out. "I have a question."

"Shoot," Remus replied smiling. 

She pulled the "Extreme Quidditch Championship" invitation out of her pocket. "Where do I register?" 

Sirius laughed and all of the boys visibly eased. "You just did."

They all grinned. And conversation flowed like it had before. Well, not way before, but to the before we're concerned with.

Soon the common room was full of chatter from students returning from home and dinner, and even sooner the common room was emptying. 

Peter stood, and glanced at Sirius, who stood as well. "Got to go work on an essay."

The other three nodded, and nestled into the couch together. Lily's thoughts wandered to earlier that day. Her conversation with Peter and peeked an interest in her.

"James," she said, turning toward him.

"Hmm?" he replied.

"Why did you and Sirius stay here over break for Remus but leave Peter here by himself?"

Remus began coughing and James looked confused, shocked by the complexity of Lily's question. How was he to answer something like that? They were so many things he couldn't tell her, and others he didn't even know the answer to.

When neither boy responded, Lily glanced at them both and continued, "It's just, I think he may have been hurt by it."

Remus looked down, and James sat quietly staring at her.

Finally, he spoke. "Well, Peter doesn't normally stay here for Christmas. In fact, I think the only reason he did this year was because his tutor was staying and he has a crush on her and thought he could improve his game, er, grades." He paused and locked eyes with Remus. "And we stayed for Remus because of his er, condition, and our, well, our, um, adjustments." 

James never had been good at wording.

Lily looked at Remus, his forefinger and thumb adding pressure to his eyes as he squinted, making some sort of decision in his head. Finally, he looked directly at her.

"Let's talk tomorrow, you and I." 

Lily nodded and watched him stand. He walked passed James, who gave him a reassuring clap on the back, and up the boys' staircase. 

Then James rose also. "So, tomorrow one of your questions will be answered."

Lily nodded again, still not really sure of what to say. She had waited so long to find out these mysteries of the Marauders, and now something would be clear. She was being let in on one of their biggest secrets.

James looked like he wanted to come closer to her, but he smiled softly and held his distance. "It's nice to see you."

Lily smiled and stood, making her way to the girls' staircase. Still slightly shocked that she was in this position. That she had made such breakthroughs with all of these boys. James who was no longer a prat trying to snog her, Remus who trusted her now, Sirius who might actually enjoy the company of a girl who wasn't flirting with him, and Peter who had opened up to her with out warning. Were these the same Marauders of a year ago? She saw them as no one else did, as they saw each other. She had been accepted.

James watched her but didn't approach, "Good night," he faltered, "Lily." Then he turned and walked up to his dorm.

Lily frowned despite herself. It had been so long since she'd gotten a 'good night' from James, she should have been happy. But instead, she found herself missing the way he'd used to call her love.  
The next day was extremely tough for Lily. Not that her classes had gotten any harder, just her life. Once again being seen with the Marauders in the hallway, laughing and joking, Lily noticed the 'looks' from her schoolmates.

Ignoring them came easily enough though, with the intense desire that was overwhelming her senses every time she laid eyes on him. He would walk into a room and their eyes would meet. Then he would shy away from her with out a word. Lily didn't want to push him, but honestly, if he didn't want this than he should have said something last night, instead of acting so weird. Finally, after passing the day quite anxiously, Lily decided to approach him. 

She walked up to him and his friends as soon as she entered the Great Hall for dinner. Standing directly behind him, she was sure he could feel her presence. He turned to face her and guilt filled her heart. She had been so curious all day, so annoyed that he wasn't explaining what she so wanted to know. But seeing that worried expression on his face... she didn't want to know if it was going to hurt him too much to tell it.

"If you don't want to--" she started.

"No, I want to."

Oh. Lily thought, closing her mouth, Then why has he been avoiding me all day?

"Remus, really, it's okay."

He shook his head, "No it's not. I'm sorry I avoided you all day. I just, well, not here."

He rose from the table and beckoned for her to follow him. She threw questioning glances at his friends, but they all looked away and focused on eating. This was Remus' secret, she reminded herself.

She followed him silently through the halls, up the stairs, and onto an obscure tower. She joined him as he leaned on the wall of the balcony and overlooked the lake.

"I know bringing you here seems... overly dramatic," he began, "But it's one of the only places I feel safe talking about this."

She nodded and watched him. He looked down at his hands and sighed. "So, my condition."

She let him pause, and watched the distress on his face turn to anger and then sadness.

"It's pretty serious. I mean, there are a lot of misconceptions about it. It can be pretty bad, but when it's not, er, acting up, it doesn't affect me. I mean who I am. I mean, yeah when it's, er, in affect, it changes my, um, behavior, but..."

He trailed off and Lily couldn't help but laugh. He smiled slightly and glanced over at her, "Why are you laughing? I'm spilling my guts here."

She smiled too, and replied, "You just reminded me of James, with all the 'ers' and whatnot."

Remus laughed, "Yeah, the git sure does struggle when he has something important to say."

"He struggles when he has nothing to say at all."

There was a silence and Lily felt the tone of their conversation drift back to its somber beginnings.

"I do have something important to say, though."

Again, Lily listened.

"I don't want you to be scared. I won't ever hurt you, or the boys, or anyone."

He paused and his eyes drifted from the lake to the Whomping Willow. He stood staring at it, and Lily took her eyes off him to do the same. To stare at this tree that she never gave a second thought to. A tree she thought of merely as a pest that stupid second years used to injure themselves when they trying to impress each other. But the way Remus was looking at it put it in a different perspective. He looked at it like it held his salvation and his imprisonment all at the same time.

Suddenly Remus let out a deep breath and a strangled sound of frustration. "This shouldn't be so hard to say. I mean I trust you and I want you to know. But I just never know how people will react."

Lily leaned into him so their shoulders were touching and put one of her hands on his arm. She still didn't know what to say, or if she could say anything at all. But she felt the warmth from his body and knew that he was gaining comfort from it, or at least warmth from the cold wind that was whipping around them.

He sighed again, "Lily, I--"

"Well isn't this a sight."

Lily groaned and turned around to face Severus Snape, while Remus remained facing forward.

"This is a private conversation, Severus," she stated calmly, attempting to hide her annoyance at the interruption.

"Oh, yes, it would be," Snape sneered, "Wouldn't want Potter to know about the two of you."

"This has nothing to do with James," Remus stated still facing away from Snape.

Snape's mouth twitched at the corners, and he eagerly continued like a dog that just caught wind of the rabbit he was chasing, "It isn't? It must be about you then? Eh, Lupin? A sensitive topic, I presume. What with the measures taken for privacy."

"Measures that apparently didn't work," Lily heard Remus mutter, or growl, rather.

Lily got the distinct sense that Snape actually knew what he was talking about for once and Remus' discomfort was apparent in his voice as he finally turned to face the Slytherin.

"Snape. Leave."

Lily watched as the two boys stared each other down. Why couldn't James be this calm when he was being provoked? The boys continued to stare at each other, until Snape seemed to decide the same thing Lily had: Remus was not going for the bait like the other boys would.

He turned to leave, but gave Lily one last comment accompanied by an angry, contemptful glare. "They're dangerous, Evans. The lot of them. They should all be expelled."

Lily turned back to Remus and noted he was shaking. His face was unreadable as he slid down the balcony wall onto the floor. Lily followed suite, sitting next to him quietly. He looked down, and didn't speak. Carefully, Lily reached out and took his hand in her own. At this gesture of friendship, Remus looked up at her. She smiled, and waited for a minute as he returned it.

"Snape's been trying to warn me a lot lately."

The boy didn't respond.

She tried again, "I guess he's got a grudge or something."

Remus snorted, "A grudge? That's a nice way of putting it."

There was another long silence, and Lily began to fidget. She waited a little longer for Remus to start the conversation back up. He seemed deep in thought, so she decided to rekindle their discussion herself.

"Sometimes I know why they really hate that git," she offered.

Remus came back from his thoughts and considered her words. He looked like he wanted to laugh but didn't, "Sometimes I know why he really hates them."

"Obviously," she started drawing him back into their conversation, "He knows something I don't."

He nodded, but did not supply any further information in exchange.

"Maybe it would be easier if I started to guess, eh?"

Remus looked at her doubtfully, but with gratitude that she was taking the pressure of him, at least for the moment.

"I think," Lily said adjusted her legs slightly, "Snape has something to do with the 'prank gone wrong' you told me about."

Remus nodded, and she continued. "And that your 'condition' and the boys' 'adjustments' have something to do with your nicknames."

He smiled, she was a clever girl.

"So now, Remmy," she gave him a cute little look, "All you have to do is tell me about your nickname."

"Moony?" he stated unnecessarily.

It was her turn to nod.

"Moony," he paused, " My name is Moony because..." he took a deep breath, "because... I'm--"

But again, he didn't get to finish his sentence. Just as he was about to say those fateful last words, Lily jumped up and put a hand over her mouth. He quickly stood to join her, confused at her shocked expression.

She removed her hand from her mouth and approached him, "I'm such a bloody moron!"

Remus was too confused to reply.

"I've just figured it out."

He understood, she was a clever girl.

As unexpectedly as she jumped up, she hugged him. Slightly taken back, it took a moment for him to respond, but before long he was hugging her back. After a few minutes she pulled away.

"I'm a werewolf," he said now with confidence, unafraid of her reaction because he had already seen her it.

She laughed and wiped a tear from her eye. "I know."

He didn't realize she had been crying. Was it from the cold wind? Probably not, he told himself. He smiled as she laughed again. "Why'd you have to go and figure it out? I was just about to tell you."

The solemn mood was gone once more and Lily hugged him again. "I know you were. I feel so stupid. I should have figured it out ages ago."

"I should hope not, I try pretty hard to keep it under wraps."

"Remus, I have a question."

He sighed, now it was time to tell her how out of control the whole situation had really gotten.

"Can we go in? I'm freezing."

Grinning, and incredibly relieved, he nodded. Lily decided it was best to take things slowly concerning the Marauders secrets. She'd find out the rest another time, Remus didn't look up to it today. On the way back to the common room, they discussed his condition in hushed tones. 

Lily began, trying to use as little keys words as possible, thankful Remus could answer her with out them.

"So the boys they--"

"Figured it out."

"And how long--"

"Since I was little."

"And that's why they--"

"Stayed with me for part of break."

"Is it hard?"

"Yeah." "

Do they help?"

"Yeah."

Lily smiled, "That's why you're such good friends with them, even though they're prats."

He laughed. "I don't think you've realized that I can be a prat too."

"But you're a behind the scenes prat."

"I guess you could say that."

There was a pause; Lily struggled to find the words she wanted to say. "Remus, I, well, um..."

"Yes James?" he joked.

She smiled, "For what it's worth, I'm sorry. And I don't think of you any differently."

"Good, I don't want your pity."

"Well you don't have, you simply have my understanding."

Remus stopped in front of the portrait hole. "Thank you." Two simple words, but Lily could feel the weight with which he said them. She hoped he felt the weight with which she said hers:

"You're welcome."

Lily fell back in with the Marauders quite easily after that. Though she continued her prefect duties and spent many afternoons in the library, she used her evenings and weekends to chat with the boys. They would talk and joke just like they used to, but now, not only did Lily feel like herself, she almost felt like one of them.

Although there was still something huge they weren't telling her, she had broken passed one barrier to the truth behind their mysteries. Her relationship with James was somewhat strained, though. Neither of them brought up their argument and James only studied with Lily occasionally, as opposed to the multitude of evenings they used to spend together. Lily wasn't sure when he was getting his work done, but she had a sneaking suspicion he was doing it on his own time as his grades continued to rise steadily.

As the weeks passed, he became less awkward around her and Lily felt their friendships strengthened with mutual excitement for the upcoming SuperSlam Invitational (which was to be held in March because Sirius thought March was a boring month). Now, at the beginning of February, Lily found herself walking down to yet another meal.

"Bugger it!" Kate, who was walking to dinner with Lily, cried. "I've left my extra credit report in my room."

Lily laughed, "I doubt you'll need it for dinner."

"I was going to go turn it in right after we ate."

Lily shrugged, "Turn it in later."

"No, I need to turn it in right at seven. Morrison'll hex me if I have it in late even after he's given me an extension." She sighed, "I'll just go get it from my room, hand it in, and grab something from the kitchen on my way back. You don't mind, yeah?"

The redhead waved her friend off and continued down to dinner. Luckily for her, she did not have to eat alone. A certain group of charming sixth year boys were sitting at the Gryffindor table when she arrived in the Great Hall.

Sliding into the vacant seat next to Sirius, Lily said hello to the Marauders. They each greeted her in turn and after she filled her plate, Lily turned her attention to their topic of conversation.

"No, I played my 'Sirius card,' " Sirius was saying to Remus, "That doesn't count, you have to tell us what she did with her tong--"

"Whoa!" Lily interrupted. "Can this be a conversation for later please?"

James laughed, "Yeah sure."

Remus grinned at Sirius, "It doesn't matter when we have this discussion, I'm still not going to tell you: I'm using my 'Lily card'."

"You can't do that!" Sirius exclaimed. "James he can't--"

" 'Remus card!' " James called placing what looked like a joker from a deck of muggle cards down on the table.

Before Peter could add anything to the conversation, Lily stopped them all. "What in the world are you lot on about?"

Sirius smiled, "Well, Lily, Remus was in the broom closet with--"

"No, I mean this 'card' business," Lily interrupted Sirius, somewhat reluctantly. Remus was starting to go pink and Lily was having trouble pushing her curiosity about who he was in the closet with away. She composed herself and let her confusion override her curiosity. "What specifically is a 'Lily card' and why is Remus going to use it?"

James, Sirius, and Remus grinned at her through mouthfuls of food, leaving Peter to answer.

"We've come up with a new game, er, system."

All four boys emptied their pockets, placing in front of them a pile of cards each.

"Whenever you have a card that applies to the situation, you can use it."

Remus then took over the explanations, "If you use a card, you hand it to the person you are using it on. Cards can be traded, as long as it's fair, and certain cards trump others."

"I don't get it, what cards?" Lily asked.

Sirius grinned, "We each designed our own set of cards, that mean different things."

It was James' turn, "My card, the 'James card,' " -- Lily scoffed at the originality of the name-"basically means: 'get your mind out of the gutter.'"

"Though, he usual uses it as 'stop talking about Lily that way,'" Sirius whispered.

Lily ignored him. "So, you have to abide by the cards that are pulled?"

The boys nodded, and Sirius spoke proudly, "But my card trumps the others."

"What are the others?" Lily asked.

"Well, we each picked the meanings ourselves," Sirius started, Lily noticing how proud he was of himself going through the explanations. "My card is basically 'you have to do it,' Peter's is 'shut up and leave me alone,' and Remus' card is 'it's not my problem, deal with it yourself.'"

Lily nodded slowly, taking it all in. She doubted Sirius could have been less eloquent if he had tried, but the gist of the cards' meanings was becoming clearer as she applied them to the conversation she had walked in on earlier. James used his 'Remus' to get out of the other two's argument, Sirius used himself to make Remus answer, and to avoid answering Remus had used his 'Lily.' Wait. His 'Lily'?

"What's a 'Lily' card?" she stared straight at Sirius, making him waver slightly under the pressure.

Peter glanced nervously at James, but again, Sirius answered. "It means you don't have to answer a question that somebody's asked you."

"Why?"

Remus sighed, "When someone has a girlfriend they can't very well go around answering every question their mates ask them, can they?"

"And whose girlfriend am I?" Lily crossed her arms.

There was an awkward silence, and Lily decided to let that particular battle go. 

"How come I didn't get to make up my own card? That's not fair."

Peter answered first, "We each made four of our own cards; one card for everyone. Except that we made only two 'Lilys' they're kind of like wilds. There aren't enough to go around." His eyes narrowed slightly at this last sentence, driving his point home. Lily held his gaze defiantly.

"Don't be silly, Wormy," Remus stated, "Tonight we'll each make one more of our own cards, and Lily can make a set of five 'Lily's Lily cards.' Then we'll redistribute them all and start again."

Lily grinned as Peter looked away, defeated by Remus' words. "So they can mean anything I want?" 

Sirius nodded, and they finished their meal in relative peace. Lily took the opportunity to study each of the boys' sets as they had been recollected for distribution the next day. She held the stack of cards in her hands and carefully flipped through them. Each set of four were designed similarly, completed with a picture of the person it represented and a description of what the card was used for. She laughed coming across Sirius' overconfident smiling portrait, and blushed slightly when James' winked at her. Then, Lily smiled, having decided what her card would be.

They separated after dinner, and the boys didn't see Lily at all that night. She had hurried up to her room, eager to start her own set. After some questioning from Kate about what she was doing (questions that Lily answered loudly, to make sure Olivia heard), Lily began her own set of cards. 

The next day, the boys were waiting expectantly at breakfast. 

"Where is she?" Sirius whined.

"Stop whining," Remus complained.

Peter was about to gripe about Remus' complaining when Lily walked into the Great Hall laughing with Kate. The two girls approached the boys and seated themselves at the Gryffindor table a few seats away. Lily excused herself and went down to the boys after a minute.

"Here," she said, handing them each a card with her picture on it.

As she began collecting a card form each of them, James read her card aloud. "Lily's Lily Card. To be used as a means of power, in essence, an ultimate trump card."

Sirius nearly choked on his pumpkin juice.

"But," Peter began, "I thought Sirius' card was the trump."

"I'm not finished," James said eying the other boys warily, "'There's more. 'With this card, you may always get your way, and a free smack of whoever you use it against."

"Smack?" Remus asked skeptically.

Lily nodded and grinned. "You said I could make my card anything I wanted."

"We did say that," Peter stated, looking at Sirius, who was glaring at Lily.

"You can't do that," he said finally. "It's not fair. The Marauders aren't trumped by a girl."

Lily rolled her eyes, but smiled, "I figured you'd think that. So I made a loophole."

All four sets of eyes were on her now. Oh, how the Marauders enjoyed loopholes!

"My card trumps each one of your cards individually, but a full Marauder set trumps it. And a Marauder Set can be used as any of the cards it contains."

The boys thought, glanced at each other, and smiled.

"Excellent!" James stated, "Let the games begin!"

Lily took that as her cue that business was done, and she went back to her seat to enjoy her breakfast with Kate. Through out the rest of the day, Lily found quite quickly that the boys were heavily obsessed when they invented a new game. At first she had imagined that she would have her set of cards for a while, but she soon realized the intensity with which they exchanged hands.

On her way to Care of Magical creatures, Sirius caught up with her half way across the grounds.

"Oy, Lily," he called running up to her. He handed her one of his own cards. "So, you and James--"

But he didn't finish that sentence as a Lily's Lily card was handed to him before he could, and a firm smack was delivered to his arm. Sirius just grinned, One down.

Sirius, it seemed, was determined to collect all of the Lily's Lily cards as assurance that he could begin a line of questioning where no one could stand against him. Lily had a pretty good idea of what this questioning was, and she was determined to be elsewhere when it was begun.

Upon leaving Care of Magical Creatures, Lily was harassed into shoving her Peter card at James, while Remus handed his own card to Peter.

After a brief argument over whether Remus would tie James' shoe, James' Sirius was Remus', and Peter was handed Lily's James for making a lewd comment while Remus was on his knees. 

By lunch, Lily had a Lily card, three Sirius' and a recently acquired James, which she felt was unwarranted, as she hadn't been talking about the newt eyes that way. Peter, on the other hand, had three highly warranted James', and a full set of Remus'. Lily sat at the table attempting to determine what cards the other boys had. She knew for a fact that Sirius had managed to finagle Remus' Lily's Lily, and Peter's as well, but had he managed James'? Did he have the full set? Lily watched James carefully, sizing him up. Was he a match for his best friend? Did he know what Sirius had planned? As if reading her thoughts, James looked up at her and winked, just as his card had done the other day. Lily hurriedly looked away, but she was slightly reassured, even though James could have been winking for any number of reasons. 

The rest of the week progressed much in this manner. Cards traded hands like their lives depended on it. Lily thought it odd at first, how addicted the boys had become, but when she tired of a first year's annoying questions during one study session, Lily caught herself almost handing the poor girl a Remus. Sirius spent his week trying to trick James out of his Lily's Lily, obviously set on having them all before he began whatever it was he was going to begin. Eventually though, James was broken.

It was Sunday afternoon when Sirius came bounding up to Lily in the common room. She was sitting in an armchair, attempting to memorize a star chart, but watching the other students who populated the room.

Lily looked up when one of her own cards fluttered into her lap, along with a Sirius card. Standing above her was Sirius himself, grinning like a maniac. "This is the first of four Lily's Lily cards I have in my possession," he stated. "I chose to give it to you without warranted use to prove to you that resistance is non existent."

Lily let her chart fall to the floor, "I assume if I answer your questions, you won't deliver any of the smacks you are allowed to deliver?" Sirius nodded. "Very well, what do you want?"

Sirius grinned at her promptness and sat down next to her. "This card combination, I'm sure you'll note, makes it so you have to answer my question because I get my way no matter what."

Lily nodded. 

"Are you a virgin?"

Lily nearly laughed, "Yes. I can't believe you wasted a card on that question!"

Sirius shrugged, "You never know. Besides," he took out his next card reminding Lily that any card she tried to hand him would be a waste. Lily handed him a James before he could get to his next question, nevertheless. It was the only way she could take the cards from Sirius. If she put up no resistance he would just keep his cards without having to give them over. The exchange done, Lily now had two of her own cards, and a Sirius, but she still had to answer his question as she did not want to use one of her own cards against him. If she used them against him, he would continue to possess them and this would never end.

He looked at her sideways, sizing her up, "Do you want to be?"

Lily cocked her head, confused, "Excuse me?"

"Do you want to be a virgin?" he clarified simply.

Lily paused, contemplating not just his question, but also her answer. She'd never really thought about that before. She'd just taken it as a fact that she was and she would remain so. But until when? Sirius wasn't asking her in a teasing way, he truly wanted to know. He was serious about this question, it wasn't a joke and she was at a loss for what to say. Her mind was racing, what other questions is he going to ask? Lily panicked. How would she ever get out of this? 

Suddenly, Sirius stood up. As if sensing her uneasiness at the intensity and sincerity of his question he said, "You have to answer me, but not now. Think about it." And with that he left. 

Lily stared after him. Who was that and what did he do with Sirius?


	8. Chapter 7ish

In the Cards...

"James, if you don't take your eyes off of my mashed potatoes I'm going to stab you in the eye with my fork."

Sirius, Peter, and Remus were all amused by the scene in front of them, though it was Sirius who voiced all of their thoughts, "Who would have thought they would both be obsessed with mashed potatoes."

"Not just any mashed potatoes--" James began.

"Hogwarts mashed potatoes," Lily finished. "James, I will not hesitate to stab you and I will not warn you again!"

It was the first week of March and they had been going at it for fifteen minutes. A month a go, James would have given anything for a Lily's Lily card to force the redhead into giving him some potatoes, but the Marauder's obsession with the 'Card Game' had dwindled as their carelessness had led them to lose the playing cards. Lily was surprised that the whole phenomenon had disappeared so quickly, but it still resurfaced occasionally. Instead of saying "Leave me alone" she still used the phrase "Peter card." So the game had survived slightly, less in the form of a physical game, than in the form of phrases and meanings that only the group could understand. Sirius and Lily had come to an agreement. Neither was trying to steal or change James, they both just cared about him, and in the meantime, they could get along and be friends without jealousy and anger. Still, Lily had not answered Sirius' question from that fateful February afternoon, but she knew and somehow so did he, that when she had an answer she would. 

Now though, James was finding no way with which to convince Lily to give up her mashed potatoes. The mashed potato-serving bowl refused to refill itself and Lily had a heaping mound of potatoes mashed to buttery perfection steaming on her plate. Peter concluded it was because James had unwittingly made fun of his butter knife, which appeared to be friends with the mashed potato-serving bowl, and this uncalled for offense was the reason the magically refilling bowl was 'broken.' The others disagreed with this theory, but either way the bowl would not refill. Now James watched longingly as Lily piled scoops of the delicious potatoes onto her fork.

"Maybe you should just apologize to the butter knife," Peter suggested, looking at the anguish on James' face.

"Apolo-what?" James sputtered. 

"That is ridiculous, bowls and knifes have no feelings," Sirius added.

"Maybe its just busted," Remus pondered lifting up the bowl to examine it more closely.

"These really are good potatoes."

James turned to glare at Lily. She smiled at him sweetly.

"Such a shame you didn't get any."

Before James could reply, Sirius and Remus decided it was time to put an end to the Great Mashed Potato Debacle.

"I'm done," Remus stated.

"Right well, let's go upstairs," Sirius attempted.

"I've got to go to the library," Lily said as she finished the last steaming bite of mashed potatoes, "See you boys later." She grinned at them as she left.

James watched her go muttering to himself, "Oh you'll pay for this, Evans, you will pay."

"Prongs, how 'bout we calm down?" Peter tried.

The four boys stood and meandered back to their tower, but James' mood did not improve. The other three tried desperately to get James out of his funk, bringing up all sorts of things to make him feel better.

Remus tried his luck yet again, "Want to practice for the SuperSlam Invitational? It's this Friday."

James glared at him and didn't reply.

Remus shrugged at Sirius, signifying that he had given up. Sirius sighed; it was his turn.

"Oy, Prongs."

James looked up.

"Moony shagged Lily."

All four boys halted. James turned on Remus, "What?!"

"No I didn't!" 

Sirius grinned and continued talking to James, "Yeah he did. On your birthday!"

Remus looked frightenedly at James, and menacingly at Sirius. He looked back to James to see his friend smiling in his usual carefree attitude, relaxing into Sirius' joke.

"Bloody hell," Remus let out in a sigh.

"That was low, Padfoot," James said jumping at his friend, attempting a headlock.

Sirius dodged, "It got your mind off those potatoes, didn't it? Things can always be worse."

Peter grinned, "How upbeat."

Remus and James had teamed up now, attacking Sirius from different angles. It was becoming a full-fledged wrestling match, that is until Professor McGonagall came waltzing down that particular hallway.

Remus straightened up at her approach and let go of Sirius' ankle, "Potter! Black! That'll be five points each for, er, monkey business in the hallway! Don't let me catch you at it again!" 

"Moony are you daft?" Sirius asked as his view of their professor was blocked by James.

"I think that's quite fair actually," James said jabbing Sirius in the ribs, "Thank you for showing us the wrong in our ways."

Sirius caught on finally as James moved to help him up and he saw McGonagall staring at them. "Hello Minerva!" he greeted.

She said nothing to any of them but a flicker of a smile passed across her features as she continued down the hallway.

Peter began to laugh first. "I thought Moony had gone respectable prefect on us!"

They others joined him. "It's a good thing she didn't see you dive at his feet!" James commented.

Sirius agreed, "If you weren't a prefect I don't know how we'd get away with it all."

"Or how we'd get into the prefect showers," Peter added. "I wish you hadn't had to take off points though.

Remus grinned, "Well, Wormy, I'm very impressed with the way you stayed out of the fight and held your ground against breaking school rules. I award you ten points for your noble actions against peer pressure."

A laugh sounded from the direction McGonagall had just come. They looked up to see Lily walking towards them. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you boys were cheating the system."

They grinned as she approached, and continued their walk back to the common room with her.

"So," Lily began, "Plans for the evening?"

"I need help with my charms essay," James stated. Sirius snorted, but didn't say anything.

Lily looked between the boys, but ignored them, "Okay. Remus what about you?"

"I think Sirius, Peter, and I were planning on practicing for the Invitational. Right guys?"

The other two nodded, hiding grins. Sirius muttering, "Practice, practice, practice."

"I guess it's just you and me tonight," James said shrugging in a nonchalant manner, unfazed by the other's obvious intentions.

"Yeah, I guess so," Lily replied, not failing to notice the antics of the boys.

As they entered the common room, three of the boys went up to the their dorm, while Lily and James settled down at a table by the windows. 

Lily laughed to herself as they began working. James looked up at her, "What?"

She shook her head, "James Potter, Mr. Studious."

He smiled as well, "Our arrangement does mandate that I become your study buddy."

"Our arrangement? We haven't been worried about that in months."

"Doesn't mean I haven't been abiding to it."

Lily caught his eyes, "Meaning?"

He leaned in closer, as if telling her some great secret, "What would you say, if I told you that I apply myself to my school work even when you aren't around?"

She grinned, "I'd say you were lying."

"Well, Miss Evans, you would be wrong," he leaned back in his chair. "Just ask Sirius, he hates it."

Lily laughed, "And how's that going for you?"

"Sirius hating me?" She gave him a pointed look, and he stopped joking and sighed. "I never would have thought it, but it seems that if you put in a little effort, your grades go up."

"Yeah, what a crazy idea," Lily mocked.

"You know what I mean," he ran his hand through his hair, leaning back in his chair. "I thought it wouldn't make a difference if I wasted my time studying, but I guess I have a lot more potential than I thought."

Lily laughed, "You just needed someone wise to point it out to you."

They were quiet for a while more, each one sinking slowly back into their work. The only conversation they had punctuated the silence with questions about their classes. Soon their work was done, and they bid each other good night before heading off to bed, neither in the mood to stay up and chat.

The next morning at breakfast, Lily decided to sit with Kate instead of the boys. She couldn't help notice however, when James got up and left the hall in an angry rush. For a minute she wondered if she should go after him, but decided against it, as the other Marauders had stayed put. He must need to be alone. 

Walking with Kate to their first class, Lily tried to catch Sirius' eye. He shook his head at her, but Remus mouthed "Later" and Lily had to be content with that as class was starting. James didn't show up for their first class. But during their second lesson, he returned and carried out the rest of the day like normal. Except, Lily noticed, that he barely said two words the whole day.

There was no opportunity during the class day for Lily to approach James, or the others, and Lily had a prefect meeting after school, but as she was heading down to dinner she became determined to find out what was wrong.

She entered the Great Hall and found Sirius, Remus and Peter sitting alone. Taking a seat next to Peter, she squealed excitedly, momentarily forgetting her mission. "Mashed potatoes two days in a row!"

Remus looked at her like she was slightly nutty, and she regained her composure. "What happened this morning?"

None of the boys answered at first, as if they were trying to decide whether it was their place to say. Finally Sirius spoke up, "James got an owl from his dad."

"Oh. They still haven't talked?"

Remus shook his head, "Not since summer, really."

Sirius continued, "Over Christmas they were civil, but it was strained and put on, mostly for his mum."

Lily nodded, absentmindedly. 

Remus spoke next. "He won't talk to us yet. Maybe, maybe you could try."

Lily continued to nod, formed a plan of attack, and stood. "He'll be on the pitch." She heard Sirius call after her, and she was sure she heard Remus mutter, "Do you think her plan'll work?"

Sure enough, James was soaring around the pitch. She made her way up to the first set of bleachers and watched him, waiting for him to catch sight of her. She didn't have to wait long. He steadied his broom and stared at her, weighing his options.

"So that's your plan?" he asked.

"This?" she motioned to the bowl of mashed potatoes she had brought out with her.

He nodded, "Your plan to coerce me off my broom into conversation?"

She shook her head, 'No these are for me. In case I get cold waiting for you to be less stubborn and simply come down and talk to me."

He grunted a laugh and eased his broom over to her, sliding gracefully onto the bench beside her. She smiled and offered the bowl to him. Despite himself he smiled back, dipping the fork into the bowl and scooping the mashed potatoes into his mouth. He handed the fork back to her and she did the same. They sat in silence for a while, enjoying the food. When the bowl was empty, James placed it on the bench behind them and looked down at his feet. Lily took this as her cue to begin.

"Sirius said I could find you out here. He must have looked at the map or something."

James smiled and shook his head, "I've got the map; Sirius just knows me too well."

Lily nodded, waiting for him to speak.

"So they told you a got an owl from my dad, did they?"

She nodded again, afraid of saying something that would drive him back to silence and curios about what it was he had to say.

"It seems, he's even less proud of me than I thought."

He paused and glanced sideways at her, before standing to lean on the railing. Lily wrapped her cloak tighter around herself. Why was she always having important conversations out in the cold, anyway? Couldn't people be open in the warm common room? But her thoughts left her discomfort as James began to imitate his father. He deepened his tone, to get more in character and Lily was reminded of the afternoon he had spent in the common room reading to her.

" 'Do you think quidditch captain means anything in this world, James? Do you think there's any respect in that. You should be a prefect or head boy, but there's no hope of that now with the way you apply yourself. I've been too easy on you, boy, I should have taught you there was more to the world than silly games.' "

James paused and gripped the railing in front of him. "Since when recently does he care about teaching me anything?"

Lily stood and leaned against the railing with him.

"Since when was he ever around when I needed him, after age ten? We got along perfectly. I never complained when he was at work instead of at my games, I learned to get on with out him. But it wasn't always like that. He was so proud when I became quidditch captain; he was on my side when my mum got on my back about schoolwork. And now, now he's changed. All because of something I didn't do."

Lily waited for further explanation, but none came. They were silent for a minute, two, but James spoke up suddenly, "How did you know?"

Lily looked up at him, "Know what?"

"That I had potential."

She shrugged, "I don't know, I just did."

"My own father can't see any potential in me."

Lily sighed, "Maybe the problem is he sees all your potential but he doesn't see you using it."

"I'm raising my grades aren't I?" 

"Yeah, but your father doesn't see the effort you've put into it, he doesn't see that you're trying. All he sees are the owls from McGonagall telling him you've destroyed a couple of desks or cauldrons while goofing off in class."

James didn't answer her, and she wondered if he'd even heard. When he did speak, it was not a response to her comment.

"He didn't believe me. My father, who taught me how to play quidditch, didn't believe me. And then he started getting on my back about what I was doing with my life. He never had a problem with it before."

He sat back down on the bench and Lily stood in front of him, watching as he ran his hand through his hair in frustration.

"You know all those years I was a prat?" 

She nodded and smiled slightly.

"He was proud of me. And now that I'm a decent bloke, he thinks I'm wasting my life."

James looked at her, and her breath hitched with the intensity of his stare. "It's like he's never even seen me. He only sees what he wants to see. And now, he sees me as worse. Even you think I'm better, but my own father--"

She interrupted him, "It's not about better or worse."

He shook his head, "It is in my family."

"Maybe you'll make prefect next year," he threw her a doubtful look, "and then he'll see."

James continued to stare at her, his expression showing quite clearly how unlikely he thought that was.

"It doesn't matter that when he sees you, James, just that one day he will."

James continued to look skeptical, but nodded anyhow. He was unhappy, and lost in his own thoughts. Deciding she had nothing else to say to him, Lily turned to leave. She walked passed him laying a hand on her shoulder as she did so. He didn't look up and she left the bleachers heading towards the castle. Sirius was waiting for her half way across the grounds.

"Tag me in," he smiled.

She returned it, "Good luck." Lily was fairly convinced it was hopeless. James would stay in this mood until he brought himself through it, what could anyone do?

When she reached the castle, Lily turned to look over at the boys. They had begun a path winding towards the castle as well. As she watched Sirius throw a lazy arm over James' shoulder. James smiled and pushed him off. They stopped walking as they reached the lake and both stood staring out at it. Sirius said something, and James nodded, but other than that they stood in perfect silence, taking comfort in the other's presence. Suddenly, to Lily's amazement, James grinned. The boys began talking like normal. There was no tension in their interactions; James' anger was some how forgotten.

Lily sighed, and went into the castle. There were just some things she would never understand. Sirius had done what she couldn't for James, with fewer words and no mashed potatoes.


	9. Chapter 8ish

In the Cards...

"What did you say to him?"

The boy turned, halfway up the stairs. He looked her over, never one to be startled by an unexpected voice in a lonely corridor. Taking his foot down from the highest step, he crossed his arms and leaned against the uneven stonewall. He didn't answer.

"I mean, what is it he needed to hear?" she tried again.

Sirius smiled, but not the warm friendly smile she was now accustomed to. He smiled an older, meaner smile that reminded her of the resentment he used to express towards her. "Are you jealous, Lily?"

She shuddered, pushing the memory back, deep within herself. She stared at herself in the mirror determined to control her thoughts. Being plagued by anxiousness was something Lily was used to, but right now she had to get ready. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and focused on the task at hand. In true girl fashion, Lily bent forward and flipped her hair over her head so as to put it into a nice solid ponytail. Righting herself, she looked into the mirror, examining her work. Don't worry, she commanded her reflection. She put three bobby pins in her mouth and holding one in her hand, she began securing fly-aways. It's alright, she repeated. Everything is fine.

Having finished her self-preparations, Lily left the girls' dorm and made her way down to breakfast. She had intended on getting a good meal to start her day, but she had some trouble getting down her toast. On top of the sickness she felt every time the conversation with Sirius popped into her head, she was nervous about the day's events. You see, today was no ordinary day in March; today was the Friday of the Extreme Quidditch Invitational Olympics Championship.

Finally, Lily managed to accomplish some sort of food intake and went back to the common room. This Friday was Merlin's Birthday, and as such there was no school. Because of the three-day weekend, many students had opted to go home. And most of the teachers would be busy with preparations for the honorary assembly that was to take place before dinner that evening. The date of the Invitational had been chosen based on these facts.

Lily entered the common room with little event. James, Remus and Peter were some of the remaining students lingering in there on their morning off, though the three were not sitting together. After Sirius had been put in charge of the event, he proclaimed himself "Supreme Grand Master Chancellor" and decreed that participants were to have no relations prior to the competition. Also, to increase the formality of the occasion, last names only were to be used in addressing each other. The boys thought that the Grand Master Chancellor was being a Grand Master Jackass with all these formalities, but Lily took solace in the fact that she would not have to face Sirius until the game was starting. Not to mention the fact that if he called her Evans no one would think it was because he hated her, which she knew was now the case. 

"Are you jealous, Lily?"

The memory came to her in a flash, but at once she beat it away. Too nervous to sit, Lily stood by the window gazing out onto the grounds. She felt someone's eyes watching her. Assuming it was James she turned to smile at him, but he was engaged in a book. Glancing around, her eyes locked with Remus' for an instant before he looked away awkwardly. Lily went back to looking out the window, but soon the clock struck ten.

James jumped up at once. "It's time!" he exclaimed. Clapping Remus on the back, he raced Peter up the stairs to the boy's room. Lily went to follow, but Remus stopped her. 

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she replied moving to the side to go past him. 

He blocked her way, "Something's been off lately."

Lily bit her cheek, and looked him in the eye, "We aren't supposed to talk before the tournament, Lupin." 

Remus stepped aside rigidly and they proceeded up the staircase in a silent tension to which neither was accustomed. They walked into the room and approached the others. Sirius was nowhere in sight and the room looked completely normal. 

"I thought he said he had to make preparations," Peter complained quietly. But before anyone could respond Sirius popped out from behind the door closing it with a slam and locking it swiftly. Lily jumped with surprise.

"Welcome!" he shouted grinning. His arms wide he waited for a response.

There was scattered applause, so Sirius continued.

"To the first annual, bi-weekly, Extreme Quidditch Invitational Olympics Championship, ever!"

"Bi-weekly?" Remus questioned, Sirius ignored him. Lily and Remus exchanged looks and laughed, tension gone.

As soon as the doors were opened, everyone -even Lily- transitioned into a particularly fun loving, happy go lucky, giggle at anything mood. The various invited participants were waiting patiently with nervous anticipation for Sirius to get through his opening speech so the game could begin

"Gathered here today, are the best of the best," Sirius was saying. "The cream of the crop. The crop of the cream." He paused to let his words sink in. "In precisely two minutes, we shall begin the opening ceremony."

"Why can't we begin now, Padfoot?" Remus asked.

Sirius glared at him, "You will refer to me as Black, Lupin. Or Sir Supreme Grand Master Chancellor of Ceremony, if you so desire." Remus rolled his eyes and Sirius took that as a sign of his acceptance. "First, we must do the introductions." He then proceeded to place garlands around each of their necks announcing their names. Lily couldn't help but notice her's was done slightly less ceremoniously than the others when Sirius "accidentally" dropped her garland and had her pick it up and put it on herself. She did not mind; the last time she had been this close to him he was so angry she feared his proximity.

"Are you jealous, Lily?"

Immediately she was on the defensive. The old nastiness in his voice hurt her and without thinking she spat, "Why would I be jealous of an arrogant prick from a family like yours?"

Surprised by her own cruelty, Lily looked away ashamed. But Sirius did not take the action as surrender. Riled by her words, he whistled.

"So that's what you think of me? James' dear sweet Lily, harboring a secret prejudice... finally revealing the truth."

She didn't respond; she couldn't.

His voice rose to a yell as he shouted, "How dare you judge me on my background?!"

Lily shivered. Stop thinking about it, she commanded herself. She took a deep breath and, feeling more composed, she looked around. The others were watching Sirius fiddle with some sort of phonographic contraption. 

"What is that for?" James questioned.

"This wouldn't be a legitimate contest if we didn't sing the national anthem," Sirius responded. Even though they were wizards (and witch), they were still English. As the music started they all chorused along to a rousing rendition of "God Save the Queen" ending in a quite lovely bravado by Remus.

"Excellent!" Sirius exclaimed, "Will the contestants please take your game places."

As they mounted their brooms and stood poised, Sirius swished his wand transforming the whole room into a sea of gold and red streamers with little confetti lions swirling about the air. Though pretty, Lily was concerned, albeit excited, to see what this poor visibility would do to the game. But she could not ponder a new game plan for long because Sirius blew a whistle, mounted his broom, and released the bludgers. The game had begun.

There was a whir of action as people mixed with decorations and balls of different dispositions in the air. Through the frenzy, Lily was able to collect herself enough to obtain ammo in the form of a quaffle. The others had already engaged and it did not take Lily long to find a target. Smack! James turned to see who had hit him, but Lily was all ready gone. At first the game progressed smoothly, she took a few hits but made plenty more. That is, until Sirius got serious. It was as if she was his only target. He tailed her constantly; she could scarcely avoid a bludger without being pounded on the back by one of his quaffles. Though her skill was greatly improved since her first game, there was not much anyone could have done under such constant heavy fire.

At first she panicked, but then fury rang through her. This was just a game. Even if he was angry, this was not the stage for the aggressions he wished to bestow on her. As Lily's frustration grew her control dwindled. She swerved dangerously around the room without thinking. Suddenly, with a lurch she was thrown from her broom. She was no longer able to keep the memory tugging for attention in her mind at bay. It washed over her like a wave of torment that she was helpless against as she fell towards the floor.

After shouting, he just stood there, fuming, watching her.

"I'm sor-"

He cut off her apology. "Save it. You don't know anything about me," spurred on by his anger he ventured further, smirking. "Or James."

The comment, aimed well, hit its mark. The strength of the hurt confused Lily. She couldn't understand why the remark stung so. Why had she said such a terrible thing to a friend? Why was she so upset that it wasn't her who helped James.

"You're being a jealous bitch, Evans. You're everything I always thought you were. It's times like these I don't understand what he sees in you. You're beneath him. Miss High and Mighty. A self righteous prude who treats him like--" 

"Stop it!" she yelled, tears threatening overflow her eyelids.

"Hit a nerve did I? I guess we're even." 

He left her there, holding the wall to support her weakened knees.

Upon landing she looked up to see Remus leaping back into the air on her mount. Unfortunately, she did not have the good fortune to land on something soft. She banged her left side on the hardwood floor, scarping her knee and elbow while skidding to a stop. Fresh tears stung her eyes from her fall, the recollection of Sirius' harsh words, and the frustration from his recent actions. The combination was almost too much for her, but she was forced to regain her composure as the boys were settling down their brooms.

James approached her, but there was no time for him to speak as there was a knock at the door. Remus looked startled, James confused. Peter looked around pointing at them each in turn and counting on his fingers, as if to determine who was absent that could be knocking. Lily could not bring herself to look for Sirius' reaction. The knock came again, this time louder and with a voice.

"James? Boys? I know you're there. Open this door at once."

It was a man. Lily thought he sounded slightly familiar, but could not place it. He was stern and sounded very formal. While Lily was sitting puzzled on the floor, the boys panicked.

"Bloody bloody fuck fuck!" Sirius whispered loudly, running over to the others.

"Hide the stuff!" Remus motioned to Peter, as they both sprung into action.

But James stood still, staring at the door. 

The man at the door spoke again, this time sounding more agitated. "I heard you making noise, being quiet won't make me go away. Open up!"

Sirius was helping Remus and Peter push "the evidence" into that mysterious closet of theirs, but managed to part the mists in Lily's mind by yelling over his shoulder, "Just a minute, Mr. Potter!"

Mr. Potter! Lily's mind reeled. James' dad! 

Sirius' affirmation that it truly was his father outside seemed to un-stun James. "Sorry, Dad, there's some, er, stuff blocking the door." James called.

Lily heard his father scoff disapprovingly, just as Sirius gave the thumbs up signaling they were all clear. James unlocked the door and began to pull it open when Remus spotted Lily. His alarm evident on his face, all he could do was turn to Sirius and point at her. If anyone caught her in the boy's dorm Lily was in severe trouble. Utilizing his old quidditch instincts, Sirius sprung over two beds grabbing James' invisibility cloak and tossing it over Lily's head just as James opened the door.

Through the cloak Lily saw James' father enter the room. He was a tall man, the same athletic build as his son. He was dressed well and he held his head high. He nodded to Peter and Remus and shook hands with Sirius, all the while with his back to James who remained at the door. Slowly, Lily backed into the corner of the room, careful not to reveal herself. Sirius led Mr. Potter back to the middle of the room.

"So boys, too busy being slackers to clean up a bit?" He slight smile crossed his lips, signifying that he was joking. Only Peter laughed. Mr. Potter seemed to falter momentarily. "Would you boys mind leaving me and James alone for a while. There are some things we need to discuss."

The three boys asserted their compliance and moved towards the door, Sirius glanced in Lily's direction but said nothing. As soon as they were gone James spoke up.

"What are you doing here, Dad?"

Mr. Potter did not appear to have heard. He looked around the room and took a seat on the edge of one of the beds. 

"Did you get my owl?" he asked.

James crossed his arms and nodded.

"You didn't respond."

"There wasn't much for me to say," James replied with a snort.

His father sighed, "Well Dumbledore asked me to come and help with some of the assembly arrangements, so I thought I'd stop by and say hello."

"You couldn't have put that in your letter?"

"I didn't think it would matter if I popped in on you." 

Both comments were curt and sharp.

James looked at his father, "What is this really about, Dad?"

Again, Mr. Potter avoided the question. "Your mother was worried when you decided not to come home for the weekend. She wanted me to find out if you had a girlfriend."

James said nothing.

"I was hoping you did, myself," his father continued, "To take your mind off of boyish diversions with your friends."

"Dad," James warned.

Mr. Potter looked at his son and stood. "I guess I'll stop trying with the pleasantries and get on with it."

"I think that would be best."

"James, I thought coming here today would be a good opportunity to discuss the matter of next year with Albus... and you, of course." He added quickly.

James looked confused, "What's the matter with next year?"

"Your mother and I thought it might be a good idea for you to transfer to Durmstrang for your seventh year."

Lily's heart sank into her stomach. James could be leaving? What would Hogwarts be with out him? What would she be without him? The thought shot through her like an arrow. She may have pushed him away, but now she knew that she had always intended to pull him back. However, now she might never have the chance.

James had taken the blow just as hard. "You've got to be kidding me," he accused his father, "Why would you take me out of Hogwarts?"

Mr. Potter approached his son, placing a hand on a shoulder foreign to his touch. "We think their structure and discipline would be a good influence on you."

"This is bollocks," James shook off his father's hand. "I won't go."

"How will you pay the Hogwarts tuition without me, James? You'll do what we think is best for you."

"How can someone who barely knows me decide what's best for me?" 

James and his father stared at each other. Finally, Mr. Potter spoke.

"You're right, I don't know you. You almost killed another student, how could you be my boy?"

It was then that James began laughing. "You'll never believe me, will you? I didn't have anything to do with the prank, Dad! Why can't you see that?"

"We'll never get past this, will we? I didn't think you were capable of such irresponsibility, but the evidence stands."

James turned on his father, "What evidence! You won't believe what I'm telling you, what Sirius and Dumbledore told you."

It was Mr. Potter's turn to laugh, "Sirius has every reason in the world to cover for you. And Albus? He adores you, he doesn't even agree with my decision to transfer you."

"At least someone's on my side," James muttered.

"Don't you see James? You're too old to have someone on your side, protecting you from the serious repercussions of your mistakes."

"My mistakes?" James was outraged. "Oh, I've come to terms with my mistakes. What about your mistakes?"

"James," his father's voice warned him not to step too much further. "I'm trying to help you grow up."

"I all ready am grown up."

Mr. Potter laughed, "I'm sure you think you are, but I'm trying to teach you the harsh truths of life."

"I learned about the 'harsh truths of life' the day my own father shut me out."

"That's enough, James. I've heard enough about you 'innocence.' I refuse to hear it again. Give it up; I am your father and these are my decisions." His father walked to the door and paused, "I'll be here until late afternoon, early evening. I'll try to stop by so we can talk more."

"Brilliant," James replied sarcastically.

Mr. Potter looked as though he wanted to say more, but he left, closing the door sharply.

Fuming, James took a lap around the room. When that didn't help, he kicked the wall several times in frustration. Panting, he put both of his hands flat against the surface, leaning his forehead down in defeat. Still facing the wall, he called, "You can leave now, Lily."

Startled by his address of her, Lily finally realized what a personal moment she had just witnessed. Barely making a sound, she removed the invisibility cloak, placed it on his bed and left. She was in shock.

As soon as she reached the common room, the other three boys pounced on her.

"What happened?" Sirius demanded.

Lily could hardly control her racing thoughts, "Um, he-he's leaving." They just stared at her, so she gathered herself and clarified. "Mr. Potter wants to transfer James to Durmstrang. He's leaving."

Lily felt her eyes filling with tears. James would be gone. He's leaving, she said to herself. The others took the news fairly similarly. Remus leaned into a sitting position on a tabletop near them, Peter looked from him to Sirius not knowing what to do, and Sirius stared at Lily. 

"He won't actual go, though," Remus said to no one in particular. He was imagining the dynamic of their group without James. He didn't want the job of keeping Sirius in check, and frankly he didn't think any one but James was up to the task.

Sirius looked at Lily, "Did Mr. Potter say if I was going, too?"

Lily shook her head, "I think the idea is to get him away from you... I mean all of you." She motioned to the others. "To instill some structure in his life."

Sirius stood silent, thinking for a minute. Then he turned and began to make his way up the staircase. Remus got up to follow, and Peter took that as his cue to go as well. Upon passing her, Remus put a consoling hand on her shoulder. She smiled meekly as she watched them go. 

Once they had disappeared, Lily had to get out of the common room. Her mind was reeling, her heart pounding. She had to shift through everything she had just seen. Determined to find a quiet spot where she could sort out all of the various emotions she was feeling, Lily left the common room and began walking.

As soon as she was on the move, she felt better. Rather than finding a place to be still, Lily decided it was best to keep moving. The movement in her limbs seemed to even out the movement of her thoughts in her mind, making her feel more stable. She set to the task of discovering what it was she was really feeling.

What would it mean if James were gone? Lily shook this thought away; it was a little too complicated to start with. Would she be this upset if it were one of the other boys transferring? No, Lily concluded. She was only reacting this way because it was James. Going through a few more questions, Lily kept returning to the first one. The one she was not ready to answer. Deep in thought, Lily didn't see where she was going. 

There was a clatter as scrolls dropped to the floor around them.

"Oh, professor, I'm so sorry!" Lily exclaimed, bending to help the man gather his papers.

"It's no problem, Miss Evans," Dumbledore's eyes smiled at her, "I've been known to be lost in thought before sometimes, myself." He looked at her troubled face and said knowingly, "Is there anything in particular you'd like get off your mind?"

Lily stared at him. Of course Dumbledore knew. But just as she opened her mouth to speak, two more people came walking around the corner. 

"Albus! There you are," Mr. Potter said.

To his right Olivia glared at Lily, "Professor, I was just helping Mr. Potter find his way." Lily gathered that this was more for her benefit than anyone else's. As Mr. Potter helped the Head Master right his things, Lily stood and Olivia sidled up next to her.

"My family and the Potter's are very close. I've known James' parents since I was a kid."

It was Lily's turn to glare, "How fabulous for you."

"Isn't it lucky I ran into him? You know, he and James are really close, but James has been busy lately so he needed someone to fill him in on James' life. Naturally, he asked me," she flipped her hair over her shoulder, smiling. 

Before Lily could answer, Mr. Potter spotted her. "Hello, I don't believe we've met. I'm Mr. Potter, James' dad. Do you know him?"

Lily smiled politely and shook his hand. "Lily Evans. Yes, sir, I do. Quite well, actually," she added looking at Olivia, who rolled her eyes.

"It's a pleasure, Lily," Mr. Potter replied before turning to Olivia, "Is this the red head you were telling me about?"

Olivia's face reddened and she couldn't respond. Lily's eyes widened, but Mr. Potter did not seem to pick up on the acuteness of teenage girl's feelings.

"She mentioned that James was, er, quite taken with a young lady of Gryffindor with fiery locks such as yours," Mr. Potter joked.

"Is that all she mentioned?" Lily said in Olivia's direction, blushing all the while.

Dumbledore intervened before Olivia could respond, sensing they were entering dangerous territory. "Miss Perkins, thank you for helping Mr. Potter, but it's time you got back to your day off."

Olivia smiled sourly, "Yes, Professor."

Dumbledore turned to Lily, "Miss Evans, I think it would be appropriate for you to do likewise. If you do feel the need to talk, I have much more free time tomorrow, feel free to stop by."

Lily nodded at the old man's kind words and turned to leave. 

"Actually, Albus, if you don't mind I'd like a word with Lily."

Lily stopped in her tracks, as she heard the Professor respond, "Not at all, I'll just go to the Great Hall and start sorting through these."

"I won't be long," Mr. Potter said looking at Lily, who was engaging in the nervous habit of smoothing her skirt.

As Dumbledore left, James' father addressed Lily, "Are you a sixth year as well?"

She nodded.

"Evans," he pondered, "I don't recognize that family name."

"I'm muggle born."

"It hasn't stopped you from accomplishing yourself, though?" he said kindly.

She smiled. While he had been talking to James she couldn't see how they were related, but now she saw where James got some of his charm. But she could find no trace of James' warmth. He must get that from his mother. For a minute Lily wondered what his mother was like, but her thoughts were interrupted by Mr. Potter's voice.

"Dumbledore speaks highly of you, I've heard quite a lot," Lily smiled awkwardly, but Mr. Potter continued. "You say you know him quite well-James, I mean."

"As well as anyone can know James," she replied slightly startled by the subject change. Lily suppressed a smile as Mr. Potter ran a hand through his hair in the exact motion she had seen James do a thousand times.

"You may know that James and I aren't on the best terms," he watched Lily's response, as if testing whether she was worthy of his continuing.

"Yes, sir, I was aware of that."

Mr. Potter paced to his left for a minute. When he stopped he said, "If you don't mind my asking, what is a girl like you doing with my son?"

Taken aback slightly, Lily could not answer.

"Good grades, prefect, candidate for Head Girl..."

Lily decided to respond before he could list anymore, "We study together, actually."

"James studies? Since when?"

"Since he wanted to prove he wasn't just an immature prat. James is a great guy."

His father laughed, "Great guy? You don't mean screw up?"

Anger coursed through Lily's veins. "With all do respect, sir, he's not a screw up," she said icily.

Mr. Potter looked shocked by her words, but he quickly sobered, "I'm sorry I offended you. I shouldn't have spoken so forwardly."

"It's not your frankness that offended me. It was you selling your son short." Lily was surprised at her own forwardness now. Clearly so was Mr. Potter.

At first Lily thought he was going to yell at her, but after a moment he smiled.

"I can see why James likes you," Mr. Potter paused. "If I ask you another question, will you promise to speak your mind just as you are doing now?"

Lily nodded, slightly apprehensive.

"James' mother and I are considering transferring James out of Hogwarts," he watched for her response; she attempted to look like she hadn't already heard this information from the same source. "Is that what's best for him?"

Lily didn't know what to say, "I think that's more of a family decision. I really have no place voicing my opinion."

"You promised you'd say what you really thought."

Lily thought about James leaving. As awkward as this question was, if she could say something to stop James' father from taking him, she had to try.

"I think it's a terrible idea," she started. "Do you really think he'll take you ripping him from his friends his senior year lying down? Right when he's trying to turn himself around, you'd be giving him something to rebel against. He'd just get himself kicked out of Durm-where ever you sent him."

Lily was grateful Mr. Potter missed her slip up. "Would he really be that upset?" He seemed to ask the question to himself, but Lily answered anyway.

"Hogwarts is his home, Mr. Potter. His friends are his family, they're the ones who believe in him," Lily saw hurt in his eyes,

"Thank you for your time, Miss Evans," Mr. Potter said stiffly after a silence. "Good luck on Head Girl."

Lily didn't reply, but Mr. Potter left swiftly. The conversation did little to clear up the mess in her head. Time to keep walking, she decided. This time though, she would walk where there was no possibility of running into people who made sorting through her thoughts more complicated. I really need to get a Pensieve.

Back in the Marauder's dorm, things weren't much better.

"Where could he have gone?" Peter asked.

Remus sighed, "Anywhere. He's got the cloak and the map."

"The quidditch pitch?" Peter suggested.

"Not a chance," Sirius said. "Not for something like this. He knows I'd look there. He's gone somewhere he thinks we won't find him."

"He probably wants to get as far away from his dad as possible," Remus agreed.

As the boys split up to go search for their friend, Lily was about to find out that this was not exactly the case.

In order to meet less people in her travels, Lily began a winding walk up some back staircases to a little used corridor on the sixth floor that ran a full mile loop with no classrooms.

She reached the hallway. The windows on one side sprayed rays on sunlight all over the solid stonewall on the other. There were no exits except the one she came in and the one at the end of this sunny tunnel. If it hadn't been a bright day, Lily might have been significantly creeped out. 

"What were you talking to my father about?"

Startled, Lily spun around to see James standing in the doorway behind her, invisibility cloak in hand. She looked from the cloak to the accusing look on his face. "Were you spying on me?"

"No," James face softened. "I was watching on the map, but I couldn't get there fast enough to hear what was said. Bloody broken moving staircases." He muttered the last sentence.

Lily decided being defensive would get her nowhere, so she said, "I ran into Dumbledore, and then we ran into Olivia and your father--" 

"Olivia?" James interrupted.

Lily glared at him and continued, "Both Dumbledore and Olivia had mentioned me to your father and he had a few questions for me."

"About you?" James asked, stepping closer.

"Not entirely." His gaze was so intense Lily had to look away.

"What did you tell him?" James said quietly.

Lily swallowed, their proximity messing with her emotions. "I said, um, that I thought transferring you was a terrible idea."

James smiled, "You said that?"

She nodded and he brushed her hair back behind her ear. His smile disappeared, and he was serious once more. "Why?"

Lily was silent. He protested, "Why would you do that?"

She looked up at him. She had asked herself that very same question so many times today. It was the reason she had been walking in this normally abandoned part of the castle. She had been running from the answer, but she finally knew what to say. "I don't want you to go."

James didn't respond right away, but after a moment he expressed what he was feeling. He kissed her. Slowly at first, but it deepened with time. There was no rush or urgency in his touch. He was content with just kissing her, losing himself in something that was not anger or frustration.

Lily did not know how long they kissed, but she knew as soon as it was over they had kissed a second too long.

It was Sirius who found them. "What the fuck is this?" he asked, jolting them apart.

James' hand lingered on Lily's neck before he stepped back, and she missed its warmth immediately.

"Hey, Padfoot," he said not truly comprehending the gravity of the situation. Lily pressed herself back against the wall to escape the fury on Sirius' face. He looked so appalled by what he had seen, and Lily suspected their fight was the reason. Her suspicions were confirmed by his next words.

"Your friends are searching the castle worried about you and you're having your head messed with by her again?" Lily sensed Sirius wanted to call her a bitch, but even he wouldn't go that far in James' presence.

James was confused. "What's the big deal?" he asked.

Sirius smirked, "Nothing. There's just no point. You won't get much farther than that; she's a prude."

James looked from Sirius to Lily. He couldn't figure out where Sirius' angered stemmed from and why Lily wasn't trying to defend herself.

"I don't know what's going on between the two of you, but I've got bigger issues to deal with."

"That explains the making out." Sirius said sarcastically. "You'd better get back to those big issues of yours." Sirius motioned towards Lily's chest. "I can see I'm not needed here. This must have a real important impact on your life as we know it, so..." He turned to leave, but couldn't resist one more scathing comment. "Prongs, just incase you want to deal with something that actually has to do with your life, come and find me." 

"Sirius, don't--" James tried.

But to no avail. "No, by all means, if this makes you feel better, carry on," Sirius called over his shoulder as he stormed off.

James turned towards Lily. Before he could ask her anything, she shook her head. "You should go talk to them."

He moved towards her, but she backed away. He looked hurt so she smiled, "You should go think up a game plan or whatever you call it."

He nodded and began to leave, but he stayed long enough to say, "I hope Sirius isn't right... about you messing with me. Pleas don't push me away again, love."

Lily smiled at him, the tears that had been threatening all day were back, and this time she knew she couldn't hold them in. Finally he was gone, and she slid down the wall she had been leaning on, tears streaming down her cheeks for the first time that day.

And that's where she stayed. As the sun was setting, the hallway glowed pink and orange, stones illuminated by the colors. But after the shadow had passed over her, the hallway became cold. Too weary to be scared, Lily closed her eyes where she was. She drifted to sleep after a while, but she awoke to the sound of steps on the stairs. It was Sirius.

Lily laughed at his scowl as he crossed into the dark corridor. "Come to finish me off, then?"

He leaned against the windowsill in one of the many alcoves that had previously shone with brilliant light. With his back to her he gazed silently out into the night.

"You were genuinely upset earlier... when you thought James was leaving, I mean."

It had been a while since either had spoken, and Lily was surprised that his voice was so calm.

"I know you were, I saw you," he seemed to understand that she would not talk until she had some explanation of his vanished anger. "James said you told his dad what was what." Lily smiled inwardly at his wording. "That was good of you." He decided to try a new subject, leaving great pauses between each of his sentences. "You didn't miss much in the assembly... The others are just relaxing in the common room... Mr. Potter came by and said he wasn't going to make any decisions until the year's over... I guess to give James a chance to prove himself."

He paused to see if Lily would respond. She did, "That's great."

"I need to know something, Lily. I need to know you aren't going to add to his stress right now."

"I don't really think that's any of your business."

Her remark angered him, "I don't have to be here, Lily. You pissed me off."

"Then why are you here?" Lily was frustrated by his attempt at peace. "I know I fucked up. I'm sorry! I'd accept it if you never talked to me again."

"I have a quick temper, Lily. It takes a lot to calm me down," he said slowly.

"Why are you here, Sirius?" Lily just wanted him to get to the point.

He finally turned around, "I think that's obvious." Sirius watched her, "He cares about both of us, and we care about him. So, let's resolve this because he needs us both."

Lily was slightly hurt. "That's it?"

Sirius laughed, "I feel like that's a lot."

"What about our friendship?" she asked quietly.

He smiled, "Well, I'm here to salvage that as well."

There was silence for a minute or two as they both accepted the situation. Finally Lily spoke up.

"I am sorry, I shouldn't have said those things." 

For the first time their eyes met and Lily felt a mutual forgiveness and understanding. Sirius shrugged, but said nothing.

"You were right, you know... about me being jealous."

Again, he did not answer.

"Remember when you asked me that question... with the cards?" Lily blushed, but she finally got a response from Sirius in the form of a wry smile.

"About whether you wanted to be a vi--"

"Yes," she interrupted him quickly, embarrassment threatening to prohibit her from continuing. She blushed and then she sighed. "I don't," blushing deeper, she stuttered. Sirius waited as she took a deep breath, "I don't want to be."

Lily paused and then stood to leave. As she reached the exit, Sirius called out, "James?"

Lily shrugged, but a coy smile crossed her face, giving her away.

A/N I've just realized that my italicized formatting has not been working. I hope this chapter doesn't suffer as it relies on italics to denote flashbacks...


	10. Chapter 9ish

In the Cards...

"Just let me be, Remus," Lily said more exasperated then she intended.

Remus looked at her squarely. "No."

He had been pestering her for the better part of their potions lesson, and Lily was taking out her frustration on the ingredients she was chopping. At first she had been glad to be paired with Remus. Sirius was still acting awkwardly towards her and James kept trying to get her alone to ask her questions she did not want to answer. Remus seemed like a reprieve from the other boys until he started in on questions of his own. She might as well be paired with James.

"Remus, you are making it very hard for me to cut these newt eyes delicately." It was true: in her annoyance Lily was doing a terrible job of cutting the component carefully, as was prescribed in the recipe.

"A few simple questions cannot be to blame for your butchering of a simple task," He quipped at her while changing the stirring hands. "I just want to know what happened."

Lily decided to play it innocent, "What happened when?"

She received another piercing look from Remus. "You pick. What happened with James? Sirius? James and Sirius? James' dad?"

Lily shrugged, "Nothing happened. What makes you think something did?"

"I don't know, maybe the fact that everyone was acting very strange, disappeared, and came back even stranger?" Remus smiled at her.

Lily smiled back, "Fine, I'll tell you."

"Tell him what?" someone sneered from behind them. 

"Something that has nothing to do with you I'm sure, Snape," Remus replied coolly. 

As Severus Snape was proficient in potions, he was often called in as a teacher's aid in the upper level courses where the potions required more detailed preparations. Snape turned to Lily, attempted a smile, and failed. "Why don't you let your partner help with the slicing?" 

It took a minute for Lily to see his underlying scheme. As she gripped the entirely silver knife in her hand she replied, "Actually, we're all done with these." This was a lie, and the potion would probably not be thick enough, but Lily put down the knife, closed up the ingredient jar, and walked to the store cabinet to put it back anyway. 

Pleased with herself for dealing well with the situation, Lily didn't see James come up behind her. What was she going to do about James? She did not want a relationship publicly displayed for the whole school to see, nor did she want a private relationship that she had to work to keep secret. She didn't want pressures, or rules. She did not want to label what they had. But how was she to explain this to James? If she said anything along the lines of, "I don't want a relationship" or "I don't want a boyfriend" he'd assume she was just pushing him away again. And now that Sirius had sufficiently put the idea that she was "playing" with James into his head, she could not risk him getting angry.

"We need to talk, Lily," he said quietly, placing his jar on the shelf next to hers.

"Not now, James," she answered. Lily turned to go back to her table, but he caught her arm.

"What did Snape say to you?" Lily could see a flicker of protection in his eyes, and concern for Remus.

She glanced down at his hand on her arm and said nothing.

"If you're my girlfriend, I don't want him even looking at you," James continued. The protection became possession and Lily was quickly annoyed by his actions. She twisted her arm away from him.

"It's good thing I'm not your girlfriend then."

She stalked back over to her station, ignoring Sirius' questioning looks. This was exactly what she did not want. She would have to find a way to tell James to back off. Easier said than done.

Remus finished up the potion as Lily did the rest of the clean up. He threw her a half smile as they worked side by side, "After that, I definitely need some answers."

Lily nodded but did not have time to divulge the gossip. They finished up late in potions and had to hurry to Defense Against the Dark Arts. Lily spent the majority of the class writing notes to Remus explaining her current situation. His comments were sincere in their sympathy, but not productive towards a solution. Lily deep in contemplation, having just finished a remark to Remus, was startled to find how quickly the time had flown when she wasn't paying attention. Everyone around her was packing up their things and heading to the last class of the day, History of Magic.

Frustrated that she was having a very poor academic day and that she had to keep hurrying to class, Lily didn't bother waiting for Remus. Upon arriving in their next class, Lily took a seat away from where the Marauders normally sat. She was determined to pay attention and take some sort of notes in this class at least. But as the Marauders came in and sat in the row by the windows, Lily knew notes were out of the question.

James sauntered to his seat, cocky and aloof. Her words earlier were clearly fueling his attitude. For a flicker of a second, when their eyes met, his outer projection fell away. He was sweet, he was fun-but then the moment was over, and he was a prat.

Lily sighed. James' bad mood added on to the list of things she needed to deal with. But at the same time, there was something attractive about him right now. Seeing him acting like he used to, but knowing it was just an act made him seem that much cooler. Or hotter, Lily corrected herself. The only thing a girl likes more than a bad boy is a bad boy who is actually a good boy.

She hated to admit it, but the longer she looked at him, the more attractive he got. As she let her mind drift from the lecture to more interesting topics, her gaze scrutinized his every move. He was currently leaning back in his chair, waiting for a reply to a note he had just thrown Remus. Judging by the look on Remus' face, he was not pleased to be missing a second class due to note passing. She watched Remus for a minute and then glanced back at James. Why did he look so much better in his uniform than anyone else? Lily continued to look him up and down, trying to find an answer.

Maybe it's his body? She posed. It was true; he did fill out the clothes better than most boys. But other quidditch players and athletes had similar bodies and they still didn't spark the same interest James did. 

Frustrated, Lily again took her glance from James and scanned the room. She laughed upon realization that she wasn't the only girl in the room staring at James. Three other girls were blatantly staring at him, making Lily hope she hadn't been that obvious. But their interest confirmed her suspicions that there was something about James. Why did they all (including her) find him so irresistible? 

James was now bent over the reply he had been waiting for, scribbling his own. Lily watched as he finished, looked up and caught Remus' eye. He smiled, tossed the note, and relaxed into his chair, loosing his tie while still holding his quill with one hand. That's when it hit her: he was the only one who could make dress-pants and a collared shirt with a sweater and a tie look so casual. 

She looked over at Sirius to test her theory. Sure, he looked confident in the outfit, but he also looked like he he'd rather be wearing a leather jacket. The clothes caged him despite his attitude. But James, with his rolled up sleeves, loose tie and messy hair, just looked so comfortable.

He was also looking right at her. She had been caught. Lily felt heat creeping up her cheeks as she turned, embarrassed, back to the empty page of notes in front of her. So much for being discrete.

After the period ended, Lily sprinted from the room. She was in no mood to be called out for staring at James Potter during a lecture. Plus, her resolve for not being with him was completely weakened by the fact that he was all she could think about. In fact she was so focused on avoiding James that she forgot to avoid his cronies.

"Lily!" Remus called from behind her.

She stopped walking but did not turn around. Maybe he wouldn't want to grill her on all the juicy gossip she told him about earlier.

"Let's take a walk before dinner."

Maybe not.

She didn't respond, but he took it as an affirmative answer. If she had said "no" he probably would have taken it as an affirmative answer.

Remus joined her and they fell easily into step with each other. They had not walked far before Remus began to speak. But Lily was listening to something else. Some one was laughing on the stairs ahead of them. Someone who she was trying to steer clear of. With only the thought of missing James, Lily pulled Remus into an empty classroom off of the main hall.

Pressing her ear to the door, Lily ignored his confused stares. She listened as James walked passed joking with Sirius. When they were gone she leaned her back against the door and turned to Remus, who had his arms crossed over his chest quite smugly.

"Hiding from James?"

Lily nodded. "Do you need to ask why?"

Remus laughed and took the seat at the front of the class behind the professor's desk. Lily pushed herself off the wall and went to sit on the desk in front of him.

Remus looked at her. "He won't stop talking about you."

She rolled her eyes. "Great."

Remus leaned forward, "Would it really be that bad? To be his girlfriend?"

Lily looked down at her hands. "I don't want the pressure. Can't we just be friends?"

The boy laughed, "I'm James' friend, and I've never tried to console him through kisses. And if I did it would be a definite breach of our friendship."

Lily glared at him.

"If you like him and he likes you, I don't understand what the problem is."

Lily shrugged, "This school is the problem. People like Olivia Perkins are the problem."

He laughed, "This is about Olivia?"

"No, it's...I can't explain it," Lily glanced away, thinking. She wanted to be with James, but she didn't want to be his girlfriend and have everyone look at her differently. She didn't want to announce something and have to maintain it. "Look, I don't really want to talk about this anymore."

Remus nodded. After a moment he decided to change the subject. "So what'd you think of Mr. Potter?"

Lily smiled, "He's a seemed like a nice man. I mean, when he's not mad at James."

"Aren't we all."

Their laughter was cut short by the sound of the door opening.

Lily groaned as Severus Snape waltzed into the room. 

"Look what we have here," he said surveying them. "You two spend an awful lot of time alone together in obscure places-for people who are just friends, I mean."

"Maybe if you had friends it wouldn't seem so strange to you," replied Remus, clearly not willing to take any more of Snape's crap.

Snape ignored the sting, and continued, choosing his words carefully, "Does Potter know you two are... seeing each other behind his back?"

It was Lily's turn for a quip, "Is this all you do, Severus? Lurk around the school until you find something that's not your business so you can butt in and make everyone else as miserable as you are?"

A new voice came from behind the greasy haired boy, "That's exactly what he does." 

As they all turned to look, James strode into the room. "What's going on?"

Snape smirked, "Ask them, I was just leaving."

"I think that would be best," Remus remarked.

As Snape left the room, James looked between Lily and Remus. 

Remus stood, "I was just leaving also." Lily shot him a pleading look, and then upon realization that he was abandoning her, glared at him.

James stood in the middle of the room. "So... we should talk."

Lily nodded. This was it. She had to try something, so she hopped off the desk and moved towards him. "I don't want to be your girlfriend."

"So I hear," he sat on the edge of one of the student desks, a half smile creeping out of the side of his mouth as he spoke. "But if I'm not mistaken, you were found snogging me in a corridor fairly recently. And if I'm not further mistaken, you seemed to be enjoying it." 

It seemed that angry hurt James from earlier had been replaced by fun James. It was Lily's turn to smile. She was glad he was taking this well. "I did. And I want to enjoy it again."

James reached out his hand to her and pulled her closer, "But you don't want to be my girlfriend?"

"No," she looked into his eyes. Even when she was standing and he was sitting, they seemed perfectly matched for each other. Her body fit into his so well.

"Let's just see how things work out. We'll just be what we are. Good friends." she heard herself saying as his one of his hands found the small of her back. His other hand was on her neck, pulling her towards him. 

Their noses touched and he smiled. "Good friends?" There was a long silence as they held their position.

"Okay," he stood, releasing her. "For now."

Not too long after that, Lily found herself in a much different mood.

"James..." she whispered onto his skin, curling her toes around the sheets. "Oh, James..." 

"Lily... Lily..." 

She was confused, that didn't sound like James.

"Lily wake up!" 

Startled, Lily pulled the covers off her head. She squinted up through the morning light at the figure of Kate standing above her.

Her friend smiled, "Good dream, uh?"

Lily blushed. Hoping she hadn't been talking in her sleep she decided to feign innocence, "I don't know what you're on about." 

Kate raised her eyebrows, and sent Lily a knowing look; "If you want to play it that way I guess I could just go ask James if he knows why you'd be moaning his name in your sleep."

Lily groaned and rolled over, covering her face with her pillow. Had anyone else heard her? As if reading her mind, Kate called from the bathroom, "You're late. Everyone else is down at breakfast all ready. You're lucky they left before your dream-gasm."

All Lily wanted to do was crawl further into her bed and hide there forever. She felt a weight on the edge of her bed as Kate sat down and began to search for her in the blankets. 

"Seriously, Lil, when are we going to talk about this?"

Lily dodged her friend's hands as she shrank towards the footboard. Kate heard a muffled reply, "Talk about what?"

Rolling her eyes she pinned Lily in a corner and threw the blankets off of her. Looking her friend straight in the eye, ignoring Lily's mussed hair, Kate responded, "Your denial about Potter, yeah?"

Wobbling slightly, Lily untangled her legs from her sheets and staggered onto the floor. "Denial over what?"

"You won't go out with him, but you dream about having-"

"I am not in denial, Kate, I'm perfectly aware of the conundrum I'm in," Lily interrupted as she walked into the bathroom.

Kate leaned back on Lily's pillows and heard Lily turn on the sink. "Then what do you propose you do about it?"

Lily stood in the doorway with her toothbrush in her mouth pulling her hair into a ponytail. "We'rb jusb briends."

"Friends who want to snog are not just friends!" Kate called, putting on her shoes.

Exasperated Lily came out of the bathroom and began dressing herself. As she buttoned her shirt, she said, "What am I supposed to do about it now, huh? I've already told him what I want."

"I don't think he'd have a problem if you changed your mind in his favor."

"I don't like people knowing my business."

"So tell him you want to keep it a secret," Kate suggested unhelpfully.

Lily laughed, halfway through wrestling her sweater over her head she got stuck and turned in the direction of her friend. "So I should just go over there and say, 'Sorry I still don't want to be your girlfriend, but I'd like us to snog occasionally'?"

"No, first you should learn how to put on sweaters, then you should go talk to him." Kate said walking over to her and tugging on the sweater.

Untangled, Lily glared at her, but sighed in resignation. "Fine, how do I look?"

Kate looked Lily up and down. Her skirt was wrinkled, her shirt un-tucked, the sweater debacle had static-ed her hair considerably; not to mention the fact that her socks were uneven. 

"You look great."

Lily smiled, grabbed her bag and left the room calling good-humoredly over her shoulder, "Liar!"

The walk from her dorm up to the boys' was shorter than usual and her heart began beating faster as she stood outside of the door. Closing her eyes, Lily took a deep breath and smoothed her ruffled attire. Combing her fingers through her hair, she bit her lip and knocked. Maybe they had already gone to breakfast, she hoped.

"Come in!"

Maybe not. 

She opened the door and cautiously stepped inside looking around. James was the only one there. And he was half naked. Leave it to a marauder to be so completely unconcerned with being late they weren't even dressed yet. 

As Lily approached the center of the room, a shirtless, boxer clad James was just finishing up his morning pushups. 

Lily cleared her throat, "Are you in the habit of inviting girls in to see you work out each morning?"

James laughed, "If so are you going to make it a habit to come and watch me?" 

Lily blushed, James' present attire taking its toll on her. "I need to talk to you."

James stood and looked at her, "So talk."

Lily shook her head, "I'll wait outside while you change."

Grinning, James replied, "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

She paused and then repeated herself. 

"I'll wait outside." 

She moved to hallway and closed the door only to have it opened again almost immediately.

James and his boxers stepped into the hallway beside her. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I thought you were changing."

Again he grinned, "Is there a problem with the way I'm dressed?"

Lily turned her back and paced the hall a moment. "N-no, yes. Yes there is."

James leaned into the doorframe, "What's that?"

She blushed, "It's hard to... to concentrate on what I'm saying."

"I have that problem every time I'm around you." He looked away, the sudden honesty not fitting his normal defensive cockiness. "What is it you need to say?"

"I um..." his arms were so strong "...um... I wanted to..." his body so fit " ...needed... to... we're friends right?"

James looked disappointed, "Yeah, we are,"

She closed her eyes, "Good." 

In one swift movement she was pressed against him, kissing him like she had in her dream. Shocked by the sudden affection, it took James a moment to take control. But soon he had turned her around so her back was against the wall. Slowing down their actions he pressed both of his palms flat against the wall for support as he leaned into her.

They didn't flinch when another door to the hall opened and someone came rushing out into the staircase.

"James! Oh I had a question about-"

"I'm busy, Henry" James said barely talking his focus from Lily.

"Oh, of course, sorry," the younger boy began to grasp the state of affairs. His quidditch captain was snogging, almost naked with the girl of his dreams.

As soon as Henry had gone, Lily ducked under one of James' arms.

"I'll see you at breakfast."

She was gone before James could grasp what had happened. Smiling he went into his room and put on his uniform. Pleased but confused, James made his way to the Great Hall for breakfast.

His eyes caught hers the second he walked in. She smiled but looked away, so James went to sit with his friends.

"What took you so long, Prongs?" Remus asked.

James grinned, but only shrugged vaguely in response reaching for some eggs.

At the other end of the table Kate turned to Lily. "Judging by the pleased/vacant look on his face I'd say it went well, eh?"

Lily simply munched her toast, but her sparkling eyes gave everything away.

Across the hall there was a commotion as a few fourth year Ravenclaws laughed uproariously. Everyone was in high spirits on this Friday before a Hogsmeade trip, but getting to class late was on none of their agendas. Class drawing nearer, Lily and Kate followed the rest shuffling out of the Great Hall.

James watched as Lily walked passed the Ravenclaw table, shocked by what he saw. One of the boys involved in the commotion earlier reached out his hand and pinched her bottom as she passed. James choked on his pumpkin juice as Lily turned wide-eyed to face her molester. 

"Excuse me?" she asked the boy.

He grinned at his friend, "Just testing the goods, love."

"That's a cheeky little answer for a fourth year to say to a prefect. 30 points from Ravenclaw." she responded narrowing her eyes, her temper flaring.

"Well your cheeky little arse deserved it."

"And your arse deserves detention. You'll have it all day tomorrow with Professor McGonagall while the rest of us enjoy the village."

"You can't do that!" 

Lily's eyes flashed. "Yes I can. This is a school; think with your other head. Behavior like this will not be tolerated."

As soon as she had gone, James made his way over to the boy. 

"Hallo, fellas," he said amiably, popping a grape into his mouth. Sirius and Remus followed his lead and took seats on either side of the boy's friend. The fourth years exchanged confused looks as James continued.

"You may know who we are, though you are insignificant. The point is, you've got spunk. You do, you're ballsy... I like that."

James put his hand on the boy's neck, and lowered his voice dangerously. "But don't you ever disrespect that girl again." 

Remus glared at the boy's friend, while Sirius ate some of his muffin.

James continued, squeezing the boy's neck, "If you do, our next talk won't be nearly as pleasant..." He released the fourth year (who rubbed his neck) and grinned at Sirius. The older boys went to class, leaving behind two schooled, scared, significantly less excited-for-the-weekend Ravenclaws.

James watched Lily during each of their classes that day. He watched her write, he watched her think, and he watched her smile. But through all of that, he couldn't figure out what was going on between them. She acted like nothing had happened that morning, yet she flirted with him when he came up behind her during lunch. Was she playing him? Did he mind?

It wasn't until that evening that James had the chance to talk to her in private. As the others went down to dinner, James pulled Lily aside. In a stair alcove near the Great Hall, he cornered her. At first she looked amused, but her expression changed when she saw how serious he was, how rigidly his arms were crossed.

"What's going on here?" he asked.

"You needed to talk to me... privately?" she guessed.

He didn't laugh, "I meant between us."

To his surprise she laughed. Before he had a chance to wonder why, she moved towards him. Automatically he uncrossed his arms. She placed her hands on his face as she reached up on her tippy toes to kiss him. It was a quick kiss. Nothing fancy. After a pause, Lily left James' level and lowered herself to her normal height.

James stared at her searching her face for an explanation. She cheeks were flushed. She opened her mouth to comment, but decided it was better to just nod. So she did. Not looking James in the eye, she turned to leave. But it wasn't that easy. He caught her arm as she went by and forced her to turn back around.

"What was that?" he asked slowly.

Lily shrugged, so he continued.

"I thought we were just friends."

"I said good friends," Lily retorted.

"Operative word still being friends," he said, releasing her.

"Didn't I also say we should just see what happened?"

He shook his head, "I don't understand what you want."

She watched him ruffle his hair, "Neither do I."

"Well, what are we?" he asked after a moment.

"Do we have to be something?"

"I want to know where we stand... and what-what I can do."

She looked up at him, and he held her gaze. "I can't tell you that." She paused. "Here's what I can tell you: we're friends" he groaned, "but we obviously have a ... special interest in each other. I don't want to label it. I can't." 

She looked at him for something; maybe for approval, maybe for understanding, but mostly to see if he was appeased.

After along pause, he sighed, "So let's just... see what happens?"

She smiled, "You're spontaneous, I think you can handle it."

He shook his head, but smiled slightly, still looking stressed by the situation. "Let's go get dinner."


	11. Chapter 10ish

In the Cards...

"What kind of word is that anyway? Label," Remus asked suddenly, looking up from the essay he was supposedly editing. A quaffle sailed by the bed where he sat puzzling over James' social life.

James had finished explaining (read: complaining) about his conversation with Lily about an hour ago. Since then he had fallen into a game of catch with Sirius. They were both too lazy to really play and had resorted to tossing the quaffle to each other from the comfort of their respective beds. Soon they had lapsed into quiet, the running water of Peter's shower providing a calming background for thinking.

Everyone had presumed Remus was working diligently until his comment broke the silence and betrayed his procrastination.

"I mean, seriously," he reiterated.

Sirius groaned as a poorly aimed pass from James bounced off his gut. Sitting in a more alert position, James did not seem to notice. He scooted to the edge of his bed and looked at Remus.

"Label..." he rolled the word around in his mouth. "What kind of word is that?"

Remus nodded, "That's what I'm saying, mate."

Sirius, recovered, rolled off his bed on to the floor and offered, "I think it's Latin in origin."

Remus looked at him, but the other boy simply shrugged and remained laying flat on the floor. "Most things are, so, you know, safe bet."

Shaking his head Remus returned to the real subject. He balanced his quill carefully on one finger. "Does she think she has to wear a sign around her neck stating her relationship to you?"

James looked at his friend blankly, "Moony, I have no idea what she thinks. I have no idea how she thinks. Apparently, I'm not thinking enough, because she has all sorts of thoughts I could never think of."

"Technically," Sirius started, popping a chocolate frog he had found under his bed into his mouth, "you are nothing to her."

Remus and James both stared at him, their astonished looks prompting him to continue. "See, if you have no label, then you mean... nothing."

"Incredibly helpful, Padfoot, as usual," Remus returned his gaze to James who looked preoccupied.

"I'm starving!" Sirius wailed to no one in particular.

James nodded, still obviously focused on something else. "Give me a minute and we'll get something to eat."

"Kitchens or bust!" Sirius concluded.

As if in a trance, James got up from his bed and began rooting around for some parchment in his bag. Smiling, he left the room without answering the questions and jinxes shot at him by his friends.

He found Lily in the common room, as usual. I'm sure the careful reader can guess her state by now, but for those less observant I shall detail the scene. In a chair by the window, Lily Evans was deep in a cave of red hair as she bent down to look at a book in her lap. 

James tried not to swagger towards her, but overcome with confidence he could not resist the urge to twirl his wand.

"I made you something," he said sitting on the edge of the table in front of her.

Looking up, Lily swept her hair from her face and adjusted her eyes from her text onto James. "Is it a sculpture?"

"Uh, no."

Lily glanced around the room, doing a silent inventory of the first and second years. "What is it?"

James smiled and handed her a piece of paper which had her named scrawled across the top.

Lily turned it over in her hands skeptically, searching for an explanation. "You really didn't have to go through all of this trouble- to make me... personalized stationary?" she guessed.

"It's a label."

Lily frowned.

"I made myself one, too." James showed her a similar piece of paper reading, 'James.'

Lily threw him and exasperated look that had almost as much physical impact on James' gut as when Sirius received his quaffle blow earlier. She began gathering her things and half stood before James pushed her back into the chair.

"Wait, just hear me out."

Lily glared at him, but remained seated. Her legs were crossed and her arms were folded sternly around her book. She raised her eyebrows, daring him to continue.

James faltered momentarily; why was she so attractive when she was mad at him? "I labeled us."

"I can see that." 

James nodded. "But there is no us. We are ourselves. See? I can't label 'us' because I can't label the air between us."

Lily's eyes narrowed. "Are you saying we're nothing?"

"No! I'm saying you can't label something that's un-label-able." He paused to consider her mood. She was leaning back in the chair again indicating a desire to listen, so he continued. "I am me and you are you. And whatever happens between us is just me and you together."

"There is no us?" she asked apprehensively.

"No us that we can label; just us as in me and you. More we than us."

Lily laughed, "We is a different form of us"

James grinned, "Exactly."

Lily smiled at James and relief flooded his body. But it was short lived. Her face neutralized as she shifted her gaze over his shoulder. James now noticed the shadow that had appeared on her book.

Glancing behind him he saw Sirius, with the same disinterested look, eyes locked with Lily.

"Let's go. No does," Sirius stated plainly.

"Sirius," James warned.

The larger boy nodded in acceptance but remained waiting.

James sighed, "One more minute, eh?"

Sirius walked deliberately to the portrait hole without a word.

James turned back around to Lily, who was still watching Sirius. 

"What's his problem now?"

James didn't respond.

"Why do you let him talk to me like that?"

"He didn't say anything to you."

Lily grimaced, "That's what I mean. He totally ignored me. I don't like being treated that way."

"First, I don't let Sirius do anything. He does whatever he wants. Second, he's my best mate," James said the last sentence with finality, as if the title explained everything.

"He's my friend too. You didn't even defend me."

James answered annoyed, "If he's your friend, defend yourself."

Lily leaned away from him, deep into the back of her chair. 

James stood, but did not turn away from her. "If I feel you are being treated disrespectfully, I will stand up for you."

Lily shook her head, "No. You're right. I should stand up for myself if I think I'm being treated unfairly."

She was mad again, her arms were re-crossed over her chest. He didn't want to meet her eyes, afraid they'd burn right through his own. 

"Can't we just go back?" he asked, though he was sick of pleading with her. 

"Do I look like a time turner?"

"No, I mean, so we can go forward? Or to anywhere you aren't obsessed with the threats of indefinable labels?

Lily sucked in her cheeks. "Don't you have to go? Sirius is waiting."

Sparks flared inside of James as Lily avoided his questions. She even avoided his answers, he thought bitterly.

"Yeah, I do. Sirius is my best mate," he repeated. "That's a label."

Lily rolled her eyes at James' back. He thought he was so clever it made her sick. She watched him climb out of the common room, her fingers wildly tapping the cover of her book like a drum. The conversation played over in her mind. James had been trying to get what he wanted. She was sure of that. And Sirius? Well, Sirius she was unsure of. Why was he angry with her now? And why had he called her a doe? Lily clenched her hands into fists and thought to herself, What kind of word is label anyway? 

Sirius insisted on walking a step in front of James, something he always did when he was frustrated with his friend. Though they kept the same pace, James could feel the power battle in their strides. He did a funny little hop to catch up, only to be thwarted by Sirius' purposeful gait. Annoyance at both Lily and Sirius pulsing through him caused James to stop in his tracks.

"Enough," he cried.

Sirius had stopped quickly, but the suddenness of James' halt and Sirius fast pace left them yards apart in the hall. James watched Sirius shuffle his feet, his hands finding the deepest part of his pockets. 

"Remus and I think she's messing with you too much."

James glared, "Don't use Remus as a cover for your thoughts."

"I'm not," Sirius countered. "We both think that. And I'm sure Pete does, too."

James ruffled his hair, "Clearly, I'm not being messed with."

"Clearly, you don't see what's going on," Sirius mocked. "Clean your glasses off mate. Some smudge is distorting your vision."

James smiled sarcastically, "She's just more difficult than the other girls I've been interested in. She's also more interesting."

"Merlin," Sirius groaned over the approaching footsteps. "I wish you would just fuck and get it over with."

"Padfoot."

"Padfoot, what? I can't take it anymore. She pisses me off sometimes. I can stand you acting like a puppy sucking up to her, and her pretending she doesn't want to bang you. Because she does," he added. "She told me."

"Dating another slag, Potter?" 

James swore silently. Why do people keep appearing behind me during important conversations? Turning on one foot, he swiveled towards the voice.

"Lucius Malfoy," he greeted solemnly. "I thought you graduated years ago or did your father's deposit fall through?"

Lucius sent him a sardonic smirk and glanced over at Sirius. "Black," was all he said.

Sirius stood frozen in place, his jaw locked. 

Lucius scoffed and swept by them. Once out of sight James relaxed the tension he had not realized he was holding in his shoulders. "What was he doing here, you think?"

Sirius remained rigid, maintaining his guard. "Why didn't you tell him off for calling Lily a slag?"

James shook his head. "I was too surprised to see him, I guess. Why do you care? You practically called her a slag yourself."

"She's not a slag," Sirius stated quietly. He was nothing like Malfoy, he reminded himself. The blonde man had shook something in Sirius. He was now determined to resolve his disagreement with James. Well, perhaps not resolve, so much as dissolve for the time being. 

"Let's go," Sirius said again.

They walked in silence towards the kitchens.

"I would have defended her. If he had called her something directly." James sounded like he was trying to reassure himself rather than Sirius, who nodded sympathetically. 

"I know."

"Did she really tell you she wants to..." James trailed off.

"Pretty much."

"Then why won't she even--"

"I don't know," Sirius interrupted. "That's why I find it so frustrating. You both want the same thing. She needs to stop jerking you around. Or start, for that matter."

James could not help but smile.

As always it seemed like the house elves were tipped that they were coming. The plates were already out and Sirius was pleased to see his favorite turkey and cheddar croissants coming out of the oven when they walked in.

Munching happily at the wooden table opposite James he mused, "What do you think Malfoy was up to?"

"Binisby Busbiness," James answered mid chew.

Sirius shook his head, "Or worse."

"Worse than 'The Man?'" James was shocked Sirius thought anything was worse than governmental rule-makers.

For the second time that day, Sirius spoke uncharacteristically quietly. "I've been hearing things. I mean I heard things. Last time I was home. And Regulus, I saw him the other day... Something is going on."

James was somber as well, "I've been getting the feeling there was something my father wasn't telling me- besides not speaking to me, I mean," he clarified, shifting in his seat.

Sirius grunted a laugh and finished eating.

The boys meandered back to the common room, letting the deeper discussions slip away. 

"No, there's no way England will ever win the World Cup!" Sirius said

James staggered backwards, "Have some respect, man. That's your country you're talking about."

"I know, but they're rubbish, really. They choke every single time."

"Next year's the year though; we've got the team."

"Oh, we've got the team," Sirius mocked, "You say that every single time."

"But this year, we do."

Sirius brought his hands to his neck, pretending to choke. James shoved him into the wall, but as they turned the corner laughter caught in both their throats.

"Oy! What's all this?" James managed to stammer.

Lily was backed against the cold stonewall and Lucius Malfoy stood sneering in front of her, leaning on one arm. James' voice made him to lurch backwards and caused relief to swell in Lily's wide eyes.

Lucius glanced between lily and James and smiled, "Ah, so this is the slag." He pronounced the last word like a snake, slithering the s from the back of his throat out through the lips of his twisted grin. Then he leaned back into Lily. He brought his hand to touch her cheek, eyes fixed on James. Lily slapped it away, but not before a warning escaped James.

"Don't you fucking touch her."

After a moment he added on through gritted teeth, "She's not a slag, asshole."

Lucius just laughed as Lily pushed her way passed him over to James and Sirius.

"Evans, you okay?" Sirius asked cautiously, not used to being the one in control of the situation. James was normally the one with the level head. Well, more a level head compared to Sirius. And in this situation, judging from his seething body, James could not be trusted to maintain anything.

Lucius cocked his head, thinking back to his days at Hogwarts, "Evans? Skinny little redhead?" His gaze sized Lily up, "She filled out nicely... for a Mudblood."

Lily's hex caught him before the other two could act. "Stupefy!"

Lucius was thrown backwards into the wall, but he remained standing. A knock to the head caused his nose to bleed and for a moment he remained unconscious, but he began to rouse quickly. He touched his hand to his face and reeled from the sight of the bright red blood Lily had managed to draw. Anger pulsed behind his eyes, "Don't you dare use magic against me, little girl, when you shouldn't have the right to use it at all."

Lily's chest was heaving; she seemed oddly out of breath. James put a hand on her hip, to steady her. 

"Think of the things I could do to you," Lucius continued boldly.

"Leave it, Malfoy."

Perhaps because he felt like it, or perhaps because he thought James' words were good advice, the blond man slunk away from the hall. He called over his shoulder as he was leaving, "Prepare yourself, Mudblood, a better world is rising."

"What did he mean by that?" Lily asked as James and Sirius exchanged looks over her head.

"What did he mean by that?" Lily asked again, not failing to notice Sirius and James' 'discreet' looks. She pushed James' hand off her waist.

Defensive now, James shook his head, "A better question would be: What was going on before we got here?"

Lily shivered, "Malfoy was just being a creep."

"Did he..." Sirius searched for an appropriate word, "frighten you?"

Lily shook her head, "No, I've been hit on by creeps before." James shifted uneasily where he stood. "He's just...well, he's creepier than most creeps. I was glad to see you two," she admitted slowly, letting them know their efforts were appreciated, but not giving them the entirety of credit.

Sirius looked at her. He could not understand how someone with such a small frame could contain so much defiance. Maybe she couldn't, causing the excess to ooze from her persona. Even her messy ponytail seemed to stand against them. It was moments like these he understood why James was so infatuated with her. He smiled at her, a genuine smile and she smiled back, clearly thankful for his warmth.

"What exactly did he say to you?" James continued.

"Nothing, James," Lily reiterated. "It's fine, really." 

"What did he --" James clearly could not let the situation go, but he was interrupted by Remus' arrival on the scene. Sprinting into the corridor from the stairs, Remus slammed into James, knocking them both into the wall. After the collision, James stood rubbing his elbow, and Remus bent over, panting, his hands on his knees, unable to answer their quizzical stares. He straightened after a minute, placing his hands behind his head.

"I saw... on the... map," he heaved as Peter ran through the same stairwell, also crashing into James. This time both boys fell to the ground. Sirius pulled Lily out of the way to keep her from ending up in the jumble. But upon seeing his best friend's arm around Lily's waist James, now nursing a second elbow and a knee, began to feel the throb of a bruised ego. He shoved Peter of off him, glaring poignantly at Lily. As he stood dusting himself off, she stepped sheepishly away from Sirius. Sirius helped Peter to his feet and the five of them stood awkwardly in the hall.

The tension derailed Remus briefly, but he cleared his head and continued, "What was Malfoy doing here?" He looked from Lily to Sirius, resting his eyes on James, who shrugged childishly, sulking.

It was Lily who spoke up, "We don't know why he was here."

"What happened?" Peter asked.

"Malfoy was harassing Lily," Sirius answered.

Lily rolled her eyes, "He was not harassing me."

James laughed bitterly, "No, you were quite enjoying yourself?"

Lily glared at him, "That's great, James."

James, clearly aware of what a prat he was being but unable to give it up yet, looked to Sirius for support.

"He did... threaten you," Sirius said to Lily.

She put her hands on her hips, "And I slammed his head into a wall."

Remus whipped his head towards her, "You attacked Lucius Malfoy? Lily, I don't think that was wise."

"So it's okay for James and Sirius to curse people? But I can't? Because I'm a weak little girl?" Lily fumed.

Remus shook his head, "You don't know these families like we do. The Malfoys hold grudges for generations. They are almost as dangerous as," he looked apologetically at Sirius, "the Blacks."

Lily's temper was rising, through gritted teeth she responded, "So he told me." She crossed her arms, "I can take care of myself." 

James scoffed upon hearing this, turned around, and walked away. Sirius sighed and looked at Remus. Their loyalty was to James, and anything more they had to say to Lily would just cause more damage. They too, turned and left the corridor, though Sirius, of all people, sent her a sincerely apologetic look.

Lily looked at Peter, who was perched on the windowsill. He looked caught, trapped even, between following and making his own decisions-- to him, it seemed, they were not the same. Remus and Sirius had followed James on their own accord, but Peter followed because he felt he had to. They were alone in the hallway, the others' footsteps had echoed into silence, and he still had not moved. It was a triumph filled with desperation. Was he worried they would be angry he had not gone with them? Perhaps they would be, Lily thought evenly. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. 

"Thoughts, Peter?" She asked, her eyes still closed. She could feel him thinking, though she could not see his furrowed brow.

She heard him make a few choked noises as he began to speak and scrapped his opening lines immediately. 

"My mum was telling me about a wizard... A dark wizard," he began finally. 

Lily opened her eyes, astonished. Of all the places she expected answers to come from, she never pictured Peter being the source. She moved towards him and sat next to him on the ledge, the cool stone and curiosity sucking the heat of anger from her body. 

"She said he's a purist-- a blood line fanatic."

Lily did not respond.

"Lily, you're really talented-- just as talented as the others. But this guy... he's going to get a lot of support. People are going to follow him." 

"You really think so?" she asked quietly. Peter sent her an affirmative look. And she nodded in agreement. 

They sat there for a time, resting in the similar feeling of being outside the core formed by James, Remus and Sirius. Lily turned to look out the window. Other students were out on the grounds, enjoying the warm weather filling them with anticipation of summer. How many of them knew about this wizard? How many of them cared?

Maybe he'll never amount to much, Lily consoled herself. Either way, she was not going to lie down and let people like Lucius Malfoy get away with the slander she had experienced earlier.

"Hey, Lily," Kate said suddenly. Lily looked away from the window, her vision going slightly green when she switched from the bright outdoors to the darkened interior of the castle. 

Peter looked startled, apparently he had not heard anyone coming either.

Kate looked at the unfamiliar twosome suspiciously. "Do you want to come down to dinner with me?"

Lily nodded and stood up, "See you later, Peter."

Lily watched him smile and wave reluctantly as she joined Kate on the stairs. As they made their way down to the Great Hall, Kate asked, "What's going on now?" 

Even though she knew her friend would not like being shut out again, Lily could not help but reply, "Nothing."

Kate's lips tightened but she changed the subject anyway. "Did you finish the charms essay?"

Guilt followed by panic invaded Lily's mind. "Is that due tomorrow?" she asked as they arrived at the Gryffindor table.

Kate raised her eyebrows, "You're slipping, Lily."

Food covered the tables and laughter and conversation filled the room, but Lily's senses felt dull. She spoke and ate mechanically. Head Girl. Head Girl. The words pulsed through her mind. You're slipping, Lily. But it was her dream that was slipping, slipping right through her grasp. 

After dinner and for the next few days the dullness continued. Not having made up with James, she joked with Kate and Allison between classes and sat with Remus, Peter and Sirius when James was not around. But she spent little time with anyone as she became focused on one thing only: Head Girl. She studied and she patrolled, her model prefect behavior coming back easily.

But one day as she was heading back to the library for lunch, James did a full 180 degree turn to avoid her in the hallway and she could not take it any more. "Bugger it," she swore before calling out to him. He turned to look at her and she motioned for him to follow her into the library.

They walked deep into the back stacks, passing only a few people who also sacrificed lunch for a few extra moments of knowledge cramming. Lily finally turned to face James in the most deserted section she could think of: muggle scientific theories.

James' feet shuffled to a stop and they stood staring at each other. 

"I'm not weak." Lily stated for the record.

James nodded, "Do you think I would like you if you were?"

"Then don't treat me like I am," Lily replied.

James sighed, "I treat you like I care about you."

Lily's mind flashed back to James defending her against Malfoy. Since the event she had tried not to think about the way his words caused goose bumps to rise on her neck. Her face reddened as thoughts crossed her mind that did not help the conversation she was trying to maintain.

"I need to focus for the next two weeks, James," she pleaded. "Really focus."

"So do I, Lily," he said coolly. His eyes locked on hers, "If I don't want to go to Durmstrang, I need to do brilliantly on my exams."

Lily understood. "After this year we can..." she said and he nodded. "When I know if-"

"-when you are," James interrupted.

She agreed, "When I am Head Girl."

The sentence sounded so solid, she could not help but grin. James smiled back at her.

It wasn't just Lily and James who buckled down. Everyone began to get pre-exam jitters mixed in with their term-end excitement. The castle became a place of desperate knowledge seekers, students panicking whether they needed to or not. In the common room one evening, Lily and James were joined in their studies by all of the other Gryffindor sixth years. Olivia sat with Kate, differences aside, as they puzzled over an aged Divination report Olivia's older sister had written. 

As far as the Gryffindors were concerned, Lily was a shoe in for Head Girl. But at one point the conversation turned to Clara Abbott, her only real competition. Lily glanced up from her papers long enough to tell them, "If they give that badge to that stupid Ravenclaw cow, I'm going to steal it and use it to gauge out my eyes." After that, no one said Clara's name with in hearing distance of Lily.

A few hours later, when the room had thinned considerably for dinner, Olivia wondered aloud, "Is a Patronus the same form someone would take as an Animagus?"

Kate laughed, "Like anyone here can answer that."

Lily looked down awkwardly; she could produce a full Patronus. As she shifted in her seat, she watched the boys do the same. Remus in particular had become very interested in a loose string coming from his sweater. Her first thought was that they too could produce Patronuses. But James and Sirius would boast about rather than hide that fact and they too had grown unnervingly quiet and uncomfortable. As the pieces fell into place, the desire to confront them caused Lily to split her quill in half. 

Luckily, Olivia and Kate decided to go down to the Great Hall for "brain food." Lily resisted the urge to question the boys in the openness of the common room; instead she cleared her throat.

"Boys," she said curtly. The four of them looked at her, "I'm going to finish memorizing this chart"-she held it up for them to see-"then we are going to have a talk." 

"We've got to study a lot more," Sirius attempted.

Lily glared at him and repeated. "And then we are going to have a talk."

It did not take her long to finish memorizing. She spent most of the time trying to figure out what exactly to ask them. 'Why' was easy. She knew they had done it for Remus. She stood and watched the others climb unenthusiastically to their feet. She marched them up to their dormitory. As soon as the door closed, she began. 

"You bloody brilliant morons."

Nobody answered her.

"How did you do it?"

"Do what?" Peter asked.

She glared at him. "Animagi, eh?"

Again she was met with silence. The Marauders were looking at each other, silently voting on a spokesperson. 

James decided to take the role, "We just followed the instructions."

Lily did not laugh, "Do you know how dangerous that is? How... illegal?!"

Sirius stepped forward, "Swear you won't tell."

"Padfoot," Remus started.

"No," Sirius put out a warning hand at Remus. "Moony, she's the only one besides the four of us who knows. She has to swear.'

Lily swallowed hard. Sirius was so grave. 

"If we talk to you about this now, Lily," James said, "it can't leave this room."

Lily had a moment to decide, "Will you show me?"

James nodded. She looked directly at Sirius and promised, "I swear I won't tell anyone."

Remus came to stand next to her. "Don't worry," he told her. "They've all ready done it. No one was hurt."

"They sneak out to be with you?" 

He nodded.

"And the four of you... roam around?"

She barely registered his nod, her own voice had become a harsh whisper.

"No one was hurt? Does that include the people you put at risk?"

Remus looked too weak to nod. He was pale and guilty.

She almost stopped torturing him, but one more question had come to her mind. "Snape?"

"He found out about me. From Sirius. James stopped him."

Lily spoke quietly, "You told me it was a 'prank.'"

"It was."

Lily shook her head, "Pranks aren't life threatening."

Remus nodded, "Sirius sometimes... thinks more like his mother."

A loud bark brought Lily back to the others. 

Remus turned towards a big black dog, "Well it's true."

The dog-Sirius, Lily reminded herself-growled.

"Whatever," Remus replied. "James! Watch the antlers!

Lily tore her eyes away from Sirius and looked around the room, for the first time noticing the large stag caught in the canopy of James' bed.

Remus quickly untangled the animal-James, Lily scolded herself. James, in this splendid form, had very little room to maneuver. He backed into a dresser causing all of the rubbish on top to scatter on the floor. 

"Seriously, Prongs," Remus said exasperated. "Watch it."

Lily looked around for Peter. For the first time she realized how surprised she was that he had even made it through the process. She felt guilty immediately after thinking it; it was not in her nature to sell people short.

A rat came scurrying out from under one of the beds, and Lily had to bite her tongue so as not to scream. Peter certainly got the short end of the Animagus-stick. Wormtail. As she stared at the rat's long appendage, the name repulsed her.

She turned her attention back to James and stared in awe as he began to transform back into himself. It was one of the most impressive things she had ever witnessed. Watching James' strong arms and chest form, desire and affection swelled inside of her. 

Behind her Sirius yawned loudly, "Do we have to go back to studying now, oh slave driver?" 

Her eyes still on James, she heard Remus laugh, "No, let's get some dinner."

In her peripheral vision, Lily saw a relieved Peter walk towards the door. James was staring back at her. 

"I've got some more studying to do," he told the others when he noticed them waiting at the door.

The door closed, Lily and James were alone in the room. Lily felt like she needed to say something. She walked towards him slowly.

"Your dad believes you thought it would be funny if Remus killed Severus?" 

James adjusted his glasses. "Something like that."

"Sirius should have been expelled," she commented as she continued her approach.

James shook his head, "That wouldn't have done any good. He needed to see the consequences of his actions on the people he cares about. He fucked up and he feels bad about it every time he sees my father leave for work without saying good morning to me, and every time he thinks about what it could have cost Remus to hurt someone, even Snape."

Lily was standing in front of him now. She reached out her hand and he accepted it in his own. Exams were over soon and then they would all be going home for the summer holidays. What would she do all summer? What would she do without James Potter? "Will you owl me this summer?" she asked quietly.

James smiled, "We can meet for drinks."

Lily laughed and James pulled her in the direction of the door. 

"It wouldn't look good for the future Head Girl to be found alone in a boy's dorm," he explained.

A sickness filled Lily's stomach as she thought of all the times and all the people who had seen her come from the Marauder's dorm. No, she decided firmly, I will not let myself regret this year. If she didn't get Head Girl because she had made new friends, then she didn't want Head Girl. She wouldn't give up Extreme Quidditch for any badge. No matter how shiny and perfect. Regardless, she longed to feel its weight on her robes.

James had not been lying, he did have more studying to do. In fact, it seemed to Lily that he was more intent on studying than she was. Despite herself, Lily had taken to playing footsie with James while they studied. Late in the evening they would share a couch while they crammed. Without realizing it, they spent almost every moment together.

The next few days were a blur of sunshine and information. It was over quickly, and though Lily didn't quite know how, she found herself in a cabin on the Hogwarts Express surrounded by girls.

A few compartments away, Sirius felt slightly guilty admitting he was glad Lily had chosen to sit with her other friends. He had missed James, but they had the entire summer ahead of them. Smiling he leaned back. He watched as Remus pressed his head against the glass of the window, a sad look playing on his features as he worried about the upcoming full moon without the presence of his best friends. Peter flipped through his set of chocolate frog cards, sulking slightly as he thought about James and Sirius together all summer jealously. James sat across from him. The messy haired boy had taken to playing with an old snitch out of nerves. A whole summer of his father had drained James of any excitement he might have felt. But Sirius was not going to his mother's house. He was excited, excited to be going home. 

He did not pick up on the others' emotions, however. As they pulled up to the station he grinned wildly. "Summer's here, chaps!"

They gathered their belongings and headed into the crowd. Remus left first; he did not need to wait for anyone to come pick him up. They shook hands, hugged, and promised to see each other soon. Peter left next, he lugged his bag towards his mother throwing a look over his shoulder back at James and Sirius, who waved. Students and parents were rushing around them as they looked for James' mother. 

A girl with a red scarf over her head ran past them and a sudden panic filled James. "I have to find Lily."

Sirius tried not to groan. "I'll stay here and wait for your mum."

James was off through the crowd before he had processed Sirius's reply. He saw her leaving alone, heading for the muggle side of the platform. "Lily!" he called weaving around a reunited family.

She turned in his direction, smiling upon recognition of his features.

"Where are you going?" He asked her.

She motioned over her shoulder, "Catching another train."

He ran his hand through his hair and moved closer to her. She looked away, unnerved by his proximity. She saw Sirius hugging a plump middle-aged woman. Then the woman turned around smiling searching for someone else. Lily recognized the smile.

"James-" she started, but she never finished. As she turned to look up at him, the intensity in his deep brown eyes trapped the words in her throat.

"I missed you on the train." His hands ran through her hair now. 

"You promised to write," she reminded him, unsure of why her eyes were tearing.

"Tell me I'll see you before next September," he searched her face for and answer.

She smiled and nodded, a drop falling down her cheek. James wiped her tear away and leaned into her. Lily put her hands on his chest and tilted her face upwards. The crowd fluxed around them as they kissed. Lily slipped her arms around James' neck and their kiss became a tight hug. "Thank you for your help this year," James whispered into her hair.

Lily pulled away. "I'll see you soon," she reassured him. It took her a moment to gather her thoughts and her bags, but she succeeded and moved in the direction of her connecting train. James watched her go, unaware of the approaching twosome.

"James Potter," his mother cried, "Who was that young lady you were kissing?!"


	12. Chapter 11ish

In the Cards...

As much as Sirius had not planned on discussing Lily all summer, he was finding James' agony at this particular moment quite entertaining.

"But what's her name, Jamie?" his mother asked for what must have been the fiftieth time since they had arrived home. They were in the kitchen being interrogated as they waited for their lunch.

James groaned, "Mum, I'm not telling you. Please let it be." 

"Sirius?" she demanded, slicing bread for sandwiches.

"Sorry, Meggy. I've been sworn to secrecy." Sirius hated to do it, but James would kill him if he caved. He considered giving Megan a clue when James was not looking.

Megan Potter glared at them both. She pointed the knife at James, "So all I'm to know is that she has red hair and green eyes?"

"Like emeralds," Sirius supplied.

Megan lit up, "How lovely. Oh, Jamie, we have to have her over for dinner!"

"Thanks, Sirius," James muttered.

"No problem," Sirius replied, chomping on a carrot.

It was still the beginning of the holidays, and the only activities James and Sirius could manage involved lying around the house or lounging around the yard. Their first day back they had made it to the beach, but the combination of freezing water and strong winds had discouraged them from trying again. Though she spent most of her time nagging them to get out of the house, Megan did not help the situation at first by fixing them lunch and bringing them ice-cold lemonade. 

Though after about a week, her joy of having the boys home had worn off and her motherly care had turned to annoyance.

"Can't you just go into town, or jump off a bridge?" she cried slapping Sirius' hand away from a fresh tart. 

Sirius and James just laughed, eating the tart out on the lawn for lunch when his mother went to tea. Upon her arrival, finding the tart consumed, James and Sirius were locked out of the house. That afternoon they decided to go to Diagon Alley and purchased a brand new product on sale in one of their favorite shops: dungbombs.

"I can't wait for September," Megan had taken to muttering as stench filled the house constantly.

James' father, Richard, had been leaving for work before James and Sirius got up. Which wasn't necessarily an attempt to avoid James, as the lads rarely woke before noon. As he promised, James wrote to Lily as often as she wrote back, but they had yet to find an agreeable time to meet as James was keeping their correspondence secret from Sirius. The letters seemed too personal to be shared: each word Lily wrote provided insight into her life. He could see her in the between parchment and the ink. She would tell him of her day, and somehow she'd be exploring her childhood and her plans for the future all at once and James could barely stand to be away from her. He imagined her writing on her porch, as she described, tucking her hair behind her ear as she leaned into the letter-- letting go of all her worries, letting him read her. He hoped his letters meant as much to her. But Sirius, though he liked Lily, did not seem to like the idea of James and Lily-- which was becoming less of an idea and more of a reality as each owl passed.

Some days Remus or Peter would come over and they would race brooms or make up other things to do. Sirius even found a use for the Super Soap spell, and they spent a great day playing muggle football in a pitch of suds. When the sun had gone down, the boys would go into town. The warm summer nights caused all the neighboring teens to flock to the park-- or the pub, if they could get away with it. 

Family dinners were the only stressful part of the day. James would begin to pace in the early evening, wondering if Richard would make it home on time. If he didn't the meal was quite pleasant, otherwise even passing the salad became a strained affair. Pretense was all they could manage for Megan's sake. 

One day, James, Remus, and Sirius came into the house expecting their evening meal, when Megan informed them that Richard had requested the meal be held until his late return. Remus looked around awkwardly, "I think I'll just eat at home, then."

Megan's face fell, "Oh, Remus, I'm sorry."

He waved off her concern, "Really Mrs. Potter, it's not problem."

She was on the verge of telling him to call her Megan, again, when her gaze fell on Sirius.

"Sirius! Oh they're beautiful!" 

Behind Remus, Sirius was sheepishly holding a bouquet of lilies. James glared at him, but said nothing to make his mother suspect.

She took the flowers from Sirius and kissed his cheek. "What a sweet boy," she murmured running off to find a vase.

James punched Sirius in the arm as soon as his mother was out of sight.

"Will you stop it?" he demanded.

Sirius rubbed his arm, "Stop what?"

James motioned after his mother, "Stop giving her clues."

Remus laughed, "Good luck with dinner, eh?" Sirius and James stopped bickering to see him to the fireplace, where he departed. 

They sat down on the couch, listening to Megan sing along with the radio in the kitchen. James ran a hand through his hair, leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and clasped his fingers together. He looked sideways at Sirius, "This is strange, yeah?"

Sirius nodded, waiting for James to continue.

"Do... do you think he's made a decision about Durmstrang?"

Sirius leaned forward as well, "It feels that way, doesn't it?"

James bent his head down. "I'm not going. I'm not." 

Sirius nodded. They sat silently until Megan called them in to set the table.

She put a hand on James cheek when she saw him. "Cheer up."

The command did little to help his mood. There was a commotion in the hall as Richard Potter came through the fireplace. He turned into the dining room, dusting soot from his suit shoulder. "Sirius. James." He nodded to each of them in turn. 

"Sir." "Dad." They addressed him back.

Megan came into the room carrying a large platter of meat. "How was your day, Richard?"

He approached her and kissed her forehead. "Fine, Meg." He began to sit at the head of the table, placing his briefcase next to his chair.

Megan moved to the table putting the platter in the center. She cleared her throat, looking right at her husband. "Oh," he looked down at his briefcase; "I'd best put this in the study, eh?"

She nodded her approval and he left the room. Sirius and James took their seats opposite each other. Sirius tried to catch James' eye, but the other boy was too preoccupied. He was staring at the lilies his mother had put on the table, gaining strength from them. When she sat down to his left, he smiled at her and her eyes sparkled as they did whenever she was very pleased with her boys.

Richard returned promptly and they each served themselves while Megan chattered about what was what. She made unnecessary apologies about the freshness of the vegetables and worried about whether there would be enough, but as always everything was delicious and she had outdone herself in quantity. 

"It's a new recipe," she said pointing to the green beans. "Try, Sirius, you'll like them." She piled the long stalks onto his plate. He smiled, despite the awkward mood at the table. This was a much more enjoyable way of being mothered he would never quite get used to.

They ate in silence, Megan trying to prompt conversation at first, and then giving up, she glared at Richard, helping him decide it was time to start talking.

He put down his fork. "The roast is lovely, Meg."

James agreed, "Really excellent, Mum."

She hid a pleased smile in her napkin.

Richard spoke again, "I had a visit from Dumbledore today."

James looked at his father evenly. 

"He came to me regarding a change in your grades."

James wanted to drop his gaze, but he was too proud.

"You got top marks in every subject."

Megan beamed, but said nothing. It seemed she had already heard the news.

James nodded, and stuck a bite of food into his mouth.

"Even Potions, James."

James looked across the table at Sirius, who appeared to be holding his breath. 

"Lily is quite brilliant at Potions," James said thoughtfully.

"Lily Evans?" his father asked.

Megan, who had begun clearing the table with her wand and getting ready for dessert, sent a plate flying into the doorframe. 

She stared at James, then looked between Sirius and the flowers on the table. "Lily!"

She reached over to ruffle Sirius' hair, "Dear sweet boy." She winked at him and turned to glower at her husband. "Why didn't you tell me you knew who she was?"

Richard looked confused, "Knew who who was?"

"Jamie's lady friend."

James groaned and Sirius choked on his wine. "Merlin Mum, please never say 'lady friend' again."

Megan rolled her eyes and brought a chocolate cake soaring in from the kitchen. It was James' favorite, and he knew she had baked it especially because she was proud of him. Her look said as much. Megan walked around the table to serve him a piece. As she did, she kissed James' forehead. "Well done, cariad," she whispered to him, slipping into her parents' native Welsh. James remembered his grandfather for a moment, an old man who called him bach no matter how old he was. 

Richard shook his head, "I thought she was his study partner."

"She is," James interrupted.

Megan smiled slyly, "Red hair?" Richard nodded. "Green eyes?" He nodded again. "Cute as a button," Sirius groaned. "I saw Jamie at King's Cross snogging someone who matches that description."

"Mum!" James threw Sirius a look daring him to laugh.

But Richard was the only one laughing, "She was quite taken with you when I spoke with her."

Megan gazed at her son who was finishing a slice of cake, "Well who wouldn't be? Such a handsome boy, I always said."

"That's it," James stood. "Mum thank you for a lovely dinner, Sirius and I are off to the pub."

Richard would normally have disapproved of Sirius and James' nightly drinking during the holidays, smiled at their youth, beginning to see his son in a new light. As Sirius went upstairs to change, he caught James alone in the hallway. "Son... you did very well."

James did not respond.

"If you want to stay at Hogwarts, and you keep this up next year, you can."

The boy nodded as his friend joined him at the door. 

"Sirius," Richard said, catching both boys' attention. "Dumbledore also wanted me to mention to you a missing gargoyle."

Sirius swallowed. "I don't know anything about that," he said a little too quickly. 

Richard nodded, "Perhaps if it shows up where it belongs, no one will bother finding out how it disappeared." Then, not knowing what else to do, gave them each a galleon. "Have fun."

James smiled at his father, genuinely for the first time in ages. "Thank you."

As the boys left, Richard returned to the dining room to be pumped for information by his wife, who wanted every detail from his encounter with Lily.

James and Sirius jogged down the path to the road leading into the village.

James was simultaneously bursting with joy and dread. 

Sirius voiced his thoughts for him. "How are you going to tell your mum Lily can't come to dinner?"

James kicked a stone in the road. "Maybe she'll just have to come." James imagined Lily and his mother sitting on the sofa, chatting, and though the thought was extremely frightening it also seemed right. "Maybe it won't be so bad."

Sirius laughed, "You're just going to owl her out of the blue, eh? And ask her to come to dinner because your mum thinks she's your girlfriend?"

He shrugged, remembering Sirius' ignorance to his relationship with Lily.

They had reached the tavern and pulled the door open to find the place packed. James looked at Sirius and they silently agreed the park would be better tonight.

After buying some beer at a Martha's store they walked through the heart of town to the park on the other side.

"I've been writing to her," James said suddenly.

Sirius took a swig from his bottle.

"We've been writing each other," James elaborated. "So it wouldn't be 'out of the blue.'"

Sirius' face was set. "So she is your girlfriend, then?"

James did not know and he said so.

Sirius finished his bottle and tossed it into the grass. He turned to look at James. "So she's messing with your head again."

James looked back at him. "Just cut that out, yeah? She's not messing with my head."

Sirius grunted, "Sure does sound like it though. Love letters without the promise of love?"

"I never said they were love letters."

"But they are, aren't they? One sided love, anyways."

James swished the remaining beer around in its jug. "It isn't one sided."

"You love each other, then?"

James shrugged and Sirius looked frustrated.

"Why can't you just pick someone else, James?"

James did not know how to explain what he felt to Sirius. "Why are you so threatened by her?"

"I'm not threatened by her."

"You're just acting like a prat."

"One of us has to," Sirius replied. "She's... she's just ruining everything."

James rolled his eyes at his mate's melodrama. "She hasn't ruined anything"

Sirius shook his head, "You just don't see how she's changed you. Following school rules? Top marks in Potions? When was the last time you hexed Snivelus?"

"That's not Lily's fault," James snapped. "It's yours. Why did I have to study this year? Oh, I don't know, maybe because my father blamed me for your bullocksed stunt."

Sirius' anger subsided for a moment as it was replaced with hurt and guilt. He did not look James in the eye, as he continued. 

"Yeah, I did change. I had to. I'm not a spoiled prat anymore. What a shame. So sorry. I had to grow up, because you didn't. And now you have to, too."

James leaned his head back, he did not understand Sirius at all. "I thought you liked her."

"I liked her when she was expendable."

Slowly, but with force, James asserted, "She's not expendable to me. She never was."

Sirius did not respond. Thoughts were racing through his head. It was the first time James had really blamed him for his father's attitude. Sure he had felt guilty about it anyway, but hearing it from James made it more real.

"Padfoot," James said, "You're not expendable either."

Sirius looked at James, his eyes heavy with unsaid apologies and frustration.

James put a hand on his friend's shoulder, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said all that."

Sirius shrugged off his hand, "It's fine; I had it coming. It's good to know how you really feel."

"Sirius..." James began, but the other boy had all ready begun walking away, towards the crowded pub. James stood where he was for a minute and then decided to just go home. He was already composing a letter in his head to Lily.

The next morning, James was up early. Well, not earlier than his parents, but earlier than Sirius. He ate some toast, while his mother was in the garden and snuck out the front door with his broom and invisibility cloak. Whistling for his owl, Quaffle, James held out a crust of bread in one hand and a letter in the other. When the bird approached, James gave his instructions and swept his cloak over his shoulders. He mounted his broom and flew steadily southwest across the Bristol Channel. James lived east of Cardiff, in a wizarding village so close to the border of Wales most visitors thought they had left England. He knew Lily lived in Cornwall, but he had no idea where. So tucking his cloak around him against the salty breeze, he followed his owl.

He arrived at a pleasant little house just before midday. Slipping off his cloak, and shrinking his broom, James deposited them both in to a knapsack he had brought with him. He watched Quaffle perch on a windowsill and tap the glass with his beak. James held his breath, but Lily did not come out. 

"Oy! Quaffle!" he called. The bird looked startled, but came towards him. James reached into his pack for a treat, traded his owl the snack for the letter, and sent him on his way.

James fluffed his hair unconsciously and walked up to the door. Had he been a less confident person, he would have steadied himself before knocking, but James Potter knew he was charming and never worried about meeting people. He knocked loudly and waited. And waited. No one answered. He squinted through the windows, against the glare of the bright sunshine. There was no one inside the front two rooms. The wind rustled the trees and James thought he heard laughter from somewhere. 

He backed off the porch looking towards the second floor. Moving to his left, James opened a little gate between Lily's house and the neighbor's and followed a path towards the back yard. The laughter became much louder and more obnoxious. As James rounded the corner of the house, he saw a group of somewhat larger people mixed in with people who looked slightly like Lily. One of the larger folk, a young girl who could not have been much younger than himself, saw him first. 

"Hi," she said smiling, "How can I help you?"

James smiled back, and the girl immediately blushed, "I'm looking for Lily."

Her smile faded as she replied, "She's my cousin in law. That's my cousin and his wife," the girl motioned to a man with no neck who James recalled Lily mentioning as her sister's husband, Vernon. Petunia was between him and the largest woman in the yard.

James nodded as the others turned to look at him, wondering who he was. But where was Lily? He thought. There was a bang at the top of the porch stairs as a screen door slammed shut and Lily, looking hot and frazzled, but pleased with herself nonetheless, came out carrying a pie. Wisps of hair escaped her bun and she had a smudge of flour across her cheek, but she looked lovely in her dirty apron.

She placed the pie in the middle of the table, looking up to see everyone's faces. They were all looking over her shoulder, so she turned to follow their gaze.

"James!" she cried, running to him. Her arms were around his neck before he could even respond. "What are you doing here?"

She pulled away from him, smiling.

"I had a letter for you," he said, dusting more flour from her hair.

"Why didn't you send an owl? How did you find my house?" the questions poured out of her mouth, but behind her the other girl coughed loudly.

"Oh!" Lily said, "James, this is Gertrude, and everyone. This is James." She called to the others.

Gertrude put out her hand, "Pleasure."

James shook it but remained focused on Lily, who was joined by a woman with graying red hair.

"Hallo, James," the woman said, "I'm Mary, Lily's mum. She just made us her famous blackberry pie, would you like a slice?"

"'Course I would," James replied following them back to the table. 

"So James," Mary began, "You and Lily go to school together?"

Petunia rather rudely and loudly began gathering people for a walk around the neighborhood. Lily rolled her eyes at her sister, as most of the others began to leave the table. Only Gertrude and a teenage boy remained as James replied, "Yes, that's right," accepting a piece of pie from Lily with a wink. The gesture was not lost on Lily's mother who chatted for a little while with James, and finding him quite a charming boy, discreetly excused herself, taking Gertrude and Humphrey with her.

Lily sat next to James, unsure of herself. Her worlds were colliding and all she wanted to do was kiss him.

He leaned over his chair and pulled a letter from the bag at his feet. "Read it later, love."

She nodded, tucking it into her pocket. She had removed the apron to reveal a v-neck that James was finding incredibly distracting.

James looked at his watch and stood, "I've got to go."

Lily sighed, standing also. She led him around the house to the narrow side alley he had come through before. "What are you really doing here?"

He stopped, and smiled at her. "I needed to see you."

She leaned against the side of her house, reaching her hand out to him. He accepted and she pulled him into the shade the roof provided. Their faces were close for only a second before their proximity was capitalized on. James groaned as Lily slipped her tongue into his mouth and tangled her fingers through his thick hair. He pressed against her drinking her in.

After a few minutes, their pace slowed and Lily spoke quietly, "I needed to see you, too."

James looked into her gleaming eyes. Emerald didn't even begin to describe them. "My mum saw us at King's Cross."

Lily blushed.

"She wants you," he kissed her, "to come," he kissed her again, "to dinner."

He pulled back, looking at her, his thumb tracing circles on the skin underneath her shirt. His other hand rubbed her lower back. 

"James," she said quietly before his mouth covered hers again. 

Lily could feel her bun coming undone, and her knees were buckling under her. If James had not been pushing her against the brick, she would not have been standing.

More time passed before James regained control of himself. He put his hands on the wall, on either side of her face; looking down at the ground, he took a few deep breaths. 

"I'd love to." She said, panting slightly.

He grinned for a second, but looked away from her. "Sirius will be there."

Lily's brow furrowed, "Is that a problem?"

James nodded and stepped away from her back into the sunshine. "Read the letter, and then let me know."

Lily grabbed his arm, before he turned. 

"I'm coming any way."

He smiled at her, cocking his head to the side. "'Course you are."

They walked to the gate and around to the front of the house, hand in hand. 

"I... I don't think I can go this long again... Without seeing you, I mean," Lily said as he pulled his cloak and broom from his bag.

He put his hand on her neck, tilting her face up. "You won't."

He kissed her again. Checking around them, he swung the cloak around himself. Lily felt him behind her. "My mum loves blackberry." He said, "You should bring one of those delicious pies."

She felt him back up and imagined she heard him resize and mount his broom. She knew he was gone even though she could not see him. Reaching for her back pocket, Lily pulled out the parchment he had given her and grinned. She looked up just in time to see Petunia's scowling face disappear from the front window. That wiped the smile from her lips.

She wasn't smiing the evening of her big dinner either. Lily had butterflies in her stomach as she sat on the top step of her front porch, blackberry pie perched securely in her lap. Although only one was present now, she had made four-judging the first three unfit. This one, with it's latticed top crust and rich purple filling, looked spectacular. She tapped the sides of the dish, wiggled her toes inside of her shoes, and leaned her head back, taking a deep breath. 

She had not expected to be this nervous. Scanning the sky, she wondered if the clouds moving north would hinder James' route. Once again she worried for the sake of her pie on the back of James' broom, but how else would she get to his house?

From inside, Lily heard her mother's startled cry and then, though it did not seem possible, she heard James' calming voice giving some sort of explanation.

Lily rushed inside of her house, the welfare of her pie dissolving like the last straggling cloud in the storm system she had just been watching. In her living room, James was gesturing to the fireplace with one hand and shaking her mother's arm apologetically with the other.

"Ah! Lily," he said spotting her. She tried not to sneeze as he embraced her. 

"Lily!" Her mother exclaimed, one hand over her heart. "James arrived through the fireplace! And he means for you to do the same!"

Lily turned to James for confirmation, for some reason unable to form words in his sooty presence. 

"My father pulled some strings and had you connected to the Floo Network for the evening."

Lily found her voice and wondered, "Is that even legal? How could you get that done?"

James grinned cheekily, "My family has some clout, Lily."

After an awkward silence, he steered her towards her own fireplace. 

"Ready?"

She gulped, called "Bye mum" over her shoulder, and clutched her precious pie.

James threw some powder into the flames, whispered their destination in her ear and nudged her forward.

"Maenllwyd!" she cried, letting the smoke consume her.

A moment later she found herself disoriented, stumbling out of a much larger fireplace. In fact this fireplace was more like a doorframe, and instead of being in the living room, it was in a hallway. Checking her pie, she waited for James, hoping she had come to the right place. The name of his house seemed quite strange to her. When he came through the fire-way behind her, she let out a sigh she had not known she was holding.

James smiled when he saw her, taking the pie from her arms and placing it on a tall table. 

"My mum's in the kitchen," he nodded towards a door, wrapping his arms around her. Lily, needing to feel reassured, kissed him.

Before long she felt James weight as he tried to back her up, but she stood her ground.

"You can't keep pushing me against walls," she said pulling away from him and righting herself.

"Why not?" he asked as she maneuvered around him to regain her pastry.

Lily changed the subject, "What was that I said to get here?"

James leaned back on his heels, "Maenllywd? It means 'Greystones'-my mum's hopeless."

At the mention of his mother, James took Lily's arm and began pulling her in the direction he had previously nodded to. They passed a few rooms that James named but Lily ignored. Smells and noises from the kitchen were becoming stronger and her heart was throbbing in her stomach. 

Finally they emerged in the dining room. The large table was set with shining silver and candles that reflected off the glossy wood surface.

"Mum?" James called. Through a swing door next to a well-stocked cabinet of china Lily heard a shriek much like that of her own mother earlier. In an instant the same rosy woman she had seen at King's Cross came bustling out of the kitchen, arms stretched wide. James rescued the pie form Lily's arms as his mother embraced her tightly. 

"Lily! You must call me Megan. Have a seat in the living room, I've got to get back to the chicken. Jamie! Get your hand away from that bowl. Is that a pie? How lovely! Blackberry, my favorite! I mean it, Jamie!" Megan Potter whirled about asking questions and issuing commands faster than Lily could take them in. Soon her pie was on a pedestal on a side table, James was leading her back the way they had come as his mother had disappeared into the kitchen again.

As Lily sat on the couch she paled, "I don't think I said anything. Your mother is going to think I'm so rude."

James laughed, "She's too excited to notice anything. You are the first girl I've brought home," he paused not wanting to lie and qualified his statement, "to meet her."

"Oh really, Jamie?" she asked making him cringe.

Sitting side by side, Lily finally found a moment to ask James about the events of his letter.

"So have you and Sirius talked?"

James did not meet her eyes, but shook his head. He sighed, mussed up his hair, and shook his head again. "We- it's like... I don't know. But my mum has been trying to find out what's going on. He's been out a lot lately, but not with Remus, so... I don't know anymore."

Finally he looked at her, and she gave him a sympathetic smile, unsure of what to say. He leaned in, sliding his fingers through her hair.

"Jamie!" Megan called from the kitchen.

James did not move for a moment, but Lily pushed him up.

"I'll be right back."

She nodded. Lily ran her fingers over the couch pillows, playing with the fringe as she studied the room. She had always known James was well off, but the grandeur of his house impressed her with a feeling of inadequacy.

"Nice isn't it?"

Lily nodded, and stood to turn towards Sirius. He was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed, scowling.

She moved to hug him, but he stepped away.

"It's really good to see you," Lily offered.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "This is you winning, Evans. Stop being so fake."

Lily clenched her fists. "You know, Sirius, you have some real problems."

His eyes widened with sarcasm, "Oh do I?"

"Just stop being a prat and be nice."

"Remind me why I should be nice to you. Is it because you brainwashed and stole my best friend?"

"I'm your friend too, Sirius."

"Thanks, I'll pass." He turned to leave.

She closed her eyes as she spoke. "I didn't steal James, you pushed him away."

Sirius turned back to her, "What do you know about it? You haven't lived here this week; you haven't heard Meg humming about grandchildren."

Lily looked away. "We're just dating, why is everyone making such a big deal?"

Sirius laughed bitterly, "Because we all know James-"

"Dinner's ready!" Megan called.

Lily tried to move past Sirius into the hall, but he caught her arm. "--a lot better than you."

"I never doubted that," she whispered back, before marching into the dining room to find James carrying a platter of chicken and his own preoccupied frown. Sirius arrived a few moments after her. The boys moved around each other staying as far apart as they could. When Sirius went in to the kitchen to help with the other dishes, Lily turned to James.

"What's wrong?"

He shook his head and pulled out a chair for her, motioning her into its seat.

Megan and Sirius came from the kitchen once more, arms laden with bread, cheese, and vegetables.

James helped his mother with her own seat and then returned to the chair on Lily's other side. The two of them sat opposite Sirius, staring at each other like two teams on the pitch before a match. 

"Jamie's father is going to be late," Megan stated slightly irritably. Lily thought she heard a muttered "as usual" but could not be sure.

"It all looks delicious," she attempted, smiling politely. The mood at the table was strained at best. Even Megan was preoccupied. Lily could barely endure the silence during the serving-and after was not much better. James and Sirius contributed nothing save the scrape of knives and clatter of forks. She looked around the room desperately trying to find something to talk about.

"I love--" she began at the same moment Megan tried, "So, Lily--"

They both stopped to let the other continue. Lily smiled awkwardly, "Go ahead."

Megan smiled back, with such warmth Lily almost forgot about the sulking boys at the table with them. "Jamie tells us you are a candidate for Head Girl."

Lily nodded, "It's been a goal of mine for some time."

"Well, congratulations."

A commotion in the hall called everyone's attentions, and Lily took it as an opportunity to kick James in the foot.

"Ow!"

"Help me!" she pleaded.

James nodded as his father walked into the room, smiling apologetically at his wife, who glared at him pointedly.

"Hallo, Lily, pleasure to see you again."

"You too, sir."

The distraction lasted until Mr. Potter had finished piling food onto his plate and then the company settled back into quiet reserve. Per Lily's request, James tried a few different subjects, but nothing lasted very long. When his parents went into the kitchen to clear the dishes for dessert and fight about Richard being late, Lily turned to James.

"This is a massacre."

James placed his napkin in front of him, "It's not that bad, love." He smoothed her hair unreassuringly with the arm he had resting on the back of her chair, but did not meet her eyes. Sirius groaned. 

"I'm trying to keep my dinner down."

"Shut it, Sirius. You don't need to be here," James snapped a little unnecessarily from Lily's point of view. During dinner it had been evident that James' frustration was building, while Sirius sat calmly reserved to whatever it was that was happening around Lily without her knowledge.

"James, that was uncalled for."

Sirius put out a hand, "Please, Evans, I don't need you to defend me."

"I asked you for one simple thing, Richard!" came an outburst from the kitchen.

Sirius rose, throwing his napkin down on the table. "I doubt anyone will mind if I miss the dessert course."

James stood as well. "So you're just taking off then?"

Sirius shrugged, "Like I said, I doubt-"

"I heard what you said." James' anger was apparent, and Lily sensed she was not aware of the full details to this situation.

"He's what?" Richard cried from the kitchen before coming back into the dining room, followed closely by his wife. Lily, the only person still sitting, felt drastically out of place in this unknown domestic situation. Richard looked at his son's best friend, who had become a staple in their home more than ever this last year. "Sirius, you're leaving?" 

The boy nodded, his dark hair falling into his eyes. "I don't belong here."

Megan held her hands over her heart, "Of course you do, dear."

Sirius brushed the hair from his face, "But not indefinitely. I have to go."

Lily, still unaware, offered, "You could stay, and have some pie."

James went over the pastry. Picking it up defensively he shook his head, "No, let him go."

They stared each other down: Sirius' wand hand twitching, James with anger set in his jaw.

"He's leaving," James reiterated, stressing his words with unnamable, uncontrollable emotion. Suddenly everything changed as Lily realized the impact of those two words. Sirius was leaving-leaving. He was moving out. She watched as he tried to push past James, knocking forcefully into his shoulder. Her pie lost balance in the momentary conflict and plummeted to the ground. The dish shattered with spectacular clarity of sound and as if in slow motion, James turned and punched Sirius in the jaw. The room was mayhem as both parents tried to pull their boys apart. 

"Stop it!" Lily screamed, finally standing, poetically accompanied by a crack of thunder. All movement in the room ceased, as James magically held by his mother and Sirius physically held by Richard looked at her, surprised.

"That is quite enough."

Both boys freed themselves from the restraints of parental hands and wands. And Sirius turned on his heel and left the room. As he stormed down the hall, James followed, yelling bitterly.

"When we you going to tell me, huh? By owl from you Uncle's?"

Lily went with them into the passage. The second she had taken action she knew she belonged here somehow. 

James threw his arms up, Sirius stood frozen with his hand on the doorknob.

"You were just going to tell my mum and leave?"

Sirius did not move.

"After all I--we've done for you?"

That time Sirius acknowledged him by opening the door and walking out into the rain.

But James was still on the attack. Lily grasped his hand to try to keep him in the house, but he shook her off, slamming the door behind him.

She stood facing it, trembling. "Bugger it," she muttered, opening the door a third time and stepping into the night. Her vision was blurred by the streaming water, causing her to squint, but a flash of lightening showed her the way. James and Sirius were standing to the side of the house, near what would normally be described as a coach house. Inside, Sirius was throwing off the black cover of his motorcycle. James stood at the door; even with the rain plastering down his wild hair, he seemed unencumbered by the forces of nature around him.

"James!" Lily yelled, dodging puddles down the path towards them.

James did not hear her; he was listening to something Sirius was saying. Lily only caught the end of it.

"-not because of her! Because of you!"

James threw his head back into the wind, laughing, "Me? You are leaving because of me?"

Sirius nodded, wheeling his bike out of the shop. "You don't need me here anymore."

James looked down, dripping heavily. It was hard to say if he had been crying; whatever trace of tears he may have shed had been dissolved by the many paths of rain trickling around his nose and mouth.

"I thought we were brothers," he stammered almost too quietly for Lily to catch.

"We are."

Sirius put his hand on James' shoulder, "I was never going to stay here forever, James. It's time for me to go."

James moved away, trudging past an equally sopping Lily, into the house. 

Lily was left with Sirius, who was mounting his bike and gearing up for his departure. She half ran towards him, yelling over the roar of its engine.

"This was never about me, was it?"

For the first time that evening, a kind smile played on his lips, "Head Girl is finally catching on."

Lily watched as bike and rider rose into the air, against the flow of rain pounding her to the earth.

When she reentered the house, she found Megan and James talking quietly in the hall. James' mother moved towards her, after the door closing alerted them to her presence.

The older woman took Lily's hands in her own. "It's a shame about the pie... and the evening as a whole... I'll owl you about tea next week. Just the girls," she leaned in conspiratorially, "Less drama that way." 

After a quick embrace, Lily said her thanks and went to stand with James beside the monstrous fireplace. As Megan went up the stairs, James said softly, "Stay."

Lily wanted to reach out and hold him, but she understood Sirius' intentions. James had to accept his life. So she shook her head "no" and reached for the Floo powder.

James crossed his arms insolently, "So you're leaving me, too."

Lily rolled her eyes, "No one has left you. Stop being a git and man up, James. This is your home. You don't need anyone acting as a buffer for you."

She caught his eyes as she stepped into the flames, and nodded reassuringly. He held up a hand in acknowledgment, and watched her disappear.

Lily slept late the next morning, but it took her days to wake up from that night. She floated around like a lazy cloud, dreaming outside of herself. James' influence on her life was like an intoxicating fantasy and it was not until she saw him in the pub a few days later that she left her mind and felt her body awake again.

The four boys were a familiar sight, laughing and talking over beers at the bar. Lily tried to let her nervousness subside and pushed through the crowd towards them. Remus saw her first.

She smiled and hugged him, "It's great to see you!"

Remus agreed and motioned with his head at James and Sirius, a much different dynamic than the one she had witnessed last time she had seen them,

"I facilitated a reconciliation involving some gargoyle drama." He explained how Sirius had needed help replacing a statue in Hogwarts. Sirius asked Remus on the top-secret mission, but sensing a place for manipulation, Remus guilted James into going in his place.

"Ballsy," Lily congratulated him. "What if they had been childish and gotten into more trouble?"

Remus shrugged, "Nothing like a good, long, joint detention to heal wounds."

Lily laughed, "I see you speak from experience."

He grinned, "Let's get you a drink!"

He guided her closer to the others.

"Lily!" Sirius called, "We're celebrating!"

"I can see that," she replied, hopping onto the only stool she could find. The place was packed and most people were standing, pressing themselves against the wooden ledge, trying to get the attention of the bartender. The heat in the pub was overwhelming, and Lily removed her jacket-underneath of which was a much more revealing tank than her classic school uniform. 

James looked at her, his eyes gliding over her bar shoulders and neck, only taking his gaze elsewhere when he encountered Remus' wolfish stare.

"I saw her first," he quipped to his friend. James pressed his chest against her back, leaning towards the bar. "Let me buy you a drink." Money in hand, he scanned for the server.

"Two shots and five more beers," he called.

"Shots?" Lily asked.

James grinned, "You've got some catching up to do."

An hour and one mishap where Lily fell off of her stool later, the red head found herself yelling over her boys, "Let's go dancing!"

Sirius looked at her point blank, "No."

"But I'm a really good dancer," she assured him, getting up and twirling, unknowingly being spotted by Remus.

"See?" she finished spinning, still spinning.

Sirius laughed. "Cheers," he said to Remus, clinking their bottles together. He downed the remaining beer and held his hands out to Lily.

Laughing and whirling with Sirius, Lily found herself confessing loudly over the noisy crowd, "I told James to man up!"

"I know!" Lily spun away from Sirius, momentarily losing hold of his hand. A moment later her face was in his shoulder, his dark hair the only thing she could she. 

"Do you think he's mad at me?" she asked, but it was not Sirius she was talking to. James was holding her hand and her waist, smiling down at her. 

"I think he'll get over it."

A/N So. This is the last of the old chapters. I'll be finishing and posting the new one soon, though this is perhaps the end of chapter-a-day updates... 


	13. Chapter 12ish

In the Cards...

I'm Head Girl, I'm Head Girl, I'm Head Girl, I'm Head Girl...

She had been silently chanting the three-word mantra for days willing herself to believe it. Admittedly though, there were a few substitutions that had cut into her rhythm. Lily shook her head in an attempt to focus. She wiped her palms on her trousers, one at a time so as to maintain the trolley she was pushing. Then, with both hands gripping the handle, she ran straight through the divider at Platform 9 3/4. 

Departures for Lily had always been calmer than arrivals; she always made sure to be early to the train station. Her last year at Hogwarts was no exception, especially with the badge sparkling on her chest even in her muggle clothes. Lily walked through the near empty platform, scanning the few other early arrivals and their anxious mothers. She headed directly for the front of the train, smiling at the students she passed and watching with pleasure as their eyes slid to the golden beacon pinned to her shirt.

I'm Head Girl, I'm Head Girl, I'm Head Girl, James Head Boy?

The thought made Lily jump. As she had done so many times in the last weeks, she pressed her concern away, deep down inside of herself where it would hopefully be consumed by one of her less useful organs. James. Head Boy. How could they be the same? One was her renegade boyfriend, and the other was her - for lack of a better word-business partner. Head Boy was supposed to help her plan programs the week before term started. James had been gallivanting around Spain for the last few weeks. The last time she had seen him was an embarrassing incident involving his parents walking in on them snogging half naked. That was not how she wanted to be seen with the Head Boy.

Hauling her luggage into the train, Lily began to navigate the dark corridor. Pulling open the door of the very first compartment, she let out a squeal. Light flooded a stall that Lily was convinced was bigger and better than the other little cabinets. Successfully storing her bags, Lily climbed back down to ground level and set to introducing herself and offering service to her subjects-erm, the other students, she corrected herself. 

Before long the peaceful platform was swarming with passengers, families, and friends. As a model spokesperson, Lily was too busy reassuring a group of first years' parents to see the group of lads who had come barreling rowdily through the porthole. As Head Girl, though, no ruckus could avoid her detection for long.

"We're seventh years, chaps!" Sirius roared, gliding on a trolley, hands in the air.

James, who was riding their trunks, whooped gaily as they narrowly avoided crushing a second year.

Remus tried to navigate his cart while checking out a group of female admirers, but failed splendidly sending both his wheeled apparatus and Peter's into Sirius and James' unbalanced vehicle.

As Lily's chaos meter rose rapidly, she excused herself from the worried faces of her support group.

The boys managed to orchestrate their collision close enough to the entrance of the platform that unsuspecting people coming in from the other side were derailed immediately and added to the growing pile of people, carts, and luggage that sprawled the ground.

Lily waved her wand, righting trolleys and people alike, ushering them on their way. Remus helped her once he recovered his own belongings, but the other Marauders were useless, impaired by laughter.

Once the mess was cleared and people were once again safely making for the train, James, Sirius and Peter approached Lily and Remus.

"Lily!" Sirius exclaimed, opening his arms.

She put out a hand to stop him and glared at James, who was smiling widely at her. "I haven't seen you in weeks."

James did not falter. "I've been in Spain; you know that."

Lily's foot began tapping without her control. "We've had business to discuss."

James' smile faded, Sirius let out a low whistle and Remus motioned for Peter to follow him. Left alone, James took a step closer to Lily. He leaned in to speak softly.

"Business only?"

Her foot continued to tap, "This isn't a joke James."

He retreated slightly, looking hungrily over her body. His eyes lingered on her chest, but Lily did not think it was to look at her badge.

"We need to have a serious talk about what I need from you." 

He was no longer looking at her, but inspecting the crowds around them, feigning distraction. His jaw was set, his eyes cold. Just as she feared, his first assumption was that she didn't support his new position.

Lily put her hand on his waist, scrunching his shirt between her fingers, turning him to look at her. "As both Head Boy, and boyfriend."

A grin spread slowly across his features, "I've missed you." He leaned in again, kissing her cheek.

Lily smiled, pulling away, and preparing her orders. "Bags go in the front compartment, now is not the time to roughhouse with your mates. Find some students to help, prefects to boss, or parents to shmooze." 

James nodded, turning to go, but Lily called after him, "And for Merlin's sake, put on your bloody badge!"

In half an hour, the train had cleared the platform and Lily and James finally had a few minutes to themselves. Just the two of them, the front compartment certainly felt spacious. They sat on opposite benches, sizing each other up. 

"This is going to be complicated," Lily began. "And I don't want you to think I wish you weren't Head Boy... it's just... You've already missed meetings."

James looked startled, "How? We just got on the train 5 minutes ago."

"I've been working on things for weeks..." 

"While I've been on holiday?" James finished for her when she did not meet his gaze. "Love, my parents took me because they were so proud. And we were finally all getting along."

Lily shook her head, "As your girlfriend, I think that is great. I really do." She reached out for his hand, "But as you counterpart in the organization of the student body, activities, and regulations, I'm annoyed that I've been working without a partner."

"I'm sorry?" he offered, "Look when we get to school, I'll make it up to you. After dinner, swear. I'll do double whatever my first duty is."

Pleased with himself, James stood and made for the door. 

"Where are you going?"

He smiled, pulling his arms through his robes. "Traditional train exploding snap tournament."

Lily shook her head. "No, James."

"Pardon?"

"Your 'first duty' doesn't start when we get to school, or after dinner. You are on duty now. You are on duty while you eat. You are on duty weekends."

"Weekends?"

Exasperation sunk Lily's shoulders. "Do you even know what this job entails?"

James laughed, "It's a position, not a job. And I'm sure it can't be that hard."

Lily's eyebrows shot up, her hands settled on her hips, warning James to prepare himself.

"Not that hard? I've busted my ass for this 'position.' Remus busted his ass for it, and you got it."

James' head cocked to the side, "Is that it then? You think I should give this to Remus?" He pulled his pin forward, stretching his shirt.

"That's not what I meant."

An icy smile began on James' face, "But you'd prefer that, yeah? So as to keep me separate from the important things in your life."

Lily's brow furrowed, "What are you on about?"

James paced to the window, "Whatever, just tell me what I have to do. I'm here now. And I can do this." He moved towards her, "Just tell me what to do."

Lily resisted the urge to pull him close to her. "Has Remus told you about what he does as a prefect?"

James nodded.

Lily sighed, "Well for now, on the train, we'll start with that."

She reached for her own robe, stowed above her seat. She stood yanking it down for a few moments before James came to her aid. Inches apart she continued, "I know why Dumbledore chose you."

James looked directly into her face, "It should have been Remus... but he-- he can't have all that attention."

He stopped moving and she tangled her fingers into his hair, shaking her head in disagreement. "You will be just and fair and help people. And I will help you with the administrative rubbish until you can do it on you own."

James shrugged, but did not move out of their intimate proximity.

"Listen to me, James. Dumbledore did not look over Remus because of controversy. Look at me."

"What do you mean?"

Lily hesitated, "I'm a muggle born."

James shook his head, "That's different. Only a few people care-"

"-- more than a few James." She cut him off and bit her lip. 

James was about to press her further when the compartment door opened. 

Clara Abbott stepped inside pointing at each of them respectively, "Working Hard and Hardly Working... what a pair. You've been hiding in here quite a while. Stage fright, Lily? Job too much for you?" Her jealous eyes flickered to James, "Head Boy too distracting?"

"Clara! How quaint!" Lily glanced at the Prefect badge that bore a dull shine on Claire's front, while stroking the soft polished metal of her own. "You're still a prefect. Good for you! I was just hoping someone would volunteer to check every compartment after disembarkation at Hogsmeade to make sure the train is empty. It'll mean you'll probably miss most of dinner, but thanks! You are such a dear."

Lily brushed passed the Ravenclaw and James followed her into the hall.

"I'll start at the back and make my way up," she called.

James agreed smiling, while she warned, "If you sneak off rounds to hang with your friends like Remus usually does, I will know."

After checking to make sure everyone was settled and disrupting three small disputes, Lily and James found themselves riding most of the way not in their prestigious frontward compartment but in the middle of the train with the other Seventh years. 

Greeting old friends and sharing excitement for their last year, the train-ride passed quickly. Lily had owled all the new prefects instructions so the trip from train to castle went smoothly. To the untrained eye, dinner went smoothly as well, but Lily was all too aware of scrutiny from not only the Slytherin table. Resentment of her placement had spread quickly amongst many of the pureblood families. But she held her head high, hoping James did not notice the sneers and comments she provoked.

Lily arranged for James to manage the after feast castle rounds, knowing with the Marauder's Map in hand he could maintain unfathomable strictness. As he left the common room, he looked at her with a mixed expression.

"We'll talk tomorrow."

She nodded.

That night, students realized that the reign of James Potter as Head Boy was not going to be the second coming they imagined. Not one person was able to sneak out of their dorm with out being caught. James appeared around corners, from shadows, at the top of stairs. He appeared from nowhere. Even students who considered themselves experts could not escape him. It was if, they said, he could watch their every move somehow. 

Lily avoided James and the others as best she could in the morning, but there was one thing she could not avoid: the mail. As she sat down to her morning toast and jam, Lily idly watched the owls swoop into the Hall. She had missed the elegance of this practice and smiled inwardly. Then a howler dropped onto her plate. And another fell to the side of her fork. A third splashed into her pumpkin juice. And another and another and another. Lily froze, unable to react. Her area of the table was littered with mail. A hush spread through the room as students of all ages waited to hear from the dozens of red envelopes. One by one they burst open, roaring over each other in an incomprehensible chaos. The howler in her glass gargled along with the rest. Over the howls Lily was able to make out a few words. 

"Mudblood!-Undeserving whore!-Filth!"

She sat speechless, unaware of James at her side urging her to get up.

"Lil, come on. Let's go," he said taking her arm. He led her passed staring eyes, away from the hateful screams and jeers. Her glassy eyes registered Remus and Sirius shoving some sixth year Slytherins, and Peter had taken it up with a particularly snobbish Hufflepuff. 

Once in the entryway, James sat Lily down on the steps of the great stairway, kneeling in front of her. He searched her blank face and spoke to her, but she could not hear. Her ears were ringing and her mind was repeating a new mantra, influenced by the mailing. Behind James, a few professors had come to check on her. She saw him shrugging at Slughorn, who looked at her with concern. 

"James." He turned to her, even though she could not make out her own words. She may have been yelling, or whispering, it was hard to say.

"You have to go back in there. Or I do. One of us needs to keep control."

If he tried to protest, she did not hear. Lily closed her eyes, her head pounding. She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up into Slughorn's face. Standing unsteadily, she went with him to his office. The room was familiar and comforting; she sank into a chair. At his desk Slughorn was scribbling on a scrap of parchment. He held it in front of her. "Reaudiserum" it read. Lily nodded, her memory recalling the potion she had memorized for one of their exams.

Slughorn pointed to the clock and smiled apologetically. He was late for class. Lily waved him off, indicating it was fine for him to leave. He'd send someone up with the brew, he pantomimed. She nodded again and closed her eyes. It was not silence that plagued her, but something louder than the din she experienced in the Great Hall. 

After a while, Lily felt another hand on her shoulder. She opened her eyes, face to face with Severus Snape. It was hard to see through his unemotional features, but Lily thought a trace of sorrow escaped his stony expression. He handed her a cup of steaming purple liquid. 

"Thank you," her voice cracked.

Severus nodded. He stood in the middle of the room, unsure of whether he should sit and stay or just leave. 

Lily stared at the drink, willing herself to take a sip. As much as she wanted the ringing to cease, the isolation she was experiencing seemed to be keeping her emotions at bay.

Snape stood, rigid as a royal guard. He watched her in silence, but his continued presence spoke for him. Lily brought the glass to her lips, but did not swallow. Her motion finally seemed to break Severus from his reverie. He came towards her, his mouth moving rapidly with speech. He must have been saying something important; the urgency in his features was apparent. Lily shook her head, pointing to her ears. He smiled slightly, mouthing plainly "I know."

Lily began to down the liquid, eager to hear what he had told her. But before she could finish, the confusing young man swished from the room. The first noise she heard clearly again was the sound of Slughorn's heavy office door thudding shut. 

After a while, the door opened again and Slughorn came gracefully into the room followed by Professor Dumbledore. The round man looked pleased to have such great company as the older man and set to making tea right away. Dumbledore passed Lily a small cup, analyzing her through the thin rims of his glasses.

He began slowly, "I'm sorry about this morning."

"It's fine."

He sighed, "Unfortunately, I have no control over the mail system."

Lily understood. "I should really get back."

The two men exchanged glances. 

"I can't-hide in here all day." 

Dumbledore smiled, "It's not in you to hide. That's why I chose you, Miss Evans."

Standing, she smoothed her skirt. Unconsciously straightening her badge, she thanked them both and set off for class, ignoring every head that turned to judge her mental state on the way.

She slipped into the seat next to Remus in Runes. His eyebrows questioned her, so she squeezed his arm in answer. As she settled in to taking notes, he began to fill her in.

"Sirius has a brilliant black eye." He seemed to sense that she was listening, though she did not respond. "Peter gave Roger a bloody nose." His quill scratched across the parchment on his desk. "James..." he seemed to grapple with hurt and pride, "Is an excellent Head Boy... He handled it perfectly. Stopped fights, took points, refused to be provoked. Kept a level head, organized the prefects... he even escorted some terrified first years to class." 

Lily's breathing had become heavy and rapid. She had let her doubts about James get the better of her the day before. The influence of his past had overwhelmed her. When no one else saw what he had in him, she had brought it out. She knew he'd be great. And he had been. 

Lily sat with the girls at lunch. She felt guilty about the summer: she had barely seen Kate even though she had promised to go out to her lake house. The plans were never realized, partly-- mostly-- because of the amount of time Lily had spent with James and the boys. At first the girls treated Lily delicately, but soon they shifted back to normal. Lily sat quietly, laughing with them at times. She was disappointed to see that Olivia and Kate had become quite close. 

"Liv's got a house on the same lake as us," Kate explained. Perhaps she imagined Olivia's triumphant smile.

"That's really great," Lily said weakly, as they began recounting tales that were really only meant for those who had experienced them. 

A shadow covered Lily's half eaten sandwich and the cool scent of James' cologne filed her lungs. 

"Lily."

She looked over her shoulder, up into his dark face. He motioned with his head for her to come with him. She did.

"You did a great job today, James. Really."

They began walking to the basement. 

"I'm not coming to you as Head Boy. I'm coming to you as someone who cares about you."

"I'm fine."

He didn't argue with her. He opened the door for her and they began the descent into the damp air. 

"I haven't seen you in weeks."

"You saw me yesterday."

"I saw Lily Evans Head Girl yesterday. I didn't see you."

They stood facing each other in the empty classroom. Lily's eyes wandered over the cauldrons and worktables, a sense of ease coming over her. 

"Are you seeing me now?" she asked pulling on his belt loops.

He licked his lips, "We don't have to do that. Not after... we can just talk."

"I don't want to talk."

His hands stroked her neck, despite his words, "We should, though... we should... talk."

"This is all I have to say right now," she kissed him deeply, forgetting weeks of frustration at the absence of his touch. "Do you have anything to add?"

James nodded, pulling her closer. As the clamor of students coming to join them began to bounce off the walls, Lily stumbled out of James' grasp and started sorting ingredients. She could feel his eyes warming her back, while others filled the room, but it was the eyes of Severus Snape that caught her own and sent a chill down her spine.

Days later she would learn that only Sirius had witnessed that transaction. He was waiting outside of the classroom where James and Lily had been holding their first Prefect meeting. As Lily wrapped up patrol schedules and offers from those willing to go over disciplinary reports, she noticed Sirius pacing in the hall. 

Once the room had cleared slightly, Sirius crossed the threshold. Automatically, Lily, James, Remus and he formed a cluster for private discussion. 

"Peter told me to tell you he's in the library," Sirius relayed to Remus, who was busily packing his bag full of parchment and books.

"Are you coming to quidditch, then?" James asked his mate.

Sirius shook his head, and Lily shifted her feet awkwardly. James and Remus left quickly off to their respective engagements. 

"Walk with me," he commanded.

Lily concealed her apprehension with a smile. She had been hiding behind the hollow gesture more and more, but it seemed to be fooling everyone. 

"Snape is one of them."

"What?" His words had surprised her. She was expecting a lecture on not pushing James away.

Sirius twirled his wand while he walked. "Snape, he's with them. With Voldemort."

"Who is Voldemort?"

His voice was tense, "A wizard, rallying people against mixed magic. Those letters you get everyday, they're from his followers... and Snape is one of them."

Lily's nails dug into her palms. She tried to keep her voice nonchalant. "How do you know?"

"I was born with some less than legit connections," he said along with a sideways glance.

As they stepped into the common room, Sirius tried to offer her a friendly ear. But once more she denied help, stating yet again how fine she was. Sirius watched her escape to the girls' dorm, then turned to his own staircase. For now he would let her deal with this on her own.

But as September turned into October and Lily became less and less involved with her life, he decided it was time to do something. One night, when winter darkness was settling in earlier and earlier, Sirius was waiting for James in their room after practice. Remus greeted James as he entered the room but as Sirius rose from his bed ominously James forgot to respond.

"Something is up with Lily, Jim."

"Obviously," James replied, removing his robes. "She receives daily threats on her life and she won't admit it."

Sirius tossed his friend a towel, "She's trying to look strong, but she doesn't even come down to breakfast anymore."

Standing at the bathroom door, James stared at Sirius. "Trust me. I know." 

"And what are you doing about it? Besides snogging her constantly?"

James replied by slamming the door. Peter looked at Sirius, "Is that how you intended it to go?"

As the hot water and steam surrounded him, James reflected on Sirius' words. He had caught Lily staring at Severus Snape again today. But while she was retreating farther into herself, their physical relationship was speeding up. They had been getting closer and closer, and James knew that any day now they wouldn't stop and he would finally experience Lily as he had always dreamed. Yet whatever it was that was pushing her forward was beginning to hold him back. As much as he liked- loved- the passionate time they spent together, Sirius was right: Lily was using it as an escape. 

Once in dry clothes, he stated his resolution to the others. 

"I'm going to talk to Lily."

Remus stared at him, "Are you expecting applause?"

"Shut it, Moony," James said leaving the room. He found Lily secluded in the common room. She caught his eyes and nodded, eager for a rendezvous. 

As of late, James and Lily frequently found themselves in need of privacy, and had taken to meeting in the broom shed of the pitch. Due to the nature of their get-togethers, it was not very difficult to fight off the cold.

As they stepped into the musty hut Lily immediately pulled James into her body, reversing their roles and pressing him against the dusty wall. Although he was intending to skip this part of their encounter, James gave in to his urges. She kissed him harder and harder, and he could not help sliding his hands up under her shirt and skirt, simultaneously. When Lily broke away from him to unbutton her shirt, his muddled mind cleared enough for him to take a step back.

"No, we need to talk."

Lily groaned, "I hate talking." She grabbed at him, but he evaded her hands, holding his own up in a sign of retreat. 

"You can't keep practicing sexual terrorism on me."

"Sexual terrorism?" she tried the words out with some confusion.

James gripped his hair with both hands, "I- you... We need more than this." 

Lily smiled playfully, "I'm trying to give you more."

"I'm not going to let you have sex with me just to shut me up."

Lily gaped at him. His eyes apologized for snapping at her, but he meant what he had said. "This is almost empty."

She began re-buttoning her shirt. "Empty?"

"No that's not what I meant." He searched for an accurate phrase. "I just- I don't feel close to you."

"We could be touching." She tried again to use his body as a crutch.

James shook his head, "You need to let me in. Talk to me, please, just talk to me."

Lily threw up her hands and began gathering her hair. She twisted it tightly and violently into a bun causing James to wince and wonder why she didn't flinch. She was blocking out every pain she felt, and with them all of the other lovely emotions she used to exude and feel so avidly. He reached towards her, wanting to hold her. And she wanted him to. She wanted him to put his arms around her in comfort while she cried. But she had done too much resisting, too much denying. 

"Just go, James. Leave me to my 'emptiness,'" she mocked coldly, though she longed for his warmth. And because he did not understand what she wanted, James obliged and left. 

A/N- This is sooner than I thought but here it is. Again I'm sorry about the lack of italics; who needs proper formatting anyway? And the end may be near... possibly... I'm not sure.


	14. Chapter 13ish

In the Cards...

After the scene in the broom shed, Lily and James both knew a confrontation was building between them. It came to fruition one evening the next week when Lily, tired from her new isolated life in the library, entered the common room to see James hugging Olivia tightly. 

Electricity sparked crimson through her body, and before she could stop herself, she called out, "James!"

Lily marched up to the boys' dorm, not bothering to wait for him, driven by a dull aching at the pit of her stomach. He dawdled slightly, but before long they were both silent and rigid in privacy.

"What was that?"

James shrugged, "A hug."

"I'm alone all day," Lily began, "Because that wench stole my friend. And now she's trying to steal my boyfriend."

James shook his head, "You are alone all day because you won't let anyone near you. And she's not a wench."

Lily's mouth dropped at his defense of someone she so desperately needed to hate. "I live with her. You barely know her."

"I know her pretty well, actually. And I know how upset she is about her grandmother dying."

For a moment Lily wanted to sympathize with Olivia, but she the misery filling her life lately would not allow it. "And how would you know that?"

"We talked about it," his emphasis on the communicating verb was not lost on Lily, "this summer.

"This summer?" she asked quietly.

"She was over for dinner a few times... with her family. I see them every holiday." Each phrase he added was intended to cushion the blow, but they each ripped at Lily a little more.

Lily tried to suppress the jealousy comparing the number of times she had been to James' to the number of times Olivia had been there. Did Megan like Olivia more than her? She turned the hurt into anger and pressed on.

"Oh, how wonderful for you. Really."

James rolled his eyes, sick of her taking her constant unhappiness out on him, "You're overreacting."

With tears in her eyes, she spat, "I'm not overreacting."

He reached towards her, but she pushed him back. He threw his hands up in defeat, exclaiming, "This is ridiculous. What do you want me to do?" 

Lily hugged her arms as closely to her body as she could, "Be with me. Not with her."

"She needed me."

"And I don't?"

"No, you don't."

The simplicity of his statement cracked inside of Lily like thunder. How could he think she did not need him? She stopped fighting her tears and let them flow freely down her face- a cascade of all the pent up emotions she had been trying to deny.

"I don't want anyone to see how it's getting to me," she whispered.

Lily's tears brought relief to James and he spoke to her gently, "Hate to break it to you love, but everyone can already see it."

"You couldn't possibly understand the kind of pressure I'm under- the kind of scrutiny."

He laughed softly, "Lily. Everyone in the entire castle is waiting for me to fail. Waiting for me to live up to my legacy. Even you." He paused, "Even me."

"They think I'm filth." Her voice broke.

"They're wrong."

"I can't do this, I can't." She began to sob and his arms closed around her, encasing her shaking form, protecting her as best he could.

"Let me help you."

Her nod into his chest was indecipherable from her body's desperate shudders. After a while, Lily's tears slowed and she had reduced to trembling slightly. Her puffy eyes looked up at James and he smiled at her. Though timid, she smiled back, a real smile that broke the worried tension of her face. 

Lily looked at his tear-splotched shirt and laughed slightly. "Sorry."

James shrugged, "I'm your bloke. It comes with the territory."

She sat on the edge of his bed.

"Lily, tomorrow you have to go to breakfast."

"I know."

"And you can't hide in the library all day."

"I know."

He sat next to her. "Everything will be fine."

"I know."

"Do you?"

She shook her head. "No. But I know I can't let it get to me anymore. And I know I have you..."

She trailed off, reaching her hand up to his cheek.

James closed his eyes. He did not realize, in the midst of all their rampant snogging, how much he missed the sweet and gentle Lily. How could one person be so innocent one minute and then so overtly sexual the next?

Lily's hand left his face as she scooted herself further onto his bed, taking off her shoes. She leaned back on his pillows, releasing her hair from a constraining bun. James watched as it fell to her shoulders, luring him to the inner area of his mattress. She motioned to the curtains with her eyes. He hesitated for a moment, slipped off his shoes, and closed them into a deeper privacy. He crawled towards her slowly, trying to figure her out. He lay next to her, unsure.

"James," she whispered rolling onto her side and sliding one of her legs over his. He automatically put an arm around her, as her face hovered over his own. She leaned in and kissed him slowly. James' heart began racing, despite the calm of her kiss. This was a different Lily than he knew. Even when they were crushing each other with frenzied desire, she was not like this-so sure; so ready. Was he? Was this right?

He pulled away from her, to examine her face. The desire was there, as it had been in the broom shed, but the fear was not. He separated a strand of her hair, twisting it around his finger like a candy cane.

This was not a chaotic moment, the recent emotions running high in them both had dispersed. Lily's tears had had a cathartic effect on them both. 

"What's wrong?" she asked quietly.

He smiled, "Nothing." 

He pushed her onto her back, taking her former position he leaned over her face to cover her mouth with his own. His tongue parted her lips without urgency and for a few minutes they calmly kissed. But their bodies soon began to react. Lily arched her back, and James slid his hands anywhere there was no resistance. He took off his shirt and her fingers roamed his chest and back. He moved to her neck and Lily pulled at his hair. He undid her shirt, an automatic procedure he had gotten used to. But as Lily's hands reached for his belt, James stopped. Up to then had been habit. This was uncharted territory. He tried to speak but could not form the proper words. Lily smiled. Her words failed her as well, but the message came across. She stopped fiddling with his pants and began to remove her own clothing. James watched stupidly as Lily unzipped the side of her skirt, unhooked her bra, and shrugged it off. She covered her body self-consciously, but James pushed her hands away and smiled at her. He tilted her blushing face towards his own and kissed her. Pushing off his pants, he settled his body over hers...

Later, as Lily lay sleeping, curled peacefully at his side, James wondered if anyone had come in during-well, during the most amazing experience of his life. He gazed at Lily, her hair tangled down her back, some of it spilling onto his chest. Carefully, James lifted the sheet to peek underneath. He grinned for a minute to himself but Lily began to stir.

She stretched, causing the sheet to uncover her naked chest. Lily hastily pulled it back up, and looked sheepishly at James. 

He shook his head, "No use doing that, love. I've seen, felt, and memorized the goods already."

She smiled, "I should go."

He sat up and slipped on his boxers. Out of the bed, he gathered her clothing from a pile on floor, making sure to keep the curtains tightly shut. When Lily was dressed, James peeked out of his bed. If anyone had come in earlier, they had left just as quietly. 

"Coast's clear."

Lily shoved her feet into her shoes and made for the door, but James caught her arm.

"What's wrong?" He put both hands on either side of her face and kissed her.

Standing on her tip toes she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. He hugged her back, with equal intensity. 

"Nothing," she pulled away, studying his face. "Does this... change anything?"

"It certainly makes it harder for me not to want to shag you senseless every time you walk passed me," he joked. He straightened her badge, "Let's keep you presentable, eh?" Taking her hand, he tugged her towards the door. 

"As I was saying," James put on as they emerged in the common room, "We should discuss the new regulations about Hogsmeade visits as soon as possible with the prefects." 

Lily nodded seriously, "I completely agree; I'm glad we've figured that out." 

Remus watched them through narrowed eyes as they arranged themselves on the couch next to Sirius.

James whispered to Lily, "Maybe we could figure it out again tomorrow?"

She shrugged, "I'll see if I can fit you in."

Sirius cleared his throat, causing James to look up. The three other boys were staring at them with obvious interest. Lily said goodbye to James with a lingering kiss and excused herself. 

Sirius gaped at Remus, "No way."

Remus stared at James and Sirius repeated. "No way."

James acted confused, "What?"

Remus shook his head, "Don't do that. Don't be a tit. You know what."

Peter looked around the room out of habit, making sure they were out of hearing distance of the other students who were still up. 

Sitting forward and rubbing his head James gave in. "How did you know?"

"You were up there for an hour and I could..." Remus trailed off and James did not care to hear which one of his keen senses had given them away.

Sirius agreed, "Not to mention how cozy you two were acting."

Remus ignored Sirius' addition, "How could you do that to her James?"

"I did it with her, Remus."

The brown haired boy shook his head, "She's confused and hurt; she didn't know what she was doing."

"That's out of order," Sirius remarked.

James jaw dropped. "What are you saying?"

Remus sighed, "Not like that-"

"-I think that's what you meant. She wasn't pissed, yeah? I didn't force her."

His voice was a hoarse whisper; his eyes were dangerously narrow. 

Peter saw a fourth year stir and point his friend in their direction.

"Gents, perhaps we should move this elsewhere."

James shook his head, "No, I'm done. I'm not discussing this anymore. It's none of your business."

He stood to leave and Remus replied, "As people who are actually trying to help her, it is our business." 

"All right, Lupin, do you want to take this outside? I'm tired but I can still clobber you."

Remus stood, "I'd like to see you try, Head Boy."

Sirius was next on his feet, "Let's just take a moment, huh? James! Just calm down."

"No. I'm off." James huffed towards the portrait hole.

Remus and Sirius sat back down. 

Remus glared, "This is a right mess. He should have known better.

"Can you really fault him?" Peter asked.

"Can you really not?" Remus replied.

Sirius laughed, "You honestly expected him to turn down an opportunity to shag the girl he's been chasing for years?"

Remus shrugged, "Why aren't you more upset about this? I thought you hated the two of them together."

"I hated the two of them making each other-and me, I might add-miserable all the time. All that denying that they even wanted to be together. Useless."

Peter snorted, "They aren't denying anything anymore, though."

A smile almost cracked Remus' face, "At least not sexually anyway."

"That's the spirit," Sirius quipped.

The next day, Lily made an appearance at breakfast, just as she'd promised. While she mostly received plain hate mail, there was one howler in the bunch. The boys had been disposing of the letters for her and had taken to putting any stray howlers in glasses of water, as it was most effective. They warned her not to touch any envelopes: at first they had opened the letters because there was an occasional word of support, but Remus had suffered through some foul booby-traps in the process. 

Remus was not the only person who watched Lily reach for toast off the rack. People all around the Hall were about whispering her return. He wondered if they also noticed how close she was sitting to James, or how comfortable his hand looked on her thigh.

Over the next few weeks, Lily shed her radical changes. By the Halloween Feast everything was practically back to normal, besides one major change in Lily's sleeping habits. Though she didn't dare do it too often, sleeping in James' bed had become an increasingly regular event.

At lunch on Halloween Sirius shared some bad news. James sat down next to him, eyeing the chips greedily.

"Malfoy's lurking around again. He was just here."

James rolled his eyes, "Brilliant."

"Why are you late? Where's Lily?" 

"I just saw her." 

"Where?"

Under Remus' scrutinizing gaze James cracked. "5th floor Girls' bathroom. She's fixing her hair."

Sirius raised his eyebrows, "That's my boy."

James reached for a sandwich, "She's coming in a minute."

Remus pointed over his shoulder, "There she is." 

And indeed she was there, looking slightly flushed, albeit well groomed. 

She joined them with a smile, and began eating chips off James' plate. James did not protest, as he had a particularly nice view of what he knew to be cleavage, if only Lily's shirt weren't buttoned so high. 

"Do you want play quidditch or not tonight?" Sirius asked her.

Lily sighed. How many times was she going to have to explain this?

"I need a broom."

They had experimented on the one she had been using with a velocity hex and were unable to return it to it to a normal speed setting.

Sirius glared at James, who was too busy angling his head for a better view to notice. Not one for such delicacies to be lost on, he said, "James might have a broom you could ride."

Lily looked up to see James glaring back at Sirius, "You do?"

"I have a nice broom also," Sirius smirked before James could respond. Lily rolled her eyes but smiled.

Remus stood up from across the table, "This might not be appropriate, as I don't think we are talking about brooms any longer, but Lily cold just ride her own."

Three heads turned to look at him.

"Excuse me?" Lily asked.

"You could borrow one from the shed," Remus explained, catching Sirius glancing at Lily's skirt.

"Maybe she wants a broom that hasn't been used..." Peter supplied.

There was a long pause as Peter turned red and the others tried to think of something to say. 

"No, Sirius, I don't want to play quidditch."

Sirius smiled broadly, "Thank you!" He turned to the others, "Seven o'clock?"

The house-elves outdid themselves for Halloween as usual. As the Marauders sat down to dinner, Sirius and James faced off over their latest controversy. 

"He did not."

"Yes he did."

"Sirius, why would Professor Ramsey say 'blow cock' during a herbology lesson?"

"I don't know! I'm just saying he did."

James reached for a piece of lamb. "You must have misheard him."

Sirius shoveled pie into his mouth, "I know what I heard."

"Maybe it's what you wanted to hear," Remus added.

Sirius glared and mumbled into his mug of cider. James smiled, deciding to take the assist from Remus as a victory. 

"I wish Prongs weren't so high profile; we could sneak out of here," Sirius changed the subject, munching on a tartlet.

Remus eyed his full plate, "Yeah, sure looks like you're ready to go. Your plate is as full as Peter's." Three out of four laughed heartily.

James looked around the room. Lily still hadn't come down yet. She was in an all teacher meeting, speaking as the voice of the students. The Great Hall was relatively calm considering only prefects were there to monitor the students. As Head Boy, James could have been helping, but he preferred eating. He assured himself he would step in before anything got too out of control. 

His eyes shifted to the entrance and he smiled despite himself. There she was. Lily locked eyes with him as she walked towards the table.

She joined her friends at the far end and James lost track of her for a moment. The room was becoming awfully chaotic. Sighing and readying himself for Head Boy duties, he began to rise. But his movement was cut short when he heard a scream. Looking down the table, James saw Kate standing over a collapsed Lily. The four boys were out of their seats instantly.

James leapt over a sideways bench and kneeled in front of Lily's body. It took a few moments for the room to realize what was going on, but the people in the surrounding area formed an immediate crowd.

"Give us some room," he instructed.

The teachers were still finishing their meeting, James looked frantically around the room and realized he was in charge.

"She's not breathing. Sirius," James looked at his friend. Sirius nodded and ran for the door heading for Dumbledore's office.

Remus was talking to Kate and Olivia, "Sh-she was drinking and she just collapsed."

Peter reached for her glass and smelled it. "Smells like licorice."

James mind reeled, "What... that... that could be..." he had to do something. He had to get it together. "Morte sprout?" He looked at Remus, who nodded.

"We need to test it, with, em, a plant or something. A branch or a leaf..." he trailed off looking around the room.

Peter lunged for the garnish on the lamb plate. Rosemary sprigs. Carefully he dipped the stem and leaves into Lily's glass. It only took a few minutes for it to turn to ash.

Olivia gasped and Kate's hand flew to her mouth.

Remus grabbed for his potion book, flipping frantically through the pages.

James looked at Lily's face. She seemed to be turning gray. "If it's that fast acting, we don't have time to wait for Sirius."

Remus nodded, unable to find the page.

"Remus," James pleaded. 

"It's in Chapter 7," Kate offered, flipping through for her own book. 

"We're just students," Olivia stated. "Where are the professors?"

"It doesn't matter," Kate replied. 

Remus let out a shout as he found the page. He kneeled on the floor next to James, reading aloud, " 'Deadly poison... urgent application of remedy...' What's the bloody remedy? Oh! 'Boil unicorn hair in water.'"

He looked at James, sweat on his brow, defeat in his eyes. James nodded, took a deep breath and pulled his wand from his pocket. "Boil some water."

Remus grabbed a glass off the table, muttering "Hervio" and watched as James snapped his wand in half, pulling a silver strand from in between the broken pieces of wood. He placed it in the water and stabilized himself on the ground, propping Lily's body against him, her back to his chest like so many times before. The unicorn hair dissolved into the water and shimmered like liquid opals. 

Remus held the glass in his hands, shaking slightly, "Ready?"

James nodded and opened Lily's mouth as Remus poured the potion down her throat. It spilled down her chin, staining her shirt. Peter had taken over the book and a few girls in the crowd were beginning to cry. There was silence. 

"How long before it works?"

Remus shrugged, "I don't know."

James' voice wavered. "Peter! How long?"

Peter skimmed the book, " 'If remedy applied with in acting time period, results should be instant.'" Unable to meet James' eyes, he looked at Remus.

Lily didn't stir. Remus sat back on his hands, all energy drained from fighting the facts that stared him in the face.

"Come on, Lily." Kate's voice was harsh. 

James shook his head, "No. No..." Hastily he poured the last of the liquid into Lily's mouth, shaking her. 

Suddenly she began to cough, spluttering the water everywhere. James let out a groan of relief, Remus lay flat on the floor clutching his heart, and Kate looked speechless as Olivia and Peter hugged.

There was a clatter as Dumbledore, Sirius and the other teachers pushed through the crowd. The professors began organizing people and sending them back to their tables while Dumbledore tried to sort out the scene before him: half a sprig of rosemary, a broken wand, three students gasping on the floor.

Sirius was trying to catch his breath as he helped Remus up. "I think I'm having a heart attack."

Ramsey helped Lily up and James rose to his feet on his own, waving off assistance. He clapped Peter on the back as Dumbledore began gathering evidence. 

Kate wrapped Lily in a hug and Olivia was talking rapidly at Dumbledore, explaining the situation. 

Sirius came to James' side, "If that wasn't a murder attempt, my mother isn't a batty bitch."

James clenched his fists. "What time did you see Malfoy here?"

Remus shook his head, "I watched him all day on the map; he left before classes were out."

"Doesn't mean he didn't plant something while he was here," Sirius offered.

"How could he have known where she was going to sit for dinner?" Remus rationalized. "Maybe it wasn't meant for Lily, maybe it was for anyone."

"How many people have daily threats made against them?" James asked

"How many people send them? Look, James, it might not have been Malfoy."

James stared at his friend, "Why are you defending him?"

"James is right. It can't be coincidence," Peter spoke up.

Sirius looked apologetically at Remus: he agreed with the others. "You didn't hear the way he threatened her last year. He meant it. This must have been building. He's been waiting for this, this payback."

Peter mumbled to himself, "'Head Girl murdered at Halloween Feast', it's a provocative headline. Powerful... Shows what they can do... Their reach."

James was no longer listening, his eyes had been scanning the crowd for accomplices and two Slytherins arguing in the doorway had caught his attention. 

"Snivellus and Regulus."

Sirius turned to follow his gaze, seething. "If he had anything to do with this... I'll bloody kill him is what."

The two boys were in heated discussion. Through the commotion of the room they saw Snape shove Sirius' brother violently. Snape seemed to sense he was being watched, his eyes swept around the room and locked with James, who felt the usual spasm of hatred, but nothing of triumph or disappointment. Sirius' face was twisted with disgust, he made for the two Slytherins.

"Don't," James said, reaching out to stop his mate. "It wasn't him." 

"But-" Sirius tried.

James shook his head, "That must have been about something else."

Dumbledore approached the boys as they stared each other down.

"Mr. Potter, may I have a word?"

Before leaving the room, he searched for Lily. She was heading towards the doors ahead of him, probably off to the hospital wing to be checked over. He nodded reassuringly and she followed Kate and Olivia up the stairs. 

Remus and Peter were being interviewed by Slughorn, who was holding the text book that had saved Lily's life. Sirius moved to follow James and Dumbledore, but the Head Master prevented him. 

"Mr. Black, please accompany Miss Evans."

James and Sirius exchanged silent looks and parted. Out of the noisy hall, James found himself tense. 

"That was a great thing you did. You'll need a new wand, of course."

James almost laughed, "I can get a new wand."

The old man nodded, "I don't want you thinking you need to investigate this. We will handle it. An attempt on a student's life is a very serious offense, I'm sure you know."

James looked away.

"Albus!" Professor Morrison came running up to them. "A house elf has just confessed!"

"What?" 

"Filch and Minerva are in kitchens with him."

James nearly choked, "A house elf? Just decided to poison the Head Girl?"

Dumbledore put out a settling hand. "Perhaps you'd prefer to go so Miss Evans now."

Going straight to the kitchen was what James would have preferred, but he marched up the stairs anyway.

The other Marauders were already assembled at Lily's side. She had refused to sit in a hospital bed and was especially insistent that she did not need to lie down. However, she had checked out all right and the crew were on their way out when James arrived. His hands were shaking as he approached her. He tried to stroke her cheek but his fingers were clumsy and inelegant. She took them in her own to try to steady him. He stared at her silently, soaking in every feature of her that depicted liveliness. Every breath she took in eased his heart, though he was impatient for her to let it out and do it once more.

"It was a house elf."

No one responded.

"A house elf confessed."

"That's ridiculous," Remus said.

"Why would a house elf want to attack a student?" Olivia asked.

Sirius said, "It wouldn't-- unless someone ordered it to."

Remus was silent.

"Maybe the elf'll tell who really did it," Peter suggested.

"Real likely," Sirius snorted.

"Remus." Kate spoke his name softly, but the others all turned to look at him. "Remus, why are you so quiet?"

He hesitated slightly, "Malfoy, when he was here-- I watched him go to the kitchen, just before he left."

"Sodding bastard," Sirius exclaimed. The four boys decided to rush their discovery to Dumbledore when Lily finally found her voice.

"There's no point. No one will believe it."

"But I can still wring his neck," James fumed.

She shook her head, "Just leave it, I'm sure Dumbledore has it handled."

"Lily, Malfoy tried to kill you."

"Well, he didn't do a very good job, did he?"

Sirius laughed, James glared at him. The tension between Lily and James grew, so the others decided to walk faster and leave James and Lily to themselves. 

James stood in front of Lily. 

"I'm supposed to just let him get away with it?"

She sighed, "He'll get away with it no matter what you do."

James was silent, but his hands had stopped shaking. 

"What if you had died?"

"I didn't."

He shook his head, "You can't act like this isn't a big deal."

"I have to!" she exclaimed, shocking him. "I can't be too cowardly to go breakfast and too terrified to go to dinner." Her eyes were glassy but she refused to cry. "I have to get past this. So I need you to get past it, too."

"He'll try again."

"Let him; I'm not going to be afraid anymore. I'm going to fight this Voldemort bloke until one of us is dead."

Lily brushed by him, and he followed a few paces behind, determined not to let her out of his sight. Something had been bothering him since he saw her collapsed form--the first moment he thought he would never get a chance to tell her-

"I love you."

The words didn't hang in the air. The brief silence that surrounded his exclamation was not filled with a poignant throbbing. Despite the meaning, they were just like plain, regular words-- simply accepted and returned.

"I love you, too."


End file.
